Sex and Other Hobbies of my Roommate
by MsSailorman
Summary: "Oh, Jesus. Edward! Edward! Edward!" I moaned, delighting in my own little fantasy. I turned the vibrator off, taking panting breaths of air. Then I saw HIM standing in the doorway." Rated M for reasons that are pretty obvious.
1. Chapter 1

**Initially I wrote this as a one shot. However, since a large amount of people have asked for a continuation, I decided to write more. I'd like to give thanks to all of the people that encouraged me to do so. I think this story is going to be fun to write. If you have already read the one shot, I suggest reading this chapter as well. It's basically the same thing, but several important details have been altered.**

**Please enjoy it and leave a review. And by the way, this story idea was inspired by the story "Edward Wallbanger". It's a really good story. Check it out. :)**

**I own nothing.**

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thump._

I groaned to myself. They were at it again, the incessant banging and moaning carrying through the paper thin walls.

I, Bella Swan, had managed to become the roommate of Edward Cullen. And the man was a sex fiend with everything that had a vagina . . . except me.

_Thump._

"Oh, for the love of all that's holy!" I said irritably to myself. Throwing a pillow over my face, I hoped that it would either block out the sound or I'd die from asphyxiation. Either one was a good option.

As I contemplated the many ways in which I could seek revenge on Edward for my plethora of sleepless nights, the moaning and grunting reached a climax, coming through the walls even more than before.

_I hope his ho isn't taking that orgasm for granted. What I wouldn't give to have Edward Cullen do at least a portion of those things to me . . ._

And as usual, my mind took a trip to the gutter.

There was quiet for a few minutes before I heard it again.

_Thump._

"Dear god!" I cried out, knowing they could hear me. "Just stop it already! There are some people trying to sleep here!"

I heard Tanya's high-pitched giggles and Edward's chuckle.

_Thump._

"I'm serious, asshole! We both have work tomorrow!" I looked at my alarm clock. 2:47 AM. "Never mind, we have work later _today! _I need my sleep!"

_Thump._

"Edward, I will chop your dick off unless you either stop it or leave the apartment!" I threatened, completely serious.

There was more giggling and chuckling. I was beginning to wonder if it was a turn on for either of them that someone else had to deal with hearing their "together time".

_Thump._

Whining to myself, I turned over in bed and attempted to drown out the horrific noise coming through the wall by humming to myself.

I'd sung _It's a Small World After All _exactly eighteen times before I fell asleep at around three something in the morning.

*

My alarm went off much too early. Goddamn the person who decided that it was a good idea to get up early. Goddamn the person who invented sex-addicted roommates as well. Goddamn the world.

I grumbled unintelligibly about all the different people that I thought deserved to be struck down by lightning as I stumbled into the kitchen, pouring myself a cup of coffee. I didn't bother to add sugar or cream. I just needed caffeine.

"Well, good morning, sunshine," Edward greeted me with the biggest smirk I'd ever seen. How on Earth he was so chipper with so little sleep was beyond me.

I hated the satisfied expression he wore. "Fuck off," I grunted, scorching my throat from the hot coffee, but continuing to swallow it.

The door to the bathroom swung open to reveal a newly showered Tanya. Ugh, the dumb bitch had decided she could use my shower. Tanya – or skank as I referred to her – was exactly what I needed to further worsen my already cruddy day.

"Hey, Bella," She greeted me with a cold smile that I knew was simply for Edward's sake.

"Skank," I replied, giving her a fake salute. We'd never been on good terms because she felt that I was a threat to her relationship with Edward and I felt that she was a blonde bimbo with the intent of never letting me have a full night's sleep. Ok, and I might have been just the teensiest, tiniest, tad, little bit jealous.

Her eyebrow twitched as if she really wanted to insult me. I'd like to see her come up with something even half-way witty. "So how'd you sleep last night?" She asked innocently.

I shot a glare at her. "You're so lucky that you're Edward's booty call because otherwise, I wouldn't hesitate to kick your ass to the curb," I hissed. Hostile Bella was firmly in place today.

Edward gave me a disapproving look that I scrupulously ignored.

I chugged the rest of my coffee and headed to the bathroom. I washed my hair in the sink because there was no way I was going near the shower after Tanya had been in it. I'd have to get bleach and disinfect it before I stepped anywhere near it.

Tanya had gone by the time I was done brushing my teeth and whatnot. Edward had somehow managed to look as put together as always and was holding the keys to his Volvo in one hand, waiting for me expectantly.

Oh yeah, did I mention that Edward and I go to work in the same place? Or that he's my boss? And that we share an apartment?

Yeah, things were just a tad awkward at the office, but if people couldn't deal with it, screw them. Edward's dad owned the company and seeing as how Edward and I were just chummy old pals, the likelihood of either of us getting fired was slim.

I kept a firm gaze at the dashboard of his car as he drove to work. Yes, we did carpooling. My arms were crossed over my chest in irritation and I kept on beginning to nod off every few seconds before coming back to life.

Edward chuckled whenever I did that which only fueled my anger even more.

*

"You look like shit," Alice, my best friend, said the second she caught sight of me when I went into work that day.

I was employed as a personal administrative assistant. A fancy title for someone who answers phones and photocopies a crap-load of paper.

"Gee, thanks a lot, Alice," I grumbled, settling behind my desk.

She rolled her eyes. "Sorry, but it's true. What happened to you?"

"The skank came over last night and I had to listen to four rounds of loud, obnoxious sex. I'm so exhausted," I complained.

Alice was on the verge of replying when Emmett stalked up behind us and decided to join our conversation.

"Ladies, as a fellow employee, I'm against talking about this stuff at the office, but I heard something about sex and Bella being exhausted. So tell me, whose heart are you breaking this time, Swan?" Emmett asked.

"Emmett, I'm not having sex with anyone," I said, rolling my eyes. He, of all people, should know that I, Bella Swan, was a heinous shrew-wench that didn't date. "However, I'm seriously considering evicting Edward from _my _apartment because he always brings that stupid Tanya over and their activities usually aren't below the rating of R."

They both knew of my weird relationship of Edward. I probably shouldn't have been giving them such great dirt on the boss, but Alice and Emmett were Edward's best friends, too.

"Oh, give Eddie boy a break," Emmett insisted. "Just because he's getting some ass doesn't mean you need to hate the world for it. You just need to get laid or something."

Of course, Emmett's answer for everything was sex. "I, unlike some people," I gave him a pointed glare. "Don't just spread my legs for anybody. Even if I _do _need to get laid, I'm not going to settle for some random guy."

"Buy a vibrator," Alice suggested.

"Just go back to work. Both of you. I don't want to talk about this anymore," I snapped.

"Jeez, Bella. PMS, much?" Emmett teased, dodging away from the punch I aimed his way.

I glared after the both of them and proceeded to will myself towards consciousness only with the power of my rage.

*

"Bella," Alice sang. "Bella. Beeelllaaahhh!"

I groaned, picking my head up from my desk. I'd fallen asleep for the umpteenth time that day. "What now? What the fuck could you possibly need so much that you find it acceptable to disturb my REM sleep even more than it's already been disturbed?"

She snickered at my pissed off expression, not at all the reaction I'd been hoping for. "I thought you might like to know that work is over and you can head home now."

"Oh, thank god!" I cried, shooting out of my chair and rushing to Edward's office door, knocking impatiently.

"Well at least you're easily pleased," She giggled behind me.

"Easily angered, too," I reminded her, giving Alice a sleepy grin before entering Edward's office.

He sat, looking perfect as ever, talking on the phone with someone. "Yeah, ok. See you after work then, Tanya."

I was sure the look of disgust on my face was evident as I slammed the door behind me and sat down in my cubicle, an image of me going over there and straddling his lap becoming prevalent in my naughty brain. I didn't _want _him to go to Tanya. I didn't like it. God, I felt like a child who didn't want to share her toys. Not that Edward was my toy. I wished.

"Bella," Edward said from behind me.

"What?" I asked bewilderingly, my head snapping up and my eyes searching wildly around my tiny office space.

"You feel asleep," He explained.

_Way to go, Bella. Sleeping on the job. _"I refuse to apologize for that because it really is your own damn fault."

He chuckled and got this far off expression as if he was remembering the night he spent with Tanya – the reason why I was chugging coffee like a powerhouse. I gagged.

We drove to the apartment in absolute silence and Edward dropped me off.

"I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to see Tanya. I'll be back in a few hours." He didn't wait for my answer as he sped off in the Volvo, leaving me at the door to our apartment building.

_Ugh, a few hours. Just enough to have a few rounds of sex and a shower before he came back here for dinner. Edward is so despicable sometimes. He goes to Tanya for sex and comes to me for food._

I stomped all the way upstairs.

*

A door opening and closing alerted me that Edward was home.

"Edward?" I called groggily, stirring on top of my sheets. Weird, I didn't even remember going to bed.

"Yeah?" He called back. I heard the sound of him putting his keys on the coffee table.

"Just making sure it's you and not some serial killer that's come to slay me," I responded. I realized that I was wearing a tank top and boy shorts, no underwear. I wasn't lucid enough to wear underwear at that moment.

He snorted. "Would a serial killer have the key to the apartment?"

"My brain is still in desperate need of sleep," I said in explanation for my crazy thoughts, exiting my room to find Edward reclining on the couch. "And it's entirely your fault." I plopped next to him on the couch, my head on the armrest and my feet in his lap.

"Aw, someone's jealous," He laughed, pressing his hands to my feet and rubbing them gently. I stifled the moan.

"I'm not jealous of that damn skank you keep bringing around here. I'm jealous of the people that don't have to put up with annoying roommates that moan like ex-porn stars." I imitated the groaning noise Edward made way too much, although the noise turned into a breathy moan of my own from Edward's skillful hands on my feet.

"What do you mean _like _an ex-porn star? I _am _an ex-porn star," Edward said with a completely serious tone.

I stared at him with wide eyes for just a second before I laughed madly. If Edward was a porn star, he would have been making millions off his good looks and not living in some Podunk town, sharing an apartment with a shrew-wench. "Yeah, and I'm Oprah."

"Damn, Bella. You're hurting my feelings."

"And you're hurting my beauty sleep," I retorted, closing my eyes and leaning back, enjoying his foot massage. "Doesn't the skank have a place of her own that you guys can use?"

"Oh, come on. I know that it secretly turns you on to be able to hear the master at work," Edward grinned cockily.

I wondered if he knew how true that was. Well, I didn't get turned on at the fact that Tanya was with him, but the thought of Edward . . . well, _that _turned me on. "Ugh, as if, Cullen."

I removed myself from the couch and got up to make dinner.

"What do you want to eat tonight?" I asked him.

"Whatever you make is fine."

"Helpful," I muttered to myself, deciding to make some simple tortellini.

*

We ate dinner in an almost painful silence. It wasn't until Edward was clearing the plates – I cooked, he cleaned – that he finally spoke.

"Did you have Alice call me?" He asked.

I looked over at him and shook my head. "No. Why?"

He chuckled. "Because I got a message on my phone from her berating my active sex life."

I blushed, looking down. "She asked me why I looked like shit this morning and I told her. She must have taken matters into her own hands." I sighed. "That's Alice for you."

"Well, I assure you that after that verbal lashing, I'll either be crashing at Tanya's or renting a hotel room somewhere." He winced slightly as if still frightened by Alice and shook his head. Somehow the power balance was always messed up when Alice was involved. Shouldn't the boss be in control of the employee?

Alice was the scariest motherfucking pixie on the face of the earth when she wanted to be.

"Thank god."

He chuckled and we parted ways to go to bed. It was one of the few times that I didn't have to put in my earplugs.

*

When I woke up the next morning, I smiled to myself at the full night's sleep I'd gotten. Yawning and stretching happily, I tottered towards the kitchen and grabbed my coffee mug, filling it to the brim and sitting at the kitchen table to relax a bit.

Edward, bleary eyed, approached and laughed. "Christ, you always look so happy when Tanya isn't here."

"That's because I hate her, Edward. I don't know how you're able to stand her presence." I paused. "Well, I mean on a social level. But since you obviously spend the vast majority of your time with her horizontally . . . ," I trailed off, rolling my eyes and sipping my coffee.

Edward poured himself a cup as well, practically drowning himself with it as he drank heavily. I swear, he was so weird. Sex, which should have tired him out, made him energetic. And the nights when he was supposedly sleeping peacefully, he was exhausted. He was the vice versa of natural human sleeping habits.

"I don't spend all my time horizontally," Edward argued, smirking. "Sometimes I fuck her when I'm standing."

Groaning at that visual – something I could picture surprisingly well – I threw a dish cloth at him. "You're sickening, Edward Cullen. God, you're so lucky I let you live here."

"You don't _let _me live here. I pay half the rent, woman."

I smiled sweetly. "Yes, but my name is on the lease."

He laughed and grabbed his keys. "Ready to go?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," I sighed, setting my mug in the sink.

*

I was just finishing up my lunch and was about to head back to work when Edward stepped into the lunch room. I expected him to tease me about something or another, which was the usual for him. But instead, he looked apologetic.

"Hey, Bella. Um, I was wondering if you could hitch a ride with Alice today. I'm going with Tanya to Seattle for one of the new clubs there and I won't make it unless I leave right now. I probably won't be back until morning, so is it ok if you drive yourself to work?"

I stared at him for a moment. There had never been a time where we hadn't worked in the same place. And out of all those times, Edward had always driven me to work. He hadn't missed a single day except when he got strep throat once. But aside from that, never. So I stared. Edward wanted me to drive myself to work.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I just nodded mutely, still in shock.

Edward smiled. "Great. Thanks, Bella." He turned away with keys in hand. Even in my state of shock, I managed to ogle at his ass as he left.

*

The next month or so, I hardly saw Edward at all except for the times when we were at work. I'd taken to driving myself since he spent the night so much at Tanya's. He'd kept true to his word about renting a hotel room or staying at the skank's apartment. And since Edward had sex way more than any person should, he almost didn't live with me anymore.

I revered the silence, but I missed Edward. I missed when we would make fun of corny movies on TV together or play Scrabble of all things. It really was like living alone. I made dinner for one nowadays. Hell, I missed him speeding through the roads and scaring the shit out of me every day.

Sighing, as I got home from another day of work in which my interaction with Edward had consisted of "Hi", I hung up my coat and keys. Even Emmett – who was no good with figuring out emotions – had realized something was wrong with me. Alice kept giving me concerned looks and asked random questions while Emmett flat out demanded to know if someone had died or if I was pregnant.

When I got home from that stressful day of work, I decided to have some "Me" time. I took off my clothes and pulled my long hair into a messy bun. I loved the liberation of being able to stroll around my apartment completely naked.

_Ok, time to relieve the sexual tension._

I grabbed my violently violet vibrator and plopped on the couch. Figuring that I wouldn't be seeing Edward until the weekend – as had become the pattern – I no longer had qualms about masturbating in the middle of the apartment.

Flipping to the pornographic channel on the cable TV, I clicked on the vibrator and glued my eyes to the screen. I tried to understand the plotline. From what I could gather, there was a vampire who had fallen in love with a human. However, they're both trying to resist the other and as a result, fucked multiple people in a variety of ways before realizing that they really loved each other. Then they fucked themselves into oblivion. The vampire looked strikingly similar to Edward. He was pale with red hair and green eyes.

To my astonishment, my muscles contracted and I rocked with spasms as I came. I hadn't been expecting it so quickly, but seeing someone who bore such resemblance to Edward on screen and totally naked . . . well, I didn't stand much of a chance anyway. _"_Oh, Jesus. Edward! Edward! Edward!" I moaned.

I turned the vibrator and TV off, taking panting breaths of air. Then I saw _him _standing in the doorway.

Edward's eyes were bugging out, staring at me in shock and lust. His hand was frozen on the doorknob and he was paused mid-step.

I'm not going to lie. I screamed like I'd seen the devil himself. Dogs all over the world cringed at the decibel my voice reached. Unable to think of a smarter plan of action, I threw my vibrator at him. _Fucking threw it at him._

He seemed to come out of his trance and dodged it. It hit the wall to his right pathetically.

I scrambled desperately and managed to snatch one of the decorative pillows to cover myself, my blush so profound that I'd practically invented a new shade of red through involuntary reactions.

Edward shut the door behind him and continued to stare at me in amazement. "Bella . . . I mean . . . did you . . . were you . . . fuck . . . that was . . . ," He stuttered.

As a defense mechanism, I turned snarky. "Oh please, I'm sure that's not the first time you've seen a naked woman. As a matter of fact, I'm fairly sure you see a certain skank's naked body every night." I threw the pillow to the floor and got off the couch, watching Edward's eyes grow impossibly wider.

"Sweet Jesus," He said in surprise, taking in my naked body.

I ignored his reaction and walked right up next to him, bending over to grab my vibrator. Then I retreated to my room, doing a face plant into the comforter of my bed. And I needed some comfort. Edward Cullen, sex god of my dreams, had caught me masturbating to thoughts of him.

Just as I had decided that I would be perfectly content to spend the rest of eternity in my bedroom, Edward knocked on my door.

"Who is it?" I asked, stalling for time. _What kind of lame ass question is that? Who else would it be? Johnny Depp? God, I wish._

I expected a sarcastic comment, but he simply said, "It's Edward. May I please come in?"

"No," I replied, burying my face back in my pillows. I was _way _too embarrassed to be able to endure any kind of contact with the rest of humanity. Especially people who I suspected of working in the adult film industry.

"Bella," Edward said pleadingly. "Let me in. We need to talk."

"No. We really don't need to talk. As a matter of fact, I don't think there's ever any reason for us to talk again."

"Stop being a drama queen and let me in before I knock the door down."

"If you break the door, I'm going to make you pay for it. This is my apartment after all." Before I even got the words out, my door came down, the sound deafening.

Edward stood hulking in the doorway, staring at the door in disbelief. He probably couldn't believe he'd gotten it down.

I screamed . . . again. I mean, really. I was naked and I obviously didn't want to see him. Did the man have no etiquette?

I looked around myself for possible projectiles. I went for the vibrator again, chucking it at him. It grazed his shoulder and flopped to the floor.

"Will stop throwing stuff at me?" He huffed irritably before he realized I was still naked. Edward stopped in the doorway, staring. You'd think he would have seen enough naked bodies to last a lifetime.

"Close your eyes, you pervert!" I shouted, trying to duck underneath the covers.

"Bella, do you want to go out to dinner sometime?"

My struggles with the covers ceased and I gawked at Edward, my jaw hanging open.

_Did Edward Cullen just ask me out on a date?_

Unable to process the information adequately, I started throwing shit again. My lamp was the first thing to go. It crashed to the floor however since I wasn't smart enough to unplug it first. "Get out of my room, asshole! You have a girlfriend!" I shouted at him.

Probably fearing for his safety, he backed out of my room. I heard the front door close and knew he'd gone, leaving me to my own devices. And by that, I mean I remained crouched on the side of my bed with my mouth gaping open like an idiot.

I could scarcely believe that had just happened. And god, hadn't I been wanting to get into his pants since I first met him? So of course, the first thing I do when he asks me on a date – which would hopefully lead to the get-into-Edward's-pants-stage – I yell at him to leave the premises.

I groaned to myself. "Fucking great, Swan. No fucking wonder you're single," I told the empty room. But then again, I had the right to yell. He had a girlfriend. A girlfriend that I had to hear moan passionate profanities every night. What right did he have to ask me to dinner? It wasn't fair! Christ, he couldn't just ignore me for the past few years and out of the blue decide to want to date me. My heart couldn't stand it.

Feeling utterly defeated, I sighed to myself and crawled into bed for the night. I didn't even want to imagine what the fuck was going to happen at work tomorrow. Cringing, I curled up and tried to sleep.

*****

**Well, for those of you who have read both this and the one shot, what did you think? And for those of you who have just read THIS, same question.**


	2. Chapter 2

**If you haven't already, check the first chapter again because I changed a crap load of stuff so I can actually continue this story. I hope you like it. Please review. Review are like candy and I love my sugar highs.**

_Thump._

_Thump._

My eyes flicked open and I glanced at the alarm clock through bleary eyes. It was fucking four in the morning.

_Thump._

"Oh, Edward," Tanya moaned from next door.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thump._

I didn't bother to try my usual techniques for shutting out the noise (Pillows over my ears, earplugs, repetitive humming, etc.). I slipped on some pajamas and I stomped out of my room. Edward was a supreme ass if he thought it was appropriate to rub it in my face that he was having sex with his girlfriend a few hours after having caught me masturbating when I was imagining him. Fucker.

_Thump._

It sounded like they'd both reached their climax and the noise stopped. I waited for a moment, praying that maybe they were done. But I heard them talking – something unusual for them, as they were usually too busy fucking – and their voices were clear as day through the thin walls.

"I can't believe she slept through that," Tanya snickered, obviously talking about me. I usually told them off a few dozen times a night and I'd remained silent this time.

"I can. Bella had a hard day today," Edward said. I couldn't identify the meaning or the tone in his words.

"Not that it matters," Tanya added. "I mean, she's always so awful to me. I couldn't care less if she has a bad day."

"Tanya, let it be. You're awful to her, too," Edward almost growled.

She gasped. "I'm only defending myself!" She exclaimed, shocked that he would even insinuate such a thing. "Why do you always get on my case about that and yet you hardly ever say a word to her?" She demanded to know.

Edward didn't answer. Or if he did, I couldn't hear it.

"You care more about her than me," The skank proclaimed. I snorted out loud at that one and quickly covered my face, hoping they hadn't heard.

"No, I don't," Edward assured her exasperatedly, effectively stomping on my heart. "She's nothing to me. I only stay here for the food."

My hands clenched and I fought desperately to keep myself from throwing stuff again. I couldn't _believe _he'd just said that. Son of a bitch. Wait, I take that back. I loved Esme too much to call her a bitch and mean it. No, Edward was in his own personal category for asshole-ish ways. He was someone I could call a bastard and truly mean it.

_Thump._

_Thump._

Christ almighty, they were at it again. Making an internal growling sound of frustration, I grabbed my shoes and keys, creeping out of the apartment silently.

*

I pressed the buzzer skittishly, hoping she wouldn't be too mad at me for crashing at her place. I just couldn't deal with Edward at the moment.

"Hello?" Alice's tired voice came through the intercom.

"Um, Alice? It's Bella. I need somewhere to stay tonight," I admitted softly, my voice breaking.

She didn't say anything, but a low buzz came from the front door and I knew she'd opened it. Sighing in relief, I stepped forward and ascended the stairs until I reached Alice's place, knocking on the door.

"Bella, are you ok?" Alice asked the second she caught sight of me, ushering me forward and closing the door behind me.

I nodded automatically, paused, and then shook my head. "God, no. I'm not ok." I stumbled forwards and collapsed onto the couch, my tears starting to show. Alice had already set out a pillow and blankets and cuddled into them.

"Want to talk?"

I nodded and sighed, absently brushing my finger under my eye to catch the stray tear. "I don't know where to start."

"I take it this problem stemmed from something to do with Edward or else you wouldn't have had to leave your apartment at four in the morning," Alice prompted, sitting down next to me and wrapping her skinny arm around my shoulders.

I nodded again. "I did something stupid. It's just that Edward is _never _home after work and I thought I'd be alone and I haven't been getting any and –," I paused, taking a breath to collect myself. "Well, I might have been doing you-know-what with a vibrator." I blushed. "And Edward walked in on me."

Alice looked confused. "Well, that isn't so bad. _Everybody _does it, Bella."

I shook my head. "No, that's not all. I was fantasizing, you know, to help me get off. And I might have been thinking about Edward and I _might _have moaned his name out loud just as he walked in the door."

Alice's mouth popped open. "Bella Swan, you naughty girl!" She laughed. "God, you were caught by your boss!"

"He's more than my boss," I mumbled. "He's my best friend, Alice. And now everything is going to change and be awkward because I'm a horny pervert without a sex life."

She rolled her eyes at my drama. "So what did he do when he caught you?"

"He asked me out on a date," I whispered.

She gasped and was practically bouncing in place. "Oh my god! What did you say?"

"I think it was along the lines of 'Get of my room, asshole. You have a girlfriend'," I offered.

Alice smacked her face with her palm.

"Well, what was I supposed to do?" I demanded. "He _does _have a girlfriend and I didn't want to be the other woman."

She sighed in defeat. "All right, fine. He has a girlfriend."

"Oh, he most definitely has a girlfriend. He came home a few hours later and started fucking the skank next door. I just can't believe him!" I seethed. "Not to mention he told Tanya that I was nothing to him and he just stuck around for the food," I added bitterly.

Alice gasped. "He didn't!"

I nodded yet again. "He did."

"That despicable bastard!" She shouted before catching herself and rubbing my shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Bella. How severely would you like me to hurt him? I'm stuck between kicking him in the balls or cutting his balls off altogether."

I shook my head. "No, I have my own plan, Alice."

She nodded in understanding.

I sighed at the work ahead of me. It was going to take a few hours to pull this off. "Well, I know it's really early, but I need your help."

Alice waved it off. "I'm fine. I usually wake up in half an hour anyway."

I stared at her. "What the hell are you doing up at four-thirty in the morning?"

"I go jogging every morning to release some of my energy. Then I come home and take a shower, make breakfast, and then drive to work," She explained.

Shaking my head sadly at her morning-person existence, I started telling her of my plan and the different things we needed.

She nodded and grabbed her keys, armed with a purse full of money. Alice was pulling me out the door with her before I could even say the words, "I'm still in my pajamas".

****

**I'm setting a goal for 100 reviews. Can we do it? YES WE CAN!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Guys, just WOW. I've gotten such an overwhelming response to this. I'm so happy that I was coaxed by all those reviews to write a second chapter today. :D**

**Here it is: Bella's retaliation.**

**BE WARNED! There's a lemon, so if that offends you in any way, please skip over it.**

**I own nothing.**

*

One trip to the grocery store later – a very embarrassing escapade considering I was still wearing bunny slippers – and I had everything I needed. I was skipping work today and Edward was in for a hell of a surprise when he got home.

Alice dropped me off at home – food supplies in tow – and I began my laborious work. I was making Edward's favorite meal. Beef Wellington. That fucker takes hours to make when you're using the authentic Grandma-Sofia-Swan recipe. So much effort, but the finishing product . . . a foodgasm waiting to happen. I'd made it for Edward twice and it was his favorite dish.

The first time I made it for him was when he moved in with me. He'd had a really bad fight with his parents and he'd come to me. Next thing I knew, I had a roommate. Their relationship couldn't be better now and Edward could afford a mansion if he wanted, but he never left. The second time I made it for him was when his grandfather died. Edward had been really close to his grandfather and he was crushed when he passed away from skin cancer. He regularly donated to charities that helped fight skin cancer now.

I was immersed in memories for the majority of the cooking process, trying not to think too much about what I was going to do tonight. Edward Cullen had gone much too far. He'd tossed a good decade of friendship down the drain and I was going to fucking torture him tonight. Slowly and painfully.

With the little medallions of tender steak coated in sauce and wrapped up in individual portions of dough, I stuffed the tray into the oven and started towards my closet. I was scarcely able to believe I was actually about to put on my emergency outfit. It's what I wore as a last resort to ensnare the predictable male mind. I looked an angel in it, granted the most sinful of angels ever, but an angel nonetheless.

It was soft, white cotton. Sliding it over my body gave me goose bumps at how the material seemed to be barely there. It tapered in at my bust and flowed out, hitting right above the knee. I chose to go barefoot since it just felt too weird to wear shoes in the apartment.

I brushed and tousled my hair a bit, giving it the 'recently-fucked' look. Applying minimal makeup, I knew I had to get the food out of the oven before it burned. Leaping over my door – which was still flopped uselessly on the floor from Edward breaking it down – I grabbed some oven mitts and set the tray on the counter to cool. If I timed this correctly, Edward should be arriving any second.

Hurriedly, I set out plates, silverware, and napkins. Then I sat down on the couch in almost exactly the same position I had been in when he caught me masturbating, minus the vibrator. Staring at the door and trying not to fidget, I waited.

Edward's footsteps sounded outside the door, the jingle of his keys, and the lock turning. He opened the door and took in the sight of me. He obviously was having the déjà vu I'd intended for him, looking slightly dumbfounded at my made up appearance.

"Hi," I said softly, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

He swallowed. "Hey, Bella," Edward said, probably testing the waters since things had gotten _way _awkward due to the caught-Bella-masturbating incident. "What's going on? Why weren't you at work?"

"Personal time off," I answered vaguely, starting towards the kitchen. "I cooked your favorite." I looked over my shoulder to see Edward's eyes light up.

"Seriously? Beef Wellington?" He looked like a kid at Christmas.

I nodded with a genuine smile on my face. Even if I was planning to metaphorically rip him a new one, it still gave me true pleasure to know how much he liked my food. _Hell, he likes it so much that it's the only reason he stays, _I thought bitterly.

Edward, looking too enthused to notice my expression, sat at the table and stared longingly at the small beef medallions encased in dough.

"Dig in," I said with a fake laugh, scooping one onto my plate as well.

We ate in silence except for the occasionally moan of delight from Edward as he greedily swallowed. He ate six of them while I could barely manage two. It boggled my mind that he could fit so much food inside him. It certainly didn't show.

He finally conceded defeat that he couldn't stuff anymore down his throat and leaned back in his chair. Edward's eyes finally found mine, looking confused now that he didn't have food to distract him. "What was the occasion?"

That was my cue. I stood up from my chair and promptly dropped into Edward's lap, straddling him. "Because this is the day that I seduce you," I breathed in his ear, nipping at his earlobe and running my hands along his chest.

His eyes widened as if just realizing the gravity of my dress and the meal he'd just savagely consumed. "What about Tanya?"

"Fuck her," I murmured, beginning to unbutton his shirt. It was almost physically painful to be doing this. To be intimate with him and know that it wasn't real and I was going to be walking away from it.

Edward groaned and unexpectedly ran his hands underneath my dress. I couldn't help but blush when his hands encountered a lack of panties. He moaned louder. "Holy shit, Bella."

I grinded my hips and kept my chin tucked against his shoulder so he couldn't see my face. I didn't want him to see my expression. I probably looked insane with the grimace I had on my face while rubbing against the most handsome man in the world. I was crawling through hot coals, charring my flesh simply for the vindictive satisfaction it would bring me.

"Edward," I moaned in his ear. My hands traveled south and I unbuckled his pants. The plan was to leave him hard and walk out the door, telling him how much I hated him in the process. However, my hastily formed plans took a detour when he pushed my back on the table and started kissing my thighs and making his way closer and closer to my core.

My hands, of their own volition, wound into Edward's hair and pulled him closer, urging his efforts on. I'd waited so long for this. Too long to deny myself this pleasure before I officially cut him out of my social life.

Edward's tongue – that had been god knows where on Tanya's body – steadily approached my clit with slow, tender licks. Wanting with every fiber of my being the feeling of sexual satisfaction, I jerked my hips forward.

Looking down, I saw Edward's jade green eyes focused solely on me as his tongue found its target. I shook in reaction and breathlessly waited for my orgasm, instinctually knowing it wouldn't take long. He continued to watch for my reactions. He nipped at my clit and I shivered, the almost painful sensation putting me right over the edge.

"Edward!" I groaned, my muscles tightening.

He reemerged from between my legs wearing a big smile. Edward made a show of licking his full lips clean of my juices. I blushed breathlessly.

It wasn't enough.

"Fuck me," I ordered hoarsely from all the moaning I had done.

Edward obediently and eagerly unzipped his pants and pulled out his erection – effectively shocking me at the size. Edward was anything but modest sized. Holy shit.

He stood up from his seat and aligned himself, pushing in expertly until he was fully seated inside me. My poor, poor vagina had to stretch indecently since it had been good long while since I'd gotten any. I whimpered at being so full. Edward started rocking back and forth with a grunt or two at random intervals, making the table bang against the wall every other second.

_God, this isn't going to last long. _I was so embarrassingly close to having an orgasm that I could barely focus. Thankfully, Edward didn't seem to be in a much better condition.

"Bella, I'm going to . . . oh, shit," He muttered at first then his voice turned more into a war cry, exploding inside me.

That sensation unhinged me. I moaned out with my second orgasm, shuddering uncontrollably. We both rode out our pleasure until Edward let out a large breath and collapsed into the chair behind him, his pants down around his ankles.

"God, that was so perfect, Bella," He whispered, drawing me closer until I was settled on his lap again.

"It was," I agreed. "Did you like the food?"

He nodded emphatically.

I gave him a bitter smile. "Well, I figured I'd better make you something special since _food is the only reason you stay around here._"

He looked confused for a moment before understanding washed over his perfect features. "You were awake last night," He stated.

I didn't do him the favor of answering, but rather stood up and pushed my dress back into place. "Edward, I'm going to say this once. Don't argue or interrupt," I began, leaning forward so that our faces were inches apart. "I'm leaving now. When I come home from work tomorrow, your shit better be gone from this apartment. I'm evicting you. You are an asshole and I can't stand the sight of you anymore. Goodbye, Edward," I said calmly, heading towards the front door.

His expression hadn't changed from his state of shock.

"Oh, and leave your keys in my office mailbox. Also, if I find any of the kitchen supplies gone, you're a dead man. We both know anything and everything in that kitchen is mine since I'm the only one who uses it," I finished, making my grand exit and slamming the apartment door closed behind me.

I made my way down to the garage that came attached with this apartment, searching for my Chevy. I clambered inside and drove to Alice's apartment.

I left with a severely wrinkled dress, Edward's cum running down my thighs, and tears running down my face.

****

**Yeah, Bella's a bit dramatic. But I have to admit, if I was in Bella's shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing. I mean really, the man has to pay. Edward got burned big time!**

**I'm making a goal of 150 reviews for the next chapter. You guys did such an awesome job at responding last time that I'm sure you guys can do it this time. What do you say???**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, guys! JUST WOW! I am amazed. Last chapter -- roughly twenty hours ago -- I set a goal for 150 reviews. I now have over 200. I can hardly believe it. I've never gotten such an overwhelming response before and I have to say that it feels effing awesome! :D Now, I promised a chapter at 150 reviews and I anticipated several days to write it, but you guys wanted a chapter earlier, so you guys get one. As a result, it's shorter than my other chapters, but we get an important plot detail.**

**I'd like to extend a whopping thanks to _mommyof3boys _for the help she is giving me on this story. She's my temporary beta and if I ever get egotistical, you can blame her because she boosts my self-esteem like no one's business. So a big thanks to her! Read her stories, people.**

**I'd like to also point out that as you may have noticed, the beginning of this story bears close resemblance to "Edward Wallbanger". I will not disguise the fact that I completely got my inspiration to start this story after reading that one. If you have not already checked it out, please do so because it is immensely hilarious.**

**And with my insanely long commentary, I bring you "Sex and Other Hobbies of my Roommate: Chapter 4".**

**I own nothing, by the way.**

I pressed the buzzer for Alice's apartment once. She didn't answer within the first five seconds so I pressed it again . . . then again . . . and again. I clicked repeatedly, crying the entire time. I needed some comfort. I felt so broken. Edward broke me.

The front door finally opened, but not because it was buzzed open. Alice was pushing it open in person, her arms folding around me and I sobbed into her frail-looking shoulder.

"Oh, Bella," She sighed, murmuring to me and patting my back. Alice, god bless her, supported most of my weight as she helped me totter up the stairs to her home. "Talk to me, Sweetie."

I was deposited on the sofa and Alice huddled next to me, continually rubbing my back. "I-I did e-everything I planned t-to do. I just . . . god, I couldn't help myself. I had sex w-with him. I let the bastard inside my body, Alice. I hate him so much. He already owns my fucking heart. Why did I let him have my body, too?" I demanded to know through my tears.

"You love him," She stated quietly.

Slowly, I nodded. Probably always had. I just couldn't believe it took all of this shit to finally realize it. God, I was an idiot.

"Bella, sleep. Ok? You need to rest," Alice murmured gently, motioning for me to recline on the couch.

I nodded and rolled on my side. Alice turned off the living room light and went to bed herself. I silently cried, thinking how stupid it all was. I couldn't deal with Edward Cullen. I couldn't be near him without hearing that I was worthless to him. Yet, there was no way in hell I was going to stay away. Christ, I loved the man. No, scratch that. I loved the _bastard_.

*

I was being shaken. Groaning, I rolled to find Alice standing over me.

"Bella, it's time for work."

I groaned louder. Work meant Edward. Or as I had decided to nickname him, Dickward.

"I know you don't want to go, but I really don't think Edward should know how affected you are by this. I mean, Edward's my friend, too. But that asshole deserves some punishment and if you show him that he means as much to you as you do to him . . . well, I think that's the best course of action for now."

Alice rocked my world sometimes. I nodded emphatically before skipping off to take a shower, seeing as how I was still coated in sweat, tears, and semen. Reality was disgusting sometimes. I was halfway through peeling my dress off when I stopped mid-stride. My face paled.

We hadn't used protection. I didn't take birth control because it made my period go ape shit. And we didn't use a condom. Shit. Fuck. Damn it.

I looked down at my stomach, wondering exactly what price I was going to pay for indulging just once. Christ, forget the emotional scars. I wasn't ready for a baby. I wasn't married and I honestly had no idea what to do with a kid.

_Edward would be a great Dad._

I did a double take. Did I seriously just think that? God, I _am _in love with him. He ruins my life with heartbreak and pregnancy and here I am thinking positive things about him. Somebody shoot me now.

I stripped down quickly and finished taking my shower, wondering how on Earth I was going to cope with this. Or better yet, how I was going to face Edward at work today knowing that there might be a small chance that I was a mother-in-the-making. Oh, wait. Even better than that, what in the name of all that's holy kind of STD's did I catch? If Edward had sex with Tanya . . . well, there was a very good chance that I _something._

I realized I'd been standing inconceivably still for nearly ten minutes in the shower. My back was almost numb from the continuous pelting water. Alice had insane water pressure. Before I could too thoroughly embrace my panic attack, I wrapped myself up in a towel and redressed in the outfit I'd worn last night, seeing as how I didn't have any other clothes here and Alice was a size zero.

Looking distinctly rumpled in my wrinkled dress and loose-hanging hair that was in sopping wet tangles, I bid Alice goodbye quickly – not giving her the chance to try and play Bella Barbie – and drove to work in my truck, my feeling of dread growing with every mile that passed.

Of course, in seeking an escape from Alice's wrath, I only managed to walk into a much worse situation. Edward was leaning against the hood of his Volvo. He hadn't slept. That much was obvious from the circles under his eyes. He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday, much the same as I was. Agitatedly, he ran his hand through his mess of bronze hair repeatedly.

I noticed all these details with the part of my brain that wasn't occupied with the fact that he was staring holes into my truck. He was waiting for me.

*******

**I already know from past experience that some of you hate the Pregnant Bella stories. I'd like to point out that we don't know for SURE that Bella is pregnant. Heck, I'm not even sure at this point. It depends on how you guys feel. I'd like all of you guys to leave reviews and let me know what you feel about Bella being pregnant. I can make the story go either way.**

**Also, out of pure randomness, I'd like to say that I had precisely one reader from Tanzania, Africa. I just think that's the coolest thing ever that someone in Africa read my story. Not to mention my dad went to Tanzania multiple times. So kudos to you African reader. You rock. :D**

**250 reviews people! You gave me over one hundred last time. We can make 250 easily.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ugh, you guys are killing me here. It's a completely even split between wanting Bella to be pregnant or not. I counted. (Ok, maybe not really, but it was pretty darn even) I'm completely conflicted here. I'm going to put a poll on my profile, ok? And you all need to cast your vote. Majority wins. Capisce? And if it goes a way that you don't want it to, I don't want to hear a single complaint because it's up to the people with this one. Don't blame me.**

**Whew, now that I've gotten that out of the way . . . again, thanks to "mommyof3boys" even if the poll comes up as a non-pregnant Bella.**

**I own nothing.**

My immediate reaction was, "Oh, shit" which was quickly followed by "Hello, father of my possible baby and giver of my possible STD's". Thank god I only said the first one aloud as I stepped out of my truck, huffing a breath with every intent of breezing past Edward. I should have known he was having none of that.

"Bella, we need to talk," He said immediately, stalking by my side as I rushed into work. I needed to escape him.

"Did you get your shit out of my apartment?" I asked coldly as I all but ran to the elevator in the only pair of shoes Alice had in my size at her house: fucking huge heels, of course.

Edward had the nerve to give me a slight smirk. "You didn't think you were getting rid of me that easily, did you?"

I groaned in frustration and powered forward, wondering precisely how much gasoline it would take to set fire to his bed. "Leave me alone, Edward," I growled, repeatedly clicking the "UP" button for the elevator as if that would make it go faster.

"No, Bella. Just because I was an idiot doesn't mean that I'm forfeiting our friendship."

I stopped my incessant clicking of the "UP" button to stare at him icily. "Is that what it is you're trying to save, Edward? Our friendship?"

He nodded confusedly, probably wondering if it was a trick question somehow.

I shook my head. "Then I don't want it." I could never go back to being just friends with Edward. We'd had sex. I was in love with him. I couldn't do 'friends' anymore. I didn't want to be the Bella that he came home to simply for the food. I wanted to be the Bella that he came home to for kisses and hugs and love and sex . . . and sex . . . and sex . . . and a whole lot of sex.

The elevator _finally _opened and I stepped in, my hope of Edward deciding to take the stairs today only half-formed before he stepped in with me. God, the awful elevator music was so out of place in this situation.

"Then what do you want, Bella?"

"If our 'friendship' includes you banging Tanya next door every night, then I don't want a thing to do with it."

"Done," He answered simply. "I already broke up with her. Last night."

I took a moment to comprehend that – whilst gaping like a fish, I might add. I jammed the "5" button in the elevator almost violently. "Well, good for you," I said sarcastically. "What happens when you come home with some other whore?"

"I never bring home whores," Edward contradicted, offended.

I didn't answer him verbally, but raised my right eyebrow high on my forehead, a skill I had perfected at age ten. The elevator music seemed to be atrociously loud in that moment of silence.

He sighed. "Ok, fine. Maybe sometimes."

I nodded in the satisfaction at having made him admit that. "What I mean is that it's going to happen again – whether it's with Tanya or some other skank – and I'm not going to sit back and let you hurt me just because you want a good fuck every night."

Edward was clearly on the verge of replying when the elevator came to a shuddering halt rather abruptly. My already precarious balance on Alice's heels was jeopardized and I went careening directly on top of Edward, knocking him to the floor.

We both stared at each other for a moment in complete bewilderment before three separate things occurred to me. One, I was on top of Edward. Two, that was very bad because I was angry as hell at Edward and it wouldn't help matters if I were to start dry humping him. And three, he was hard. As in rock hard.

Blanching, I started scooting backwards until I was sitting on the opposite side of the elevator. I stared at Edward's groin as if it had done me a personal injustice.

"Bella, would you mind closing your legs?" Edward practically groaned, his eyes focused underneath my dress.

I still didn't have underwear and I hadn't had the nerve to ask Alice for some, afraid with both her reaction and what kind of lingerie she'd make me wear. Snapping my legs closed, I blushed, looking down and biting my lip. "Why did the elevator stop?" _And better yet, why is the music still playing? Shouldn't the god awful music stop playing with the elevator shutting down? Jesus, it can barely even be characterized as music._

"Maintenance went on strike a few weeks ago, remember? They just called off the strike yesterday and everybody's back at work now. I bet they're fixing the wiring in the elevator now since no one took care of it for a month," Edward explained softly. "We just have to wait for them to finish."

I groaned. "You've got to be shitting me. Just my luck."

Edward glared. "Thanks, Bella. I'm flattered."

"Oh, don't even pretend to be offended. You deserve it and you know it. Besides, I'm the angry one here, remember?" After pointing out that obvious fact, I shuffled back even further till I was sitting in the corner, the farthest away from Edward I could possibly be right now.

"God, you overreact _so _much, Bella," He sighed at me. "Yes, I shouldn't have said that, but really! Jesus, I say one bad thing about you and you kick me out of the apartment."

"Overreact?" I gasped, mortally offended. "You told me I was worthless and you only stuck around for the food!"

"No, correction, Bella. I didn't say that to _you. _I told that to my girlfriend to heal her wounded ego. You just happened to inconveniently overhear it. Those words were never meant for you to hear."

I couldn't believe what he was telling me. _Inconveniently overhear. _My god, he was a lunatic. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Edward? Just because you didn't say it directly to me doesn't mean you didn't say it."

He sighed tiredly and rubbed his face before running a hand through his messy hair and then massaging his stubbly jaw. "And just because I said it doesn't mean I meant it," He finished. "You know that you mean more to me than just your food. Hell, take that as a compliment. I fucking _love _your cooking. But that's not the point. The point is that you're my friend and you have a place in my heart." He patted his chest to emphasize his meaning.

_What if I want to be more than a friend? What if I want to have more than a place in your heart? I want to own your heart._

I didn't answer him for fear of blurting out something stupid. I retracted even further into my little corner if that was possible. It was becoming more and more obvious that the air conditioning had stopped working as the time passed. Sweat was forming on my forehead and at my arm pits. And yet, the horrific elevator music was still playing. That made no logical sense to me. How was it possible for the elevator and air conditioning to stop working, but the music keeps playing? Someone out there was torturing me. I could just imagine some sort of god at a laptop, controlling my destiny simply by clacking away at the keys. God, they were evil for making me go through this. Now I was going to be all hot and sweaty right next to Edward.

I mentally paused my brain at that excruciatingly hot thought, biting my lip so hard that I tasted blood. Darting my tongue out, I licked the salt and copper taste.

Edward let out a low moan. "Bella, please for the love of all that's holy, stop biting and licking your lips."

My brow crinkled. "Why?"

From where he was sitting on the floor, he moved closer to me. "Because, Bella," He said in a husky voice. "The only thing that is keeping me from having sex with you right now is the fact that you'd probably slap me and that security camera." He pointed up and indeed, there was a camera watching our every move. Security probably wouldn't be too entertained with a live porno . . . well, maybe. I was willing to bet some of them were perverted enough.

My lip trembled at the thought of having sex with him right here. "What happens to being friends?" I asked in a voice that barely escaped being classified as tremulous.

Edward paused in his movement and I realized he'd been getting closer to me. "Friends with benefits?" He asked me hopefully.

I went from turned on to enraged in three seconds flat. "Fuck you, Cullen."

"You already have," He reminded me.

"Shut up," I growled. "That was purely for the purpose of spiting you."

"I wouldn't mind if you were to go on spite-filled rampage again," He informed me silkily, staring me in the eyes.

The fact that he was so smoothly propositioning me the day after I told him to get the fuck out of my apartment was enough to make me snap. I slapped him across the face and I think I might have even let out a little roar of rage. "How's that for spite, you bastard?"

Edward rubbed his jaw in surprise and there was a long silence – in which the bland elevator music nearly drove me to insanity—because I'd never hit him before. And it was a bloody wonder, too, considering how much he angered me sometimes. "What the hell am I supposed to do, Bella? I offer friendship and you want more. I offer you more and you just want friendship."

I huffed indignantly, standing up and walking to the other side of the elevator to provide as much distance as I could. "I don't want either from you, Edward. I don't want friendship from you and I definitely don't want to be another notch in your bedpost."

"You're more than that, Bella," He whispered, standing as well and advancing.

I backed into the wall, hitting my head in the process. I felt like I was being hunted by a very experienced hunter. _Very _experienced. I whimpered in both fear and want. In that instant I wanted him so badly that it hurt right at the base of my throat, like the muscles there were too tense and Edward would soothe them. But I was afraid. Afraid of all the different ways that I was vulnerable towards him. He truly was the predator. He could hurt me.

Edward seemed to just hear the "want" part of my whimper because his lips were suddenly on mine. We hadn't kissed when we had sex before. Edward _had _kissed me before when we played spin-the-bottle as kids, but he hadn't kissed me like _this. _He hadn't kissed me so passionately. His mouth was so warm and perfect against mine. He groaned and pushed me harder into the wall until my spinal cord felt ruptured. I could taste the sweat on his upper lip where there was some light stubble. Edward obviously hadn't shaved this morning.

Just as I was about to insist that we disable the security camera somehow and get our funk on, the elevator lurched into motion again. Edward mumbled something I couldn't catch, but I distinctly heard the words, "Blue balls". He _was _a sex addict. Christ, we'd just had sex yesterday and he most definitely had gotten off or else I wouldn't be in my current mess.

Rolling my eyes, I fervently thanked – and cursed at – the gods of fate. I thanked them because I didn't have sex with Edward and I cursed them because . . . well, for the same reason. Both a blessing and a curse, that's what Edward was. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

The doors to the elevator opened before I could conjure up any more highly clichéd phrases to use.

I ran like a bat out of hell – oops, more clichés – from the elevator, thankful to escape both the heat and the dreadful music, and suffered suspicious glances from both Alice and Emmett as my flushed, rumpled appearance. Of course, Emmett's suspicion immediately told me that Alice had been a loud mouth. Someone was going to get a pair of ridiculously long heels shoved up their ass later. Making sure to glare at Alice, I sat down at my desk, winded. Almost immediately, I picked up my phone and dialed a number in, waiting with bated breath.

Edward strolled to his office, giving me a heavy, lasting look as he passed. I blushed and heard the phone ring again.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Carlisle, it's Bella. I need to talk to you," I said, trying to stress the importance of this with the tone of my voice.

"Feel free. What do you need, dear?" He asked me. He didn't usually call me dear, but I think he was showing me that he wasn't acting like the owner of the company right now.

"You're like a second father to me, Carlisle. You know that. And when you hired me, I promised to never take advantage of that fact." I paused. "But I need to ask for a favor."

********

**We didn't quite reach 250 here -- probably because I'm popping out these chapters like no one's business -- so I'll make a compromise. 275 reviews, ok? That's only like 35 more.**

**AND DON'T FORGET TO VOTE! YOU CONTROL BELLA'S FUTURE!**


	6. Chapter 6

**THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!!**

**If you have not already, please make your way to my profile page and vote in the poll I have there. It controls the direction of this story. It's very important. I'll let you people know now, at this very moment, there is a complete TIE as to whether Bella is pregnant or not. I'm closing the poll by the end of the next chapter, maybe the chapter after that if I change my plans. But in any case, you guys need to vote NOW!**

**On a sidenote, you guys are reviewing like crazy and I'm barely able to keep up with it. It makes me so happy! Thank you so much. And in case you didn't notice, I posted over ten thousand words in the course of three days with none of it pre-written and that's all because of the reviews I get. You guys encourage me to keep on writing and I just can't say no to that. Keep them coming! (Hey, get it? Keep them _coming? _Haha! I said coming!!! . . . yeah, yeah, I'm immature. Read on anyway.)**

I could hear his surprise through his silence. I'd never asked him for anything extra or special when I agreed to take this job. But I needed something now. "Is anything wrong?"

From years of practice, my automatic response was, "No." Then I sighed and conceded, "Yes, fuck yes. Everything is wrong. We really need to talk."

"Uh-oh. This sounds bad. Why don't you come up to my office and we'll finish this conversation in private? I'd rather hear whatever you have to say in person," He said in that voice of calm assurance. Carlisle knew what to do. He always did.

"Ok," I agreed quietly, hanging up the phone. I teetered up six flights of stairs in my heels because there was no way in hell I was stepping into the damn elevator again today. My calves were killing me by the time I reached Carlisle's office and breathlessly knocked on his office door.

"Come in," He beckoned, leaning back in chair. When he saw it was me, he maneuvered forward and perched on his desk with his weight on his elbows, his fingertips touching. "What may I do for you, Bella?"

_Get your son the fuck out of my life. _"Um, I kind of have a problem with Edward and I'd like to be moved to a different branch," I admitted with a shaky breath. Whether it was from crawling up the stairs or from my nerves, I wasn't sure.

Carlisle's brow furrowed. "What problem?"

"Yeah, about that . . . ," I trailed off, reluctant to even begin.

"Bella, why don't you sit down and tell me what happened?" He suggested calmly, gesturing to the straight-backed chair in front of his desk. It was the kind of chair that made you straighten your spine and vaguely reminded me of a chair they'd make you sit in for interrogation.

My aching calves automatically agreed with him and I found myself seated and staring at Carlisle's face. He was a blonde, blue-eyed version of Edward. I swear they had almost the same face except for their lips. Edward had Esme's lips.

I realized I'd been staring when Carlisle coughed uncomfortably. "Sorry," I muttered as I blushed. "Edward is your spitting image. I can't help myself."

Carlisle smiled gently. "You say that every time I catch you staring at me."

"No, not staring at _you_," I corrected, blushing further. "At the Edward in you."

We were quiet for a moment before Carlisle straightened his ice blue tie and cleared his throat. "Well, Bella, what kind of fight has broken out that's severe enough that you want to be placed in a different branch?"

He didn't beat around the bush, did he? "Carlisle, I honestly am too embarrassed to tell you. Not to mention, if you knew the whole story, you'd probably rip Edward a fucking new one."

Carlisle grimaced at my language. "That bad, eh?"

I nodded. "Pretty much. Anyway, I've asked – well, more like told – Edward to move out of the apartment and that won't make a difference if I still have to tolerate him at work."

"Bella, you've never _tolerated _my son. What happened?" He asked insistently.

He looked just enough like Edward that I was able to shut out his pleading expression. "Please, Carlisle," I begged. "I can't deal with him."

He sighed tiredly. "All right, I'll move you. But don't expect me to drop this. If Edward's done something wrong, then he needs to fix it."

"He can't fix this, Carlisle," I muttered, standing up from my seat. "Thank you, by the way."

"I should have you moved by the end of this week," He replied somewhat tersely, frustrated at my refusal to inform him.

I offered a tentative smile and exited the office, receiving yet another look from Alice when I reappeared downstairs. Not caring that personal conversations were frowned upon, I made a beeline to her. She was buzzing with questions before I was even in hearing range.

"Bella, why the hell were you late and sweaty when you came in? And why did Edward come in right after you? Please tell me you didn't do it again."

I rolled my eyes at her. "The elevator broke down and the air conditioning turned off. That's it, ok?" I said evasively. I didn't disclose the fact that I practically mauled Edward back there.

She gave me a look as if I wasn't being truthful.

I sighed. "Alright, fine. He kissed me. Ok? We just kissed. That's it," I grumbled. Of course, Emmett chose that moment to sidle over. God, he was as bad a gossip as any girl. Worse even.

"Were you fucking Edward again?" He asked pointblank.

My jaw dropped and I stared at him for a full ten seconds before the true realization of what he just said washed over me. I turned on Alice. "You fucking blabber mouth!" I hissed at her.

She shrugged, unrepentant. "Emmett is your friend, too. And he's Edward friend as well. He had a right to know."

After giving her the most poisonous glare I could muster up, I turned my gaze back to Emmett with loathing. "Listen here, you big oaf. What happened between Edward and I was and is absolutely _none _of your business. Got it? But since you already know, I'd like to inform you that the only reason it happened was because Edward was a bastard and I was getting him back purely for spite."

"Spite, my ass," An all-too-familiar voice breathed down my neck.

I whirled and found Edward standing right behind me, apparently listening in to every word I said with a dark expression on his face. "Alice, how long has the asshole been standing there?"

"Since you said the words 'big oaf'," Edward replied for her.

I rolled my eyes. Fan-fucking-tastic. "Great," I muttered.

"Bella, come to my office," Edward said, already retreating.

I snorted. There was no way in hell.

"That wasn't a request. I'm telling you as your boss," He growled at me. Oh god, had Carlisle told him that I was leaving? Shit, shit, shit!

Feigning nonchalance, I shrugged and rolled my eyes, following after him. No good was going to come of this. Shooting Alice a worried look over my shoulder, I saw her mouth the words, "_Stay strong." _I knew that meant to not have sex with him in Alice speak.

Edward held the door to his office open for me and promptly snapped it closed when I was all the way inside. "You went to my father," He accused softly.

My eyes flashed back to him. _Damn Carlisle. Can nobody here keep their damn mouths shut? _

Edward seemed to take my expression as a yes, because he continued on. "Bella, I don't want you to leave."

I swallowed. "Why?"

"Because . . . because, I don't want you to," He said in a frustrated tone, running hand through his hair.

"That' s not good enough, Edward."

"What the fuck do you want, then?"

I fixed my eyes directly on his. I could think of several different ways to break the news to him that I might have the slightest possible chance of being pregnant, but I was so angry in that moment that it just slipped out. Edward made me so fucking enraged. "I want a man who knows it's a bad idea to have unprotected sex with a woman who _isn't _on birth control," I said in a steely voice before marching to the other side of his desk.

I grabbed his coat off the back of the chair and snatched the apartment key out of his pocket so he couldn't get in. Then, I stormed out of his office, leaving him to work out what I'd said. Alice immediately was in my face, asking me questions enthusiastically because she didn't know that I had a fucking big problem. Thoroughly ignoring her, I stalked to my cubicle and gathered my coat and car keys. I reached down and unbuckled the insane heels I was wearing, proceeding to hand them to Alice.

"Here are your damn shoes," I said, thrusting them at her. Without another word, I made my way, barefoot, to my truck in the parking lot. I probably looked like a crazy person, mumbling angrily to myself and walking without shoes on asphalt.

I snorted at the thought. I didn't _look _like a crazy person. I _was _a crazy person. And it was all because of Edward Cullen and the potential potency of his damn sperm.

********

**Since I can barely keep up, the new goal is to reach 375 reviews. That's not much. You guys can do it.**

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	7. Chapter 7

**Can anyone say, "HOLY REVIEWS, BATMAN!" It's officially over 400!!! SWEET! You guys rule. As a treat, I made Bella and Edward stop being immature and talk to each other. It wasn't easy, believe me. They are so stubborn. Edward's an idiot and Bella has a temper like no other. The next chapter is going to be my cut off for the voting of whether Bella is going to experience baby joy or not. Get over to my profile and vote!**

**I own nothing and I'd like to once again thank_ mommyof3boys _for her incredible patience with my ranting PM's. (Sorry about that!)**

**I own nothing except the plot.**

I drove home recklessly, pushing my poor truck to its limit when I coaxed it to go over fifty. Even though I felt bad for the poor beast, I couldn't resist the temptation of slamming the car door closed when I arrived home. I really had no idea why I'd spilled the beans to Edward like that. I mean, secrecy was generally a bad thing, but my god, there had to be some exceptions. And I hadn't meant to tell him exactly like that anyway. I hadn't meant to imply that this was his fault alone. I mean, Jesus, it really was all my fault. I seduced the bastard. I know I didn't have birth control. I didn't mean to blame just him.

Sighing to myself, I scampered up the stairs to my apartment and managed to step on a nail with my bare foot. I hissed out a breath and hobbled the rest of the way up, biting my lip to keep from swearing really loudly. I'm sure my landlady wouldn't appreciate the state of extreme agony I was in. It was a scientific fact that your feet have the most nerve endings in your entire body. I personally thought my hoo-hah was more sensitive, but then again, I wasn't a scientist.

_God, I need to get myself a new brain that isn't as fucked up as this one is, _I thought with a pitiful sigh, locking my apartment door behind me. My phone chose that moment to ring. I wasn't at all surprised when I saw that Edward was calling me. I clicked ignore. I couldn't talk to him. Not until I found out if I was pregnant or not. And got checked for STD's. I mean, I was pretty sure Edward was careful around Tanya considering how many times I'd had to buy condoms for him since I was the only one that did grocery shopping around here. But you never knew . . .

I groaned to myself, doing a face plant onto my sofa and wallowing in my misery and stupidity for having unprotected sex. My phone rang again and I knew Edward was just going to keep calling until he reached me. Dreading it, I slowly reached my hand to my pocket and pulled my phone up to my face, clicking the green "Talk" button.

"You've reached the suicide hotline. What is your emergency?" I asked in a professional voice. It seemed appropriate considering how incredibly depressed I was feeling.

"Very funny, Bella," Edward muttered. "I'm standing outside the door. Let me in."

I suddenly flopped over on the couch and my eyes focused on the bottom of my front door. Sure enough, there were two strips of shadow that I assumed to be Edward's feet. I groaned into the phone. "Go away. I'm not letting you in. I don't want any contact with you and if you would get a fucking clue, you'd realize that."

Edward sighed. "Bella, _please. _I want to make this right. I mean, if you . . . if you _are _pregnant, then you can just get the morning after pill, right?"

"That's murder, Edward," I said disgustedly. He should know better. I was very conservative about that particular issue and that fact that he would even suggest it was revolting to me.

"Bella, the egg isn't even fertilized yet," He said in a pained voice. "This doesn't have to be as complicated as you're making it."

I grew inexplicably angrier. Probably because he was right. I mean, I made a mistake and I could clean it up by taking one little pill . . . but, I couldn't. In my eyes, even if I was mistaken to many people, it was murder. The killing of a possible tendril of life. And as god awful as it sounded considering the circumstances, if I was going to bring any baby into the world, then I was so fucking glad that it was Edward's.

I froze in my current position – not the most comfortable, let me tell you – and paused. Christ, I loved Edward so much if I could possibly be thinking that while he was going around suggesting we be friends with benefits. I scoffed at that thought and promptly hung up the phone. I was psychotic for even considering the idea of being _happy _about this.

An image of me cradling a newborn with brilliant tufts of copper hair and Edward's green eyes filled my head. I leaned back on the couch and moaned, "Shit." I was so royally screwed. _God, it's the hormones. Please let it be the hormones. If I actually want this baby, then I'll get attached and I won't be able to give it up for adoption. _At the mere thought of sending some newborn baby with Edward's eyes to some unknown world where I didn't know if he'd be cared for, my lip trembled and I held in tears.

My phone rang again.

I threw it at the door.

Surprisingly, it still rang. That thing could be bombed and it would still make that atrocious noise.

"Bella, let me in the fucking apartment," Edward called from the door, his voice muffled. The ringing stopped.

"No, I hate you too much," I replied, lying of course. If anything, I hated him for the fact that I didn't hate him nearly enough.

I heard him pacing outside. "I'd really rather not knock _this _door down as well."

I grimaced at the reminder of the last time he'd done that little parlor trick. My eyes flicked to my bedroom door, which was still in splinters on the ground of my doorway. With defeat, I flicked the lock and surrendered, twisting the knob slowly. I kept my eyes trained on the ground. "Make this quick, Edward, because I'm running low on patience right now." I wasn't sure if I meant patience with him or with myself.

His fingers seized my chin and jerked my head up, making my eyes meet his. I barely had a chance to examine his expression be he lunged forward and was kissing me again. I was not at all prepared for his assault of my mouth, so I went stumbling backwards, hissing in pain because of the gaping hole I had in my foot from the nail. And by gaping hole, I mean the little pinprick. But a little pinprick that hurt like hell to put weight on.

Edward helped steer my teetering form, never breaking his lips from mine. We fell backwards on the couch, our legs severely entangled. It'd be a wonder if we ever managed to _dis_entangle ourselves again.

The whole time, I'd barely reacted aside from my body going on lockdown as I often did when in shock. What the fuck was going on? When Edward resurfaced for air, we both looked at each other, gasping for breath. I was surprised as hell and Edward . . . he just looked intense, though I couldn't pick out a specific emotion.

I took a moment to calm myself, Edward's weight still firmly resting on top of me. "Edward, I'm going to give you ten seconds to remove yourself from my apartment."

"Or what?" He asked.

I didn't have an answer to give him. I'd threaten him with physical violence, but I knew that if it really came down to that, Edward could easily overpower me. And I couldn't threaten to call the cops because that would mean that Charlie would become involved in this nightmare. As if I didn't have enough problems already. Charlie would demand an abortion if I was truly pregnant. He didn't share my views on the topic of abortion. I made an odd choking noise when I realized that I really had no way of making Edward leave.

"Why are you so afraid?" He whispered, kissing my neck.

"You're going to hurt me," I whimpered.

"I'd never hurt you, Bella," He argued.

I rolled my eyes. "I meant emotionally, dumbass. I'm so emotionally scarred from your presence that it's sickening."

Edward rolled off of me and kneeled by the couch. "How?" He demanded.

"Ten years, Edward. Ten years of friendship and you never noticed that I start drooling when you walk in the room," I said disdainfully, though the disdain was directed more at myself. I was pathetic sometimes.

"Don't you dare blame me for that, Swan. This isn't just my fault, you know. You never said a peep. I never heard a word out of you. Sure you complained when Tanya came over, but you always said that was the noise. I mean, what am I supposed to work with? I thought you just wanted to be friends. I never offered you anything more than friendship because I didn't you'd want it."

I practically growled at how infuriatingly blind Edward was. He'd been hit on thousands of times by the opposite gender. He knew the game that was played. Yet, he'd never realized that I didn't want this 'game' to be a spectator sport for me. I wanted in.

"You, Edward Cullen, are quite possibly the most ignorant person I've ever met," I declared, sitting up and staring at him. "I can't believe you don't see it. Even today, you fucking suggested we be _friends with benefits! _You're so blind!"

_I'm in love with you, you stupid man. Love. I love you. Love, love, love!_

"So tell me what I'm not seeing!" He shouted, tugging at his hair, frustrated.

I thought for a moment. This was going to be emotionally painful. _I am a sick masochist. _I cringed as I scooted over on the couch until Edward was kneeling between my legs and our faces were inches apart. Almost as if in slow motion, I leaned closer to him with slightly parted lips.

My hand left hand found purchase in his silky hair while I used my right palm to caress his jaw and cheek that were rough with dark copper stubble. I put everything I had in that kiss.

The first part was our friendship. Sweet, teasing, not satisfying, barely making contact with his mouth.

Then Tanya's appearance in his life. I was rough with him. I meshed my mouth to his until I felt my mouth was swollen and I tasted iron from where my teeth had cut the inside of my lip. I wanted him to feel the frustration and pain.

Then his betrayal to our friendship. I bit his neck and he groaned in pain. I didn't worry. That was a small candle to the forest fire of what I'd felt.

God, then came the sex part. The hand I had wrapped in his hair tightened and I pushed myself off the couch and pinned him in a straddle. It was lust, want, need.

Afterwards, it was more anger. My fingernails dug a trail across his chest, making him grunt and murmur the words, "cat woman" around my mouth.

And finally, there was the pregnancy and the love. My kisses slowed and became gentle and tender. It was practically chaste, less animalistic.

Edward, through the whole thing – which lasted roughly ten minutes – tried to keep up with me. Just as he was settling into a soft kiss, I'd bite him or scratch and he'd have to start over again. He was mostly the kissee and I was the kisser.

When he recognized my soft kissing though, Edward moaned in my mouth and tried to thread his hand up my thighs. I smacked it away and bit his lip in warning, continuing with the soft kiss. I pressed my lips once more to his before kissing the pulse point at his neck gently where I'd bitten him. I leaned back to see the expression on his face.

He was utterly dazed. "What . . . what was that?"

"That's what you're not seeing, Edward," I answer in a whisper. I pressed my palm to his chest and felt with great satisfaction his frantically beating heart. I placed his palm above my left breast so he could feel my heart pumping irregularly as well. I leaned down and breathed in his ear, "You're not seeing how much I love you."

I waited for him to respond, praying for a reaction along the lines of, "Bella, I love you, too. I was an asshole and I'd love to have children with you. By the way, I happened to be carrying this engagement ring with me. Will you marry me?"

Ok, that was probably a tad optimistic. Probably.

Edward was a stuttering mess. His eyes were wide and he put boy scouts everywhere to shame. Edward wasn't prepared. Well, I hadn't really expected him to be. I had just sprung that on him.

I sighed at his inability to say it back and stood up from the position I'd been straddling him in. I turned to my room, hoping to catch some sleep. But Edward caught my wrist, his eye blazing.

He didn't say a word as he all but carried me to his room instead.

I knew where this was going and fuck if I was even going to try to stop it.

****

**:O ---- That's what Bella's face is going to look like when Edward gives her the big "O" in the next chapter. ;D ;D ;D**

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	8. Chapter 8

**As a special New Year's gift, her's an EXTRA LONG chapter. I was GOING to cut it off like halfway, but I decided to prolong it as a gift to all of you amazing readers out there. My expectations for reviews has been outdone so many times that I can barely believe it.**

**A REALLY IMPORTANT SIDENOTE!!! PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU CONTINUE!!!**

**Some readers were getting confused from last chapter. The line, _"_**_I waited for him to respond, praying for a reaction along the lines of, "Bella, I love you, too. I was an asshole and I'd love to have children with you. By the way, I happened to be carrying this engagement ring with me. Will you marry me?"_

_ Ok, that was probably a tad optimistic. Probably._**" was really misunderstood. What I intended that as was what Bella WANTED Edward to say after she told him she loves him. I'm so sorry that people got confused about that. Just thought I'd clear that up. He didn't ACTUALLY propose. He's not smart enough to do that. :(**

**I'd like to thank _XxMiaZeBookwormxX_ and _mommyof3boys_ for their help on this story. _XxMiaZeBookwormxX_ is my self-proclaimed number one fan and _mommyof3boys _is my beta for this story. They've both helped me and given me ideas for this story. You can thank _mommyof3boys_ for the ice cream thing. ;D (You'll see)**

**On another note, some people said they didn't know how to vote on this site, so here's an instruction guide for you. See my profile name up in the left hand corner? It should be underlined. Click on that it should take you to my profile. At the top of the page, there's an underlined question. Click on that and it will take you to the poll so you can vote.**

**I hope that helped those of you who were confused. Ok, commencement with the story!**

**I own nothing, except for two exceptionally large dogs.**

*******

Edward's mouth was needy on mine and I couldn't even begin to fathom what was going on his head. He spent ten years ignoring me and then he acts like a perpetually horny seventeen year old. What the fuck was up with that? And I hadn't missed the fact that he hadn't said it back. He hadn't said that he loves me.

"Bella," He moaned against my skin, working hurriedly to tear off my white dress.

"Oh god, I'm going to regret this in the morning," I muttered under my breath, unzipping his pants quickly. He didn't love me.

Edward smirked. "No woman who gets fucked by me regrets it."

I couldn't help my next remark considering how stupid that statement was. "I did."

He sighed and chose to ignore that remark, returning to kiss my skin and slip my bra off. "I can't believe you were always next door and I could have been doing this every night."

"You were too busy fucking Tanya," I grumbled.

Edward stopped his kisses for a moment. "Bella, stop it. I'm not the only at fault here. Stop guilt-tripping me. We're equal partners in this."

I bit my lip to keep from making a rude comment considering he was right. God, the man made me mad and I couldn't help myself sometimes. "Fine, I apologize. It just irritates me."

Edward gently wrapped his arms around my waist and lowered me on his bed. It kind of scared me a little to know how many naked bodies had been on this bed. Before Edward met Tanya, he'd been a man whore in every way, shape, and form. He'd been monogamous with Tanya once they started dating, but my god, the bed cover was probably the least sanitary object in the room.

"You're cringing," He stated.

I sighed. "Can we please do this in my room?"

"Why?"

"At least that way I know that I'm not having sex in a bed that Tanya constantly occupied," I muttered, not waiting for his answer and crawling off the bed. I couldn't even begin to describe the immense satisfaction it gave me to use the past tense.

Scrambling over my broken door – thanks again, Edward – I jumped onto my bed, still completely naked. I could barely believe I was going to be doing this all over again. Hadn't I learned my lesson the first time?

_Shut up, Swan. You are naked and going to have sex with the sexiest man of all time. Sit down, shut up, and get fucked._

_Yeah, look where that got me last time._

_You might not even be pregnant, _my inner-voice argued back.

Edward followed behind me, pulling off his button-down in the process. He stopped short at the sight of me completely naked on the bed. I spread my legs wide and gave him quite an eyeful, beckoning with my finger. He all but ran.

I tugged his slacks off ferociously, thinking how bad an idea this was at the same time.

_Earth to Bella. Gorgeous man in front of you. Wants to fuck you. Stop thinking about the cons._

My inner-voice was desperate for my demise, I swear. But apparently, so was I. I slid Edward's boxers down, gently scratching my nails along his thighs.

He groaned, crawling on top of me and balancing on his forearms and knees as he kissed my collarbone. "Tell me what you want, Bella."

"Guess," I whispered breathily, a challenge in my eyes.

Edward laughed. "Do you want to be touched, Isabella?" He murmured, brushing his fingertips from my throat to my navel and moving back up.

I nodded. Please, dear god, touch me.

"I didn't hear you."

"Touch me, Edward," I said aloud, somewhat turned on from his dominating presence. I guess he was making up for last time since I had been the one in control. I frowned at the memory of last time, my eyes suddenly going wide. "Please tell me you have condoms."

"Of course I do. You think I'd forget after last time?"

"Get them, please. I just want to be sure."

He strode from my room with purpose and I couldn't help but stare at his perfect ass as he left. I heard him rummaging around next door and I sat up, rubbing the tops of my arms. It was fucking cold. My nipples insistently poked out, begging for attention and heat.

Edward returned with the condom already unwrapped on his erection. I stared. I hadn't taken the appropriate time necessary to fully appreciate Edward's dick. It was perfect. Both size and appearance. Dark veins intertwined in seemingly random patterns and the lubricated latex gave it sheen.

"Are you ready for me, Bella?" He asked in a low voice.

"Yes," I answered simply. I wanted him to make me scream like he made Tanya scream night after night.

He maneuvered between my legs and gave my slit a few laps of his tongue before repositioning. He filled me slowly, inching in.

I let out a shaky breath, clutching the bed sheet. "Oh, god, this isn't going to last long," I mumbled, biting my lip.

"Oh yes, it is," He assured me. "You and I aren't leaving this bed until you've come at least three times."

I put on my one and only sex kitten expression. "But what happens if I want you to fuck me against the wall. That would require us getting out of bed."

"Bella," He groaned. "Such a tease." He suddenly pumped into me and I moaned.

I rolled my hips as he continually pounded me, our skin slapping together. My head lolled back and I was fairly certain my eyes crossed. "Oh, shit. Fuck. Shit. Damn. Shit," I swore, my body shivering. I needed to get a grip. It wasn't fair that seemingly any sexual experience I had with Edward lasted all of two minutes.

Edward groaned at how tight I was when my muscles clenched, but he continued to piston in and out of me. His thumb reached between us and he stroked my clit.

I made nonsensical yells and moans, my breath coming quickly. I stared up at Edward only to find him staring back. His eyes were intensely focused on my expressions.

"See something," _gasp _"you like?"

He laughed. "I like you better when you're coming."

I wasn't sure if that was an insult to my non-orgasmic state at that moment, or if it was Edward saying that he liked it when I came. I chose the latter mainly because it turned me on. On the verge of making a witty comment back, I lost my cool again, clenching down on his dick. "Christ, why do you make me come so fast?" I pouted after gaining the ability to speak again.

Edward kissed my neck and nipped my earlobe, coming as well. He gave a final thrust before settling his weight on top of me. "Bella," He said breathlessly. "Between the two of us coming prematurely, I think we're both happier when it's you."

"Good point," I muttered, wrapping my legs around the backs of his thighs and my arms around his torso. I gently scratched his back, making him purr. I stopped. "Did you just purr?"

Edward nodded his bronze head.

"Well, that's something I haven't heard before," I said with satisfaction. Tanya – or anybody else for that matter – had never made Edward purr. At least, not when they had sex with him next door.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me.

"What? I had to listen to you every fucking night and I have _never _heard you make that noise before," I explained.

He ducked his head and rested his chin against my shoulder. I could feel him shaking with silent laughter, though.

"What the fuck is so funny?" I demanded. You weren't supposed to laugh after sex. Cardinal rule.

"You, Bella," He answered me, his emerald eyes dancing with amusement. "You probably know more about my sex life than I do."

I nodded. "Probably.

"I like it," He admitted.

I grinned because I couldn't help it. "Well, that's probably better than how most people would react. Most people would get a restraining order."

"Well, I'm not most people, now am I?" He smirked before pressing his lips to my neck and leaving me a large, purple hickey.

I groaned. "Could you have at least put it further down on my neck? How am I going to cover this up at work?"

"Does it matter? It's not like I'm going to fire you." He let out a yawn after that declaration.

_Great. Not only am I in bed right now with Edward, my best friend. I'm also in bed with Edward, my boss. I better get a fucking amazing Christmas bonus. _"It _does _matter because I'm not going to be working for you. I don't want to go to a new boss wearing _this _badge of honor."

"Are you serious?" He asked, lifting his head in alarm. "Even after you tell me you love me, you're _still _going to work for someone else?"

I sighed and remained silent. I wasn't sure anymore. My sanity was so phased by the possible pregnancy that I wasn't sure of anything. If I stayed with Edward and it turned out that I _was _pregnant, what if he rejected me? What if he wanted to keep the baby and not give it up for adoption? What if he didn't want anything to do with the baby? My god, I couldn't answer these questions at all and therefore, I couldn't make a decision at all. Ugh, damn it.

My thought process was interrupted by Edward snoring against my chest. I looked down to see his eyes shut and his mouth slightly agape. This _was _a sound I was used to. Edward snored occasionally.

I maneuvered myself out from under him and tucked the comforter around his naked body. He was out like a light. _Edward Cullen is naked in my bed. _The thought suddenly occurred to me and I realized that I would never see my queen mattress in quite the same way.

I attempted to sleep as soundly as he did, but it became apparent after a few hours of twitching in bed that I was completely restless. My eyes darted to the clock. 12:09. I'd said I was going to regret this in the morning and goddamn it, I meant that.

Yup, cue the regret.

Staring down at Edward's innocently sleeping face, I realized that there was only one way to stave off the crushing regret.

Ben and Jerry's ice cream therapy.

I threw back the covers and wandered to the kitchen naked, grabbing the half-empty carton – yes, I'm pessimistic – and a plastic spoon. I sat down in my usual place at the kitchen table and dug in.

I couldn't keep doing this to myself. Yes, having sex with Edward was sexually gratifying – understatement of the year – but if I got involved with him now only to get rejected by him later, in the event that I was actually pregnant, it would be ten times worse. I had no doubt about that. Edward lived the life of a carefree bachelor and to think that I could force him into a life of fatherhood and responsibility was borderline delusional. Not to mention we'd barely gotten to know each other as anything aside from best friends. That kind of transition was rocky enough – on top of having him as my boss – without adding a pregnancy into the mix.

I sighed to myself at the depressing realizations. My plastic spoon hit the bottom of the carton and I frowned, setting it down on the kitchen table. I cupped my face in my hands and sighed again.

Someone cleared their throat and I jerked my head up to see Edward leaning against the doorway, with the unfortunate addition of boxer shorts this time. "You left," He said quietly, stifling a yawn behind his hand and rubbing his tired eyes, though they weren't tired enough that he couldn't give my nudity a thorough scan.

"I just needed some BJ therapy," I replied, holding up the empty carton of ice cream as evidence.

However, the groggy Edward suddenly became immensely alert and his eyes went wide.

I scoffed when I realized what the change in his expression was about. "When I say BJ, I mean Ben and Jerry's, Edward, not blow job." I shook the carton again for emphasis.

Edward's eyes relaxed and comprehension dawned on him. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, I . . . uh, just misunderstood. I was going to say . . . well, if you needed some help with your BJ therapy, I'd be a willing participant."

I snorted and licked my spoon suggestively.

Edward made a whimpering noise and took a step forward.

I set the spoon down before I gave him any ideas . . . well, before I gave him any _more _ideas. "Go back to bed."

"Only if you come back with me."

I shook my head. "I can't sleep and I'm going to be on a sugar high any minute now. Not to mention the fact that I don't cuddle. Ever."

"You don't have to cuddle. I just want you there."

I looked at the pleading expression on his face and was even more confused. Yes, he was cared for me to some extent, but did he love me? I mean, could someone say something like he just did and not be in love. But the question was: did he love me enough to raise a child with me?

"You look like you're trying to solve a difficult math equation in your head," He commented.

I worked to ease my features and sighed, giving up when I knew there was no way to do it short of Botox. "Edward, I really don't think we should share the bed."

His brow wrinkled. "Why not?"

"Just because, ok?" I sighed. I didn't want to give him the full break down at twelve-something in the morning.

"No, stop shutting me out. Talk, goddamn it," He said almost angrily, slamming down in the chair opposite me.

Surprised, I muttered, "I don't want to get too attached if this doesn't work out."

A ray of comprehension fell across his face, molding his features to a more thoughtful expression. "Why wouldn't this work out? I mean, I know we haven't had the best of starts, but hell, we've lived together for a few years and haven't killed each other yet. You're my best friend, Bella. We could do this. We could seriously make this work."

"Why wouldn't this work?" I repeated incredulously. I patted my tummy as an answer. Because we might have an Eddie Jr. on the way, that's why.

"Bella, I know you think it's murder, but if you were to just take _one _pill . . . ," He trailed off. "It's just stopping the process."

I glared. "Homicide."

"But –,"

"Goddamn it! It's a child, not a choice," I interrupted. "Yes, I know you think I'm wrong. Hell, I'm sure if you put almost anybody else in my shoes, they'd agree with you. But Edward . . . god, I can't do it. I just picture a little baby with your green eyes or maybe your hair . . . I just can't do it."

He suddenly looked directly into my eyes. "Bella, are you prepared to handle a kid?"

"Are you?" I shot back.

He hesitated. "I could be if I had to be. But I don't want to have to be. I want to have a kid when I want to have a kid. At least after I'm married."

_So marry me, you idiot, _my brain thought errantly. I sighed because that was a very unlikely future indeed. And even if that future were absolutely assured, I bet the god I'd imagined before – the one at the laptop – wouldn't be willing to let me have Edward until we were dragged through all sorts of emotionally draining things, just for the fun of the drama. The laptop god needed to get a life that didn't include torturing me.

"Edward, can we just drop this topic for now? We don't even know if I'm pregnant yet."

"But if you are, we need to have a plan, Bella."

"_Edward," _I almost yelled before stopping myself. "Please," came out as more of a whisper. I was all talked out. The possibility of a baby had been the center of my universe for almost twenty-four hours and I needed a fucking break from it. God, I'd settle for talking about the weather at this point.

We sat in uncomfortable silence at the kitchen table until Edward got up and went to the freezer. He withdrew a second carton of ice cream that was cleverly stashed behind the internal ice maker. "It's my secret stash. Want some?" He held it out to me and proffered a spoon from the drawer.

I looked down at the empty carton I'd consumed sadly and then nodded, grabbing my spoon as well for round two. He pulled his chair next to mine and we sat in the darkened kitchen, me naked and him mostly naked, though I wouldn't mind if he were to lose the boxers.

We reminisced, sharing Edward's secret stash of chocolate ice cream.

"Remember when we went skiing for my twelfth birthday party?" Edward laughed, swallowing a spoonful of ice cream. He passed the carton to me.

"Yes," I frowned. "And I had to go to the emergency room after my first try because I broke my ankle." _Ah, the fond memories of childhood, _I thought sarcastically. I'd barely even gotten the things attached to my feet when I went rolling backwards down a hill. I'd rolled over and over until my ski got caught in the ice and broke my ankle.

"God, that wasn't even the worst birthday," He snorted. "Don't forget my twenty-second birthday when you got drunk and passed out. You landed right on all the empty shot glasses. Seventeen stitches." His expression grew somber.

I passed him the ice cream and drew back the sleeve of my left arm. The area between my elbow and the back of my shoulder had a faint, thin scar from where I'd fallen. I still remembered all the blood raining on the broken glass.

"Have you _ever _had a birthday party where I didn't get hurt at least once in some small way?" I sighed.

He shook his head. "Not really. I would have stopped inviting you for fear of your safety, but I have yet to blow out my birthday candles without you by my side." He gave me a meaningful look.

I grew frustrated. "Edward, I've already told you this, but I'll say it again. I love you, ok? I love you. I have for a while now and it took _this,_" I pointed to my stomach. "To make me see it. I just . . . I just need to know how you feel before I get into this any further than I already have. I need to know this before we know if I'm pregnant. I want you to tell me this before you feel you _have _to because of a baby."

He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

I waited, staring him directly in the eyes.

"I-I . . . ," He began. _I love you. Christ, man, it's not that hard. You can form the vowels properly. _"I need more time," He sighed. Edward ran a hand through his hair.

My breath stopped.

"This is all happening too quickly, Bella. I was with Tanya for two years and I never said it."

My eyes welled up and I furiously tried to suppress the reaction. "You've been with me ten years."

"As _friends, _Bella. Friends. Friends don't say it to each other with _that_ connotation."

I blinked rapidly to keep from crying. "Sorry, you're right. I shouldn't have just sprung that on you," I muttered, handing him the chocolate ice cream and standing up. I suddenly couldn't be in the room anymore.

Fleeing the scene, I desperately tried to prop up my broken door as some form of privacy. I didn't want him to check up on me and find me bawling my eyes out. That wasn't fair to him. If he didn't love me, I wasn't going to force him. I had to be mature about this, despite my urge to bash him over the head repeatedly until he caved and said he loved me, too. The time for infantile temper tantrums had passed – mostly – and it was time for me to stop being an idiot, if not for my own sake, then for the sake of the little baby I might have growing inside me.

So instead of shouting at Edward and kicking him out of the apartment as I wanted to do because he didn't love me, I went to bed and muffled my tears with a pillow so he wouldn't hear me next door. Life really sucked sometimes.

********

**Before you go getting on my case about Edward being a prick -- which, yeah, he kind of is -- just remember that he only realized Bella is an actual WOMAN two days ago. Him loving her after two days is kind of a stretch.**

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!


	9. Chapter 9

**Ok, this is an extremely long chapter. You guys better appreciate it. ;D Bella and Edward are back to fighting which is pretty much why this chapter is long. It got out of control and I just couldn't cut this chapter off. Not a lot happens, but whatever.**

**IMPORTANT!!!  
****_Before I post chapter 11, I'm going to close the poll. I'd like you all to know that at this VERY MOMENT, the poll is completely tied. I can't do much of anything with a tie, so hurry up with the voting._**

**I own nothing.**

*

My alarm going off roused me from my sleep. I violently slapped the clock, sending it crashing to the floor. I smiled with vindictive satisfaction and curled back into bed. However, I encountered that I was being spooned. By Edward.

And he was hard.

I nearly fell out of bed. My eyes got wide and I stared at him, clad in nothing but black boxer shorts. I looked down at myself and groaned. I was still naked. This was most definitely not conducive to a good situation.

I tiptoed out of bed and nearly made it to the door when Edward's voice sounded behind me.

"Nice ass, Swan."

I whirled around to find him smirking at me sleepily. "I know it is," I said with a glare. "Would you mind informing me as to why you're in my bed?"

"I upset you last night and I was trying to make it up to you," He frowned, pushing back the bed covers.

"By cuddling?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course," He snorted to himself. "The one girl I have to work for and she doesn't fall for the cuddling shit!" He smacked his hand to his forehead.

I bit my lip to keep from telling him he wouldn't have to work as hard if he told me he loved me. "Well, I'm not most people," I shrugged, repeating his line from last night. "Will you kindly vacate the premises so that I may change?"

"Bella, you do realize that you're naked right now, right? Why do I have to leave for you to change?"

I didn't want to tell him that I just wanted him to leave before he could woo me back into bed again. I needed some sort of defense around this man. Some way to harden my heart so it was immune to his heartbreak. Because every affectionate gesture he showed me was like salt on an already painful wound. It was just one more reminder that he was either after sex or he felt bound here by the possibility of pregnancy. He didn't love me. Keeping all that in mind, I didn't want to pressure him into this anymore than he already was. I was going to act indifferently around him. Or at least try my fucking best.

"Fine, whatever," I sighed, ducking over my underwear drawer and trying to decide what to wear. It was amazing how my decision was influence by the fact that Edward would know what I was wearing. I looked over my shoulder to see him craning his neck to try and see into the drawer full of lace and satin. (Yeah, I'm kind of a lingerie junkie.) "Edward, you're being a pervert."

"I'm just curious to see what my girlfriend is wearing to work," He winked.

I nearly choked on my own saliva. Abandoning the underwear drawer, I gawked at him. "Say what?"

"You heard me," He smirked.

"You're only doing this out of pity," I accused. "You don't need to feel bad for me, ok? It's fine that you don't care about me the same way. Just because I lov – well, just because we feel differently about each other isn't any reason for me to be your charity case. I don't want any fake emotion from you. Besides, I'm sure there are plenty of other guys out there. I mean, other fish in the sea, right? You know what? Fuck you, Cullen. You're not the center of my universe, ok? I don't need you!" I rambled, my mindless babble quickly escalating to a shouting match.

_Yeah, so much for indifference._

Edward looked like he'd gotten slapped across the face. "Christ, is this what I get for trying to get closer to you?"

"You're doing it out of guilt and pity," I growled.

"Even if I am, why are you pushing me away? You can't raise a baby on your own, Bella. This our mistake and we'll do this together."

My jaw clenched together. There were so many things I was willing to contradict in that sentence. The fuck with him. I could take care of a baby. I'd taken Home Ec. I passed the parenting unit with flying colors. And what right did he have to call the baby a mistake? Babies could be the best thing that ever happened to a person. Hell, a baby might even do me good. Someone to care for that would love and depend on me without question. I'd have a piece of Edward with me that wasn't an asshole.

Edward must have seen the error of his statement due to the fury of my expression, because he withdrew by taking a step back. "Um, I mean, not that you can't raise a baby on your own, Bella. I'm sure you can. You just shouldn't have to."

"So are you admitting that it's just out of guilt? You can't do this shit to me, Edward! What happens if we become a couple or something just because you feel some sort of responsibility to the baby? Then what? What if I'm not even pregnant and we have this relationship based on your fake feelings? I'll be the one getting hurt in that scenario, Edward, and I can't put up with that."

_Yup, you keep up the work on that indifference. You're doing great._

"Get out of my room so I can dress for work," I ordered him, pointing towards the door that was propped against the frame.

When he left resignedly, I changed quickly, gulped down piping hot coffee, grabbed my keys, and was out of the apartment before Edward even got done changing. Being with him was awkward enough without the added bonus of a tension-filled carpooling.

*

The first thing that happened when I stepped out from the stairwell – I wasn't chancing that damn elevator again – was Alice attacking me in a flurry of arms and hugs. I stumbled backwards. "What the hell, Alice?" I demanded, trying to pry her tiny body off of me.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me, Bella!" She exclaimed, her bright eyes pulling into the puppy expression. "Friends tell their friends this stuff!"

"Alice, what are you talking about?"

She didn't answer my question. "I already booked you an appointment to have a blood test taken so we'll know for sure, but I still can't believe you didn't tell me! At least _Edward _is a good friend."

I seized her shoulders, dread filling my system. "Alice, talk. What did Edward tell you?"

"The baby, of course. I mean, I knew you had sex with him, but you didn't tell me you didn't use protection. Oh, Bella, how are you coping? Are you hormonal yet?"

I carefully retracted my fingers from Alice's shoulders so I didn't hurt her as I clenched my fists. Edward. Told. Her.

And if Edward told Alice, that mean that Alice told –

"Hey, Bella," Emmett greeted me. He stooped really low and placed his hand on my belly. "Hi, baby," He cooed to my stomach.

I swatted his hand violently, murderously glaring at the both of them. "Alice, you told him?!"

"Emmett is your friend, too!" She said indignantly.

"That's what you said last time," I growled. "Christ, you two gossip like school girls. It's pathetic," I spat, storming to the Edward's office and grabbing the spare key from the door eave and unlocking it. He and I were going to be having a talk in which I shouted and he cowered for his life.

I sat down in his chair and kicked my feet up on the desk, waiting and letting out the occasional string of profanity as my anger got the best of me. I waited for all five minutes before Edward entered, looking confused as to why his office was opened until he saw me lounging in his swiveling office chair.

"Why, hello, Edward," I said in a sugary sweet voice. "So nice of you to drop by this morning. I was wondering if perhaps we could have a little chat."

He sensed he was in trouble. I could see the gears turning in his mind.

"I was wondering if you'd like to discuss with me the fact," my voice lost its sweetness and turned predatory "that Alice knows about the fact that I might be _pregnant?!" _I practically screeched the last word.

Edward cringed. "Calm down, Bella," He said in a firm voice, displaying his palms to me as if he was innocent. As if. "She's a friend and she cares about you. She had the right to know what was going on."

I stared at him, my right eye twitching in anger. "It may be her right to know what's going on, but it's _my _right on who and when and how and what to tell. This is _my _body, Edward."

"Your body, our child," He stated.

I groaned in frustration. "Therein lays the inherent problem. We don't even know if there _is _a child, so you can't go telling people I might be pregnant when you don't even know yourself. There is no call for all that unwanted attention."

He sighed. "We can't shut out our friends, Bella."

"I'm not saying we should. I'd just like to be informed next time you feel the urge to show a complete disregard for my privacy," I snapped.

He rolled his eyes at me and crossed to the other side of his desk. "Leave. I have work to do," He grunted, flapping his hands.

"No, Edward. Give me your word that you're not going to tell anymore people."

He looked guilty for a second before agreeing.

Oh, god. That couldn't be good. "Whoa, whoa, back up. Was Alice the only one you told?"

"I might have possibly told my parents," He said mumbled.

I froze in place. Oh shit. Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck.

"Ok, I'm going to leave your office now because I'm about to blow up and you'd probably be harmed if I stayed," I said in an eerily calm voice. Slowly, I stood and floated to the door. I just about had it opened when it happened. I let out a war cry and ran back at Edward, slapping his face with all the strength I could muster.

"You bastard! You complete asshole! What have you done?!" I shrieked, swatting some part of his body with each word.

"They were going to find out anyway!" He shouted back, seizing my wrists in an attempt to keep me from hitting him. Of course, with my arms disabled, I turned to kicking his shins.

"No they weren't!" I screamed. "We don't even know yet! How could you tell people?!"

Edward desperately tried to restrain my legs as well, which ultimately sent me falling towards the floor with a thud. "Bella, when you asked to move to a different branch of the company, you went through my father to do that. Of course he questioned me. What was I supposed to tell him?"

I stopped yelling at him due to the logic of it. Why hadn't I thought of that? My god, I was insane. I swear, pre-getting caught masturbating, I was a fairly sane person. Now I freaked out so easily. God, I felt bipolar. I'm sure Edward thought I was bipolar, too. "You could have lied," I muttered quietly, coming down my rage-induced high.

He shook his head. "I can't lie to my parents about something like this."

"What exactly did you tell them?" I said through gritted teeth.

"That you might be pregnant."

Well, at least he said _might be. _Alice and Emmett seemed to be convinced already. I let out a sigh. "Ugh, fine. So now your parents think I'm a slut; Emmett violates my personal space by rubbing my stomach; and Alice is probably picking out the crib by now. Great." I sighed and picked myself up from the floor, brushing my ass to ascertain that I had avoided getting any dirt on me.

"Bella," Edward said softly. "Please calm down. Stop lashing out for just ten minutes and let me talk."

"Fine," I snapped, crossing my arms and staring at him beadily. "Talk."

"Look, if you're pregnant, then I'll be there for you, ok? Child support, babysitting, attending the soccer games, whatever you need. And just so you know, I wasn't acting before. I'm not being fake with you." He let out a large breath and glanced at my face, looking for a reaction.

I wasn't sure what do to. I didn't know how to react anymore. I was touched that he was being supportive about this as opposed to telling me to get rid of it.

He suddenly stood and grasped my waist, pulling me flush against his body when I didn't reply. Edward breathed in my ear, "Bella, this is real. Baby or not, I'm still going to want to kiss you and feel you and make love to you."

I relaxed into his embrace against my better judgment and raked my fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry," I sighed.

He looked confused. "Why?"

"For everything," I mumbled into his chest. "I'm an awful person. I don't know what I want anymore. Well, I do, but none of my actions show it. I want you, but I tried to make you leave the apartment. I want you to show me your real feelings and here I am, pressuring you into a relationship with me when you don't really want one."

"You didn't pressure me. You just want someone to go through this with you." _Way to go, Edward. So you're saying that no, I didn't pressure you, but I'm correct in assuming that you don't want this relationship? Ugh._

I didn't answer because he was missing the point, deciding to focus on his easy breathing instead. In that moment, I had exactly what I wanted. I had Edward holding me and caring for me. But I still felt the need to push him away because I didn't trust him yet. With a child hanging over our heads, I was unable to rid myself of suspicion that he was only doing this out of obligation.

"I think we're better off as friends," I informed him slowly. We could stay friends and care for the baby, but I couldn't do a relationship with Edward.

I felt his body tense.

I craned my neck to look up at him. "And if you suggest friends with benefits one more time, I'm going to hurt you."

"I . . . I don't know if I can be just friends with you anymore," He admitted, his hands slowly reaching down to my ass to prove his point.

Maneuvering out of his grip, I begged, "Edward, please. Just . . . just don't fight me on this, ok? If we're a couple, we'll break up because you don't love me and I'm a crazy, bipolar bitch most of the time. We can't break up if we're friends. We have to have _some _sort of solidarity for a baby."

He looked to be on the verge of speaking, but I pressed my hand to his mouth to keep him from changing my mind with his all too persuasive ways. I was doing something for the sake of the baby as opposed to my own selfishness for once.

Edward's eyes smoldered as I held him silent. "Foo cahh eiffert," He said through my hand, struggling to pull it away. He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out, licking my palm in that really immature trick.

Disgusted, I drew it away and hurriedly wiped it on my shirt.

"Bella, you can't be just friends with me any better than I can be just friends with you," Edward growled.

I raised an eyebrow. "I did it for ten years, why not now?"

"Isabella," He said irritably.

"Just because you can't go two days without sex doesn't mean we're all a bunch of sex addicts," I continued.

"I am _not _a sex addict," He argued, peeved. "I'm just . . . just . . . my god, you're so bipolar!"

Yes, that was true. But that didn't mean I couldn't be offended. "Like I said, Edward, we're better off friends. We'll end up at each other's throats if we continue like this."

"You confuse me so much," He frowned. "Christ, first you love me and the next you say we should just be friends."

"I love you enough to say we should just be friends," I corrected. "If I didn't love you, I'd force you into fatherhood and marriage and all that shit. I'm just doing what's best," I sighed. Giving my palm one more wipe across my pants to get rid of Edward's saliva, I left his office.

Edward caught my wrist and I was filled with overwhelming déjà vu, remembering the last time he'd done that and we wound up sleeping together.

His mouth was pressing down on mine before I could break free, though I struggled against him. Suppressing every single gut reaction I had in response to Edward's lips, I held my hand aloft and balled it into a fist. My hand shot forward and Edward stumbled back, gasping in pain and clutching his face. Oh shit, I hadn't really meant to punch him!

"Just friends," I muttered breathlessly. I almost ran out of his office, leaving the door ajar with every intention of running to the staff lunchroom and getting him some ice. But I was stopped by a large blockade of people crowding the doorway.

All of them looked guilty and I realized rather quickly that they'd been listening in. Fuck! It shouldn't have surprised me. I hadn't exactly been quiet when I was yelling. No wonder people had stopped to listen. Alice and Emmett were at the front of the crowd, looking even guiltier than the rest.

"You guys are such assholes," I informed them, sweeping past the crowd and scooping some ice into a dish towel. I returned only to find Edward admonishing the lot of them and telling them to get back to work rather crossly.

His eye was swelling already and I grimaced at the sight of it.

Tentatively, I offered up the ice to him. "Um, sorry, Edward." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw we still had an audience, all carefully studying us from their desks.

"No problem, _friend," _He said sarcastically, emphasizing the last word. Edward accepted the small towel full of ice cubes and pressed it to the left side of his face.

"I _told _you that we're better off as friends," I muttered, stalking off to my cubicle and pretending to work, though I probably photocopied the wrong stuff and mailed a load of shit to the wrong people. At one point, I just barely kept myself from putting my accidentally photo-copied grocery list into Jessica Stanley's inbox. Let's just say it wouldn't have been pretty if she saw that I had written down _condoms._

I was staring blankly at my computer screen, lost in thought, when Alice slid into my cubicle next to me. Startled at her appearance, I jumped before scowling at the little pixie eavesdropper.

Her face crumpled when she saw my expression. "I'm really sorry, Bella," She whispered pleadingly. "You were screaming in there and my curiosity got the best of me."

I snorted at her excuse. "The least you could have done was knock on the door or something to let me know that half the floor was listening in on the fact that I'm screwing the boss. Well, that I _used to _screw the boss," I revised.

She frowned apologetically. "Well, I know you're mad at me, but I wanted to let you know that if you need a place to stay, my apartment is always free. Also, your appointment is in a week. They'll take a blood test and we'll find out for sure if you're pregnant or not."

Even if it was a little bit overbearing of her to book my own appointment, I was in dire need of one, so I overlooked that fact. Sighing, I pulled her into a hug. "Thank you, Alice."

"You're welcome," She smiled. Her eyes suddenly got huge. "Oh, wait! I almost forgot!" She exclaimed. Alice leapt to her own cubicle and retrieved a small box from her desk. It was wrapped with a pink bow on top and everything. She handed it to me.

I looked at it questioningly. She knew I hated presents.

"I bought this for you last week, but I forgot with all the drama that's been going on. If you and Edward are on 'just friends' mode, then I figure you'll need this."

My curiosity piqued, I surrendered and unwrapped the tacky pink wrapping and was greeted with a cardboard box. Lifting the lid, I reached in, my hand encountering something cylindrical. I pulled it out and tried to shove it back in again almost the second I realized what it was.

"Alice, what the hell?" I demanded.

"You might need it," She shrugged, dancing back to her cubicle.

I stared back down at the box in horror. She'd gotten me a fucking dildo. Great. Just great.

From across the room, I saw Emmett wink at me and I realized that he was probably in on the whole present thing.

I flipped him off and stuffed the box into a drawer in my desk, blushing profusely. Could this day get any worse?

My phone rang.

"You've reached the Cullen Corporation. My name is Bella. How may I help you?" I answered the phone mechanically.

"Bella, it's Carlisle. I'd like to have a word with you in my office."

Yes. Yes, the day _could _get worse apparently.

****

***Insert dramatic interlude here***

**Please bear with me. They have a lot of issues and I'm trying to address them all. All in good time, folks. All in good time.**

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	10. Chapter 10

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********

"Oh, fuck!" I said out loud. And when I say loud, I mean that everybody within fifty feet turned to look at me. Cringing, I realized that Carlisle had most definitely heard that, too. "Sorry," I mumbled. "Um, I take it that I'm being overly optimistic if I were to assume that this meeting was strictly business?" I asked in a higher-pitched voice than normal.

"Yes, you are," Carlisle said calmly. "I've asked Edward to come up as well. I'll see you shortly." The phone clicked on the other end, signifying that he'd hung up.

Even as I hung my phone back up – struggling because my hand was shaking – I saw Edward leave his office. He stopped at my cubicle, waiting for me. I couldn't help but stare. It had only been a few hours, but Christ, his face was bruised. The swelling had gone down a lot, but the color was grotesque. My stomach clenched guiltily at the sight.

Unsteadily, I stood up from my chair and walked with him to the elevator, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye every few seconds to stare at the bruise. Edward clicked the "UP" button and the doors slid open smoothly, the damn elevator music assaulting my ears. A blush crept across my cheeks. I still remembered what happened last time we'd been in an elevator together.

Edward looked uncomfortable as well. He limited himself to the very corner of the elevator and kept his eyes downward, absently rubbing his fingers over his bruised skin and wincing.

I frowned at how stilted the air was. This wasn't what I'd intended. I just wanted to be friends with him. I loved him, but I could channel that into friendship. It was too risky to be anything else with Edward. I wasn't sure how to put it into words, but suddenly I had to try to give a better explanation as to why I just wanted friendship.

"Edward," I said quietly, making him look up. "We have to just be friends because what I need right now, more than anything in this moment, is someone to support me through this. Someone who will give me child support, babysitting, and who will attend the soccer games," I repeated. "We can do that as friends. If we try and go into this as lovers . . . we're just not ready for that. We can't have a baby together as a couple because we'll end up resenting each other and we'll break up. That's not stability. If it turns out I'm not pregnant . . . well, then we can work on whatever this is that we have. But for now, just friends, ok?" I looked at him pleadingly, begging him to understand my point of view. This was perhaps the one time I'd been completely clear with him about what I wanted and needed.

Just then, we reached our floor before Edward could respond. He sighed, mumbled something I couldn't make out, and motioned for me to walk ahead of him to Carlisle's office. Although my feet turned to lead, I continued down the straight path towards the double doors that led to his office. I checked over my shoulder to make sure Edward was still walking since he moved so silently, and I found him staring at my ass.

He looked up and frowned at being caught.

"Just friends," I reminded him, walking slower so that we were side by side.

"I told you. Being just friends now is a bit of a stretch for me. Now that I've seen you naked . . . well, my feeble male psyche can't recover from that," He smirked at me and then winced because it hurt the bruised side of his face.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Cullen?" I asked, using the line from 'The Graduate'.

"Is it working?" He shot back.

"Just friends," I said through clenched teeth, reaching for the handle of the door and pulling it open without bothering to knock. Carlisle knew we were coming.

I was expecting Carlisle, looking grim and perhaps ready to tell me to pack my things up because I was fired. Instead, I found Carlisle _and _Esme, both beaming at me like they'd won the lottery. _They're happy about a baby, _I realized with a grimace. "Oh, fuck," I muttered, trying to back out of the office immediately. Edward grabbed my wrist and rolled his eyes, closing the door behind me. Bastard.

"Edward, what happened to your eye?" Esme cried, shooting forward to examine his face in all of her maternal prowess.

I tried – unsuccessfully – to back out of the room again.

"Bella punched me," He answered with a shrug, taking a seat in the chair opposite Carlisle's desk.

I shot him a glare. Did he have to be so . . . damn _truthful?_

"Bella?" Esme asked me concernedly. "Is that true?"

I nodded with a grim satisfaction. He shouldn't have kissed me when I was trying to set up boundary lines. "Yes, it is. And I refuse to apologize for that because A) I already have and B) he deserved it."

Esme rounded back on Edward. "What did you do?"

I gave him a look so severe that he had the intelligence to answer, "Nothing. We just got into an argument because Bella's really hormonal right now."

My jaw dropped. What the fuck? Yeah, it was probably true since I had been way more pissed off than normal lately, but did he have to say it right in front of his parents? I mean, really. That was completely uncalled for. "Edward Cullen, take that the fuck back, right now," I growled.

Both Esme and Carlisle shuddered at the word 'fuck'. They really didn't do well when faced with profanity.

"Bella, language," Esme reprimanded mildly.

I didn't pay attention because I was caught in the middle of a staring match with Edward. "Were you always this much of a bastard when we were friends or did I just fail to notice it?" I hissed.

"Were you always this much of a bitch?" He retorted angrily.

I glowered at him, but Esme and Carlisle's voices overlapped as they simultaneously told Edward off.

"Bella, Edward," Carlisle said in a ringing voice, drawing our attention away from the verbal bashing we both wanted to engage in. "We brought you here because Esme and I would to talk to you. But you two can't get along, then –," I cut him off.

"We're fine," I interrupted. "What did you want to talk about?"

"The baby," Esme said in a voice that leaked happiness. I was half-expecting rainbows to appear. She was glowing. You'd think she was the one with the bun in the oven.

"I'm going to stop you right there, Esme," I grimaced. "First of all, we don't even know if there _is _a baby yet."

She frowned. "Yes, I know. But I'm really hoping for one. I know that you two aren't married, but a grandchild would be wonderful!"

I sighed. Leave it up to Esme to be overjoyed about this.

"I'm just wondering, though. How exactly did you two get together?" She asked me curiously.

That question alone made me blush. I sent Edward a look that told him if he tried to answer this question with the truth, I was going to give him a matching black eye.

However, the look wasn't caught by Edward because he was contemplating what answer to give and wasn't facing my direction.

"Well, it all started when I came home from Tanya's apartment a little earlier than usual and I found Bella –,"

I cut him off hurriedly, jumping out of my seat and slapping a hand over his mouth. It was probably quite a spectacle, but there were some things that parents really didn't need to know . . . ever. I made sure he was looking at me this time. The look I sent him couldn't have been clearer.

_Edward Cullen, you may have impregnated me, but if you finish that sentence there's not a chance in hell that you're going to be able to reproduce again._

After just a moment with my hands clamped over his face, I released him and sat back down as if nothing had happened, brushing off invisibly lint from my pant legs. Edward remained quiet while Carlisle and Esme stared back and forth between the two of us. I remained with a completely innocent expression even as my cheeks flamed.

"Would you mind explaining what just happened?" Carlisle asked in a slightly worn voice.

"Yes, yes, I would," I answered truthfully, going back to picking lint off of my shirt. "So what else did you want to talk about?"

Esme immediately started in. "We just wanted to tell you that we're here for you, both financially and otherwise. If you need any help with the baby, just give us a call, ok? Carlisle and I are so excited to have a grandchild, even if it's not in the best of circumstances." Her eyes swept between the two of us. "Also, I'm wondering when you want the wedding to happen. Obviously, we need to do it quickly before you start to show."

I choked in surprise, my eyes going huge. "W-we're not getting," _cough, cough, cough, _"married, Esme."

"What?" She asked as if she couldn't comprehend.

Edward spoke up. "We're just friends, Mom," He said grudgingly, though I was probably the only one that could hear that.

"But . . . but . . . the baby needs . . . you two to be . . . oh my goodness!" She stumbled over her words.

"Esme, if I really am pregnant, then Edward and I are going to raise the baby together as friends. We've both agreed that nothing good would come out of forcing ourselves into a relationship, let alone matrimony."

"I wasn't aware that I agreed to that," Edward muttered darkly before sighing. "Bella's right, though."

I nodded in appreciation. I wasn't going to be bullied into a marriage that I was sixty-two percent sure wouldn't work.

"But you love him!" Esme said desperately.

My eyes flicked to Edward who had the good grace to be mortified.

"Mom, please stop talking," He begged.

"Ugh, I can't believe you, Edward," I hissed irritably. "Do you have any sense of privacy?"

"Yes, but my mother is bad with confidentiality."

Rolling my eyes, I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms and legs. "Don't blame Esme. You're the one that goes blabbing every detail of our private life."

"Well, I think I have the right if it truly is _our _private life."

"I could cut you out of _my _private life really quickly if you keep on insisting that we don't _have _a private life," I threatened, suddenly standing. I turned towards Esme and Carlisle. "Well, this was great fun, but I've filled my quotient for being humiliated and pissed off for the day, so I think I'm just going to leave."

I barged out of the office, muttering angrily to myself as I repeatedly clicked the "DOWN" button. Unfortunately, the elevator was taking its sweet time in arriving at the top floor and Edward had caught up to me. Stubbornly ignoring him, I crossed my arms and tapped my foot impatiently, keeping my eyes trained solely on the unopened elevator doors, staring down my reflection.

Edward seemed to honor the fact that if he talked to me right then, I was going to inflict physical damage. Well, _more _physical damage. My eyes found his face for a moment to look over his purple bruise. I quickly looked away when I realized he was watching me as well.

I watched the little screen overhead that told us what floor we were on. As I was watching, the green number flickered and it went blank. The elevator lurched to a standstill.

"Oh, for the love of all that's holy!" I said angrily. "Not again."

Edward and I both looked at each other simultaneously and neither of us broke the contact.

"Fuck," He swore almost inaudibly, his eyes darkening. I knew that look.

_Just friends. We're just friends. Just friends. _I chanted that repeatedly in my head, hoping it would discourage me from any impulsive actions. Slowly, I backed up as much as I could in the small space allotted to us by the elevator.

I felt both heat and chills at the same time from just looking at him. Heat because anything below my waistline was on fire and chills because my tits suddenly felt the need to say hello to Edward. While my brain knew without a doubt that falling into bed with him again – or rather, frolicking in the elevator – was an extremely bad idea, my body strongly disagreed.

"Bella," Edward practically moaned.

"Shit, no. Don't do that," I ordered, distressed.

He carded a hand through his hair. "We can't be just friends, Bella. I want you."

My breath came faster and I closed my eyes, hoping that perhaps I could make this situation disappear. In any case, it didn't work. When I opened my eyes, Edward was standing right in front of me. Shit.

_Fuck yes, _my body said.

_Hell no, _my mind said.

"Edward, I can't do this with you."

He sighed. "You're asking me for the impossible. You want a guarantee of a perfect relationship. I can't give you that."

"There's no such thing as a perfect relationship. I know that. I just need . . . ," I let my sentence trail off. I needed to stop pressuring him, that's what I needed. _I just need you to love me. _God, it sounded awful, even in my head. Pathetic and clingy and clichéd.

"What do you need, Bella?" Edward prompted.

"I need my space right now," I lied. As a matter of fact, I'd love it if I didn't have space, if Edward smothered me with his presence. But again, I needed to stop pressuring him to act the way I wanted.

Sighing again, he tousled his hair and took a step back, his eyes still following me. "You still want to have sex with me," He stated. "I can tell."

Snorting, I rolled my eyes and shifted on my feet. "Yeah, because you can read minds," I sarcastically countered.

"Well, not yours. That's for sure. You confuse me like nobody I've ever met."

I nodded. That sounded about right. Hell, I confused myself. "What do you think made the elevator stop this time?" I asked randomly, hoping to turn the topic of conversation away from my insatiable sex drive for Edward.

He shrugged. "Not sure. A squirrel could have gotten in the electrical system and detached one of the cables."

I cringed at the picture of little critters running amok around the inner-workings of the building, somehow determined to put me in the worst situations possible.

We lapsed into a silence that lasted nearly ten minutes before the elevator started up again. I gave a silent, fervent 'thank you' to whoever had fixed the elevator. We made it to the fourth floor with no further disruptions. By the time the doors opened, I was practically sprinting through them. Work was over anyway, so nobody was there to see me run. Well, except Edward of course. And a swift glance over my shoulder told me that he was indeed watching me run. Or rather, watching my ass as I ran.

Rolling my eyes, I returned to my cubicle and grabbed my coat and keys. I paused a moment. _Well, what the hell, I'm probably going to need it, _I thought, shrugging and grabbing the cardboard box that held the dildo. Of course, just as I was tucking it under my arm in what I hoped was a secretive manner, Edward brushed past.

"Bella, what is that?" He asked at the conspicuously rectangular outline of my coat.

I shook my head. "Nothing. It's nothing. I'll see you at home, ok?" Ducking my head, I made my way towards the parking lot, nervously fidgeting. Christ, I was never going to carry a dildo on my person again. Every time someone looked at me I flinched, thinking they somehow knew.

Edward caught up with me halfway to my truck and he walked with me. "It feels so weird not to be driving you," He admitted.

I glanced at his bruised face out of the corner of my eye. "It's weird not being driven," I conceded. "What do you want for dinner tonight? I was thinking about making a stop at the grocery store."

Edward's face contorted and he shook his head profusely. "No. _I'm _making dinner tonight. What do _you _want?"

"Can you even cook?" I snorted, confused by his change in demeanor.

"Of course I can fucking cook," He said fiercely. "See, I don't just want you around for the food. I'm making the food tonight."

Comprehension dawned on me. He was trying to prove a point. "Ok, friend," I said casually, purposefully implementing the term of endearment to remind both him and myself of the boundaries. "How about we start out with spaghetti? That's easy to make."

He scoffed. "Just because I never cook doesn't mean I can't. Fuck it. I'm making your favorite tonight."

I raised my eyebrows. The Grandma-Sofia-Swan recipe for lasagna. To make it properly, you had to make your own noodles from scratch and your own tomato sauce. My grandma had never been one for shortcuts. But holy shit, it was worth it. "Are you serious?"

"You made Beef Wellington. I'll make lasagna. Although, I guess to be perfectly even, I'd have to seduce you," He murmured in my ear as we walked, smirking.

Chills crawled over my skin. "You're more than welcome to attempt to make lasagna. But the second you try to seduce me, I'm kicking you out of the apartment."

"What if I told you that food was a part of the seduction?" He asked silkily.

I glared, turning for my car while he headed to the Volvo. "I'd start fasting," I called over my shoulder. His musical laughter was the last thing I heard before I slammed my car door closed.

****  
**So we have Edward who is desperate to be more than friends and a Bella who is working to keep it that way. **

**When we get to 700 reviews, you get to find out if Bella is having a baby or not! It will be announced in chapter 12!**

**EVERYONE GOT THAT? 700 TO FIND OUT THE RESULTS OF THE BLOOD TEST!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Remember, 700 reviews gets you a pregnancy test result.**

**That's all I have to say. :) **

**(And as a reviewer pointed out, my review quotients ARE annoying. Yes, they are. I, however, like to think of them as annoying, yet effective.)**

**I own nothing.**

The drive from work to the apartment mainly consisted of me staring at the cardboard box in my front seat every few seconds and almost causing several car crashes because of it. I was surprised I didn't get a ticket. But then again, my dad was police chief. The people were probably trained to have a blind spot for my car in particular. There were perks to being a cop's daughter.

I arrived home to an empty apartment because Edward had run to the grocery store. That left me some time to check out my new toy. With a devious grin, I clutched the cardboard box tighter and fled to the bathroom. Not my first choice on my list of places to seek pleasure, but I'd learned from experience that the couch was a bad idea and my door was busted, not allowing for much privacy.

I settled for taking a shower as my cover and bringing the toy with me, just in case Edward got home earlier than I expected. But if he truly was going to go all lover boy on me tonight, then it was probably best I worked out my sexual frustrations beforehand.

Dildo in hand, I started the water and waited naked, repeatedly checking the water. I was a tad jumpy. My nerves were frazzled due to many factors, Edward being the center of them. God, I didn't know what to do with him. He made me angry and sad and ecstatic and horny and furious and happy. What do you do with that kind of person?

_Let them fuck you, _the animalistic side of my brain responded.

_Hold them at arm's length, _my logical side argued.

Great, first I hear voices in my head. What's next? Schizophrenia? Mental institution, here I come.

After checking the water once more, I slipped into the stream and relaxed almost immediately. I figured I'd get the showering necessities out of the way first. You know, shampoo, conditioner, shaving my legs and arm pits on the off chance that I gave into Edward. After I got all that out of the way, I snaked my arm around the shower curtain and seized the dildo that I had left on top of my pile of clothes.

Although Alice had chosen the rather unfortunate color of magenta, it was extremely long and thick, making me almost worried that I'd injure myself on it. _Hell, you fit Edward inside you and he was bigger than this thing._ But, it would be just my luck to end up sprawled out in the bathtub and have Edward find me.

"_What happened, Bella? Are you ok?"_

_"It was the dick, Edward. The dildo did it."_

Snorting at my perpetually perverse thoughts, I gently brushed the tip of the rubber phallus around my nipples to make them hard before plunging downwards with it. I nudged my clit with it accidentally and I nearly jumped. I was in greater need of this than I'd thought. Cautiously, I lifted my foot so that it was balanced on the edge of the tub. The cold porcelain as well as the fact that my leg was now out of the way of the warm water gave me goose bumps.

I pressed the pink dildo against my clit more urgently, moaning lightly. The sound reverberated around the shower tiles oddly. "Ah!" I gasped when I slid it inside of my wet passage. "Oh, shit." Changing my position, I faced away from the spraying water and braced my palm flat against the cream-colored tiles of the wall. Gently, I worked the toy past just the head, grunting as my muscles contracted.

In an attempt to keep from verbalizing every sensation I felt, I bit my lip. Of course, I nearly chewed it off when I pushed the dildo in to the max. "Holy fuck," I breathed. I pumped the dick faster and faster until my hand was a blur between my legs.

The hand I had propped against the wall clenched into a fist and I doubled over. I let out a loud moan as I came. "Sweet baby Jesus," I screamed, my eyes closing. My whole body was tingling and everything felt different. I hadn't realized what a change it would be to have an orgasm whilst standing as opposed to lying down.

There was a loud knock on the bathroom door and my head jerked upwards."Bella, are you ok?" Edward's voice asked me. "You were screaming."

I groaned and blushed. What the hell? Couldn't a girl even masturbate on her own without getting disrupted anymore? Christ. "For the love of all that's holy, please go away," I replied back in a whimper of frustration.

"Are you all right?" He repeated. "I heard screaming."

"It was the good kind, Edward. Now leave me the fuck alone," I said grumpily, shutting off the water and wrapping a towel under my arms. I gathered my bundle of clothes and the dildo – god forbid I leave that behind for Edward to find later – and prepared to walk out the door.

"Bella, what the hell do you mean 'the good kind'?" He asked confusedly.

I unlocked the door and swung it open, taking in the sight of Edward leaning against the doorframe wearing a black apron I'd never seen before. _Ok, I'm totally picturing food sex now. Great._ He seemed to be absorbing the sight of me in a towel with wide eyes.

I grabbed the pink dildo from my pile of clothes and waved it in front of his face. "Does this answer your question?" I scoffed, brushing past him. As I walked, little water droplets rained from my hair and down the back of my calves. When I shoved my door out of the way – broken piece of crap it was – I thought that I distinctly heard Edward mutter, "Just friends, my ass" as he turned for the kitchen.

When I was through changing into sweat pants and a tank top for my pajamas, I exited my room to find that Edward had even gone so far as to put yellow caution tape across the kitchen doorway, effectively blocking the way.

"What the fuck is this?" I asked, leaning over the tape to peer into the kitchen where Edward appeared to be sorting out ingredients from his grocery bags.

He looked over his shoulder at me and gave a stern look before turning back to his work. He spoke to the tomatoes he was chopping. "I am cooking dinner for _you, _not the other way around. I don't even want you in the kitchen trying to help. Capisce?"

God, I loved when he spoke Italian. "You're being ridiculous. I get that you're trying to prove a point, but we've moved past that. We're onto more pressing problems now," I said, gesturing at my stomach even though he wasn't looking at me, too consumed with his tomatoes.

"You don't trust me anymore," He stated, not leaving room for argument. "I'm going to fix that. And the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach . . . or her pussy," He added, turning towards me to smirk.

"Sexist," I muttered.

"Did you just call me sexy?" Edward asked, laughing.

"You wish," I replied, heading back to the beloved couch. I clicked on the TV, only to discover that it was still on the pornographic channel from the last time I'd had it on. And ironically enough, the same porn movie I'd been watching last time was on. Twilight, I think it was called. Some weird name like that. You know, the one with the Edward look alike. I watched the now-familiar movie for a few moments before calling out to Edward unthinkingly. "Edward, is it just me, or does this guy on TV look like you?" I yelled to the kitchen.

He ducked under the caution tape to see what I was watching. It took him all of two seconds to realize that I was watching porn. Edward's eyes got huge and he stared at the screen for a moment before flicking his eyes to me. It was pretty much the same expression he'd worn when he caught me masturbating and I had to say, when I wasn't actually getting caught, his expression was pretty damn penny. If only I had a camera . . .

"Bella, what the fuck are you watching?"

I shrugged. "This was the first thing that came on when I turned the TV on. I think the vampire guy looks like you."

He blinked at me for a moment, hesitated, and then plopped down on the couch, watching it alongside me. When the vampire guy came on, Edward snorted. "Oh, please. I'm much better looking," He scoffed smugly, combing a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, you're much more modest, too," I said sarcastically, watching nonchalantly as the vampire banged the shit out of the human girl.

It got extremely silent and I suddenly realized how far this crossed over the line of friendship. Normal friends didn't sit out on the couch and watch porn together. Despite my earlier release, I shifted my thighs uncomfortably in the hopes of relieving some pressure. No such luck. I glanced at Edward and saw that his eyes were no longer trained on the screen either. He was subtly leaning closer to my face.

A timer went off in the kitchen and the spell was broken.

"Shit," He muttered quietly, backing away from the couch and stalking towards the kitchen.

I quickly changed the channel and shook my head at my stupidity. Fuck. I had no chance of being just friends with Edward. The whole 'friends with benefits' offer was getting more appealing by the second. Clenching my legs together stubbornly, I proceeded to try and follow the plot lines to a random soap opera I'd turned on. If I thought my life was dramatic, it was nothing compared to those people.

An hour or two later, Edward announced proudly that the lasagna was done. He discarded the caution tape and welcomed me into the kitchen. Cringing, I followed inside, expecting a disaster area because Edward wasn't exactly known for his cleanliness. But instead, I found it just as spotless as it usually was. I just prayed to god he'd put everything back in the right drawer. It could take me weeks to sort it back out.

"It smells heavenly in here, Edward," I informed him with a smile, inhaling deeply. My mouth watered and I subtly wiped the corner of my lips to make sure I hadn't drooled. Lasagna was . . . holy crap, it was the best thing in the world. I was Italian and I loved that shit.

"It damn well better. Your grandma Sofia was a tad anal retentive about her instructions. My god, the woman analyzed her food like a mathematician. I had to get the thickness of each layer just right." Edward paused a moment to dramatically wipe the invisible sweat from his forehead.

"That's why I don't make this very often," I frowned in agreement, sitting down at the table to find plates and silverware already set out. He _really _was trying to prove his point.

"Well, we'll see how my first attempt turned out." Using oven mitts, he set a large pan of completely appetizing lasagna in front of me.

"Wow, this looks fantastic," I complimented. I tried not to be so surprised, but I couldn't help it. In the ten years I'd been friends with Edward, I had never known he could cook.

"Try some of it already," He said anxiously, peering at me closely for my reaction.

Laughing because I knew the feeling, I cut myself a small portion – alright, fine, a _heaping _portion – and grabbed my fork. From the moment the first bite entered my mouth, I don't think I had stopped moaning. I was reaching for more before I knew what hit me.

Edward was vibrating with silent laughter as he ate his own slice, watching me intently the entire time.

If it was physically possible, I would have had sex with that lasagna. It was so fucking delicious in every way, shape, and form.

"Bella," Edward said, drawing my attention to him and away from my food bliss. "I know you want to be just friends, but if you keep moaning like that, it's just not going to happen," He warned me in a tight voice.

Blushing, I tentatively took another bite. "Sorry. But this is frigging superb. I think I'm going to start making you cook more often."

"Oh, goodie," He said with rousing enthusiasm . . . pfft, not.

After forcing down one more square of delectable goodness, I felt bloated and sluggish. I wanted to go take a nap.

"Well, this is supposed to be the part where I seduce you, but quite frankly, you look like you're going to pass out any second."

I nodded in agreement, standing up from my chair. "Want help cleaning up?" I offered.

He shook it off. "No, I've got this. Go to bed."

Thankfully, I started to trundle off to bed, but I stopped, turning back to kitchen where Edward was hand washing the plates. _He's so sexy when he's being domestic. _"Um, Edward?" I said.

"Yeah?" He replied, craning his neck to look at me.

"If I were to . . . to, you know, wake up in the morning and I, um, found you cuddling with me again, I mean, you know, as friends . . . well, that, um, wouldn't be the worst thing that ever happened," I said shyly, blushing and rushing to bed before I could spend too much time taking into account his hopeful expression.

*

I was woken up by my bed springs creaking and the feel of a warm body curling around mine. I smiled gently and sighed, snuggling into Edward and dozing back off.

I wasn't sure where we stood. I was deluding myself if I thought that this was purely platonic cuddling, but I couldn't handle it being anything else at that moment. I just needed to know if I was pregnant first and then I could answer all of these other questions.

****

**The next chapter is going to be the doctor's appointment for the blood test.**

**Hurry up and vote and review, ok?**

**Thank you!**

**MsSailorman**


	12. Chapter 12

**I already know that you ALL are going to be angry at me for this chapter. You're going to want to buy me a cute puppy and let me get attached, only to run it over later just for the vindictive satisfaction. This isn't going to be pretty.**

**On a more pleasant note . . . as a tribute to my friend, "XxMiaZeBookwormxX", I have created a character for her in here. If you pay attention to her pen name, then you'll know who the character is and the little joke I put in there.**

I woke up to the sound of Edward's voice. "Well, hello there my exceedingly friendly friend," He chuckled.

I became aware enough of reality to realize that I was lying directly on top on Edward, our chests touching, among other parts. Quite frankly, my hoo-hah was in direct contact with his morning wood. And I might or might not have been dry humping him in my sleep.

Mortified, I rolled off of him too quickly, toppling to the floor in the process. A violent thump and a blunt pain told me that I had hit my head on the wood flooring. "Fuck," I cursed, clutching the back of my head and rolling around on the ground.

Edward's snicker of amusement made me stop.

I glared up at him. "This is why I don't fucking cuddle," I snapped, attempting to stand, but sinking back to my knees in the end due to my wooziness.

"This," Edward replied, gesturing to the tented front of his boxers. "Is why _I _don't cuddle."

I laughed. "Well, don't look at me to help you with that. Go beat one off in the shower. In the meantime, I have to get dressed."

Edward gaped at my blatantly sexual comments for a moment before dazedly making his way out of my room.

And thus began work.

*

The following six days went something like this:

_Wake up alone since I had failed to offer my bed up to Edward again considering how I'd woken up last time, longing to have another 'cuddle session'._

_Take shower, occasionally bringing the pink dildo with me depending on how many times I'd hit the snooze alarm._

_Get dressed._

_Have large amount of coffee._

_Drive to work with Edward._

_Try not to look at Edward too much during the drive._

_Carry on the façade of working, even though my actions were robotic. (Carlisle had stopped the process of moving me from Edward's branch of the company when he found out I might be carrying his grandchild.)_

_Make small talk with Alice and Emmett._

_Roll eyes a lot due to Emmett's tendency to touch my stomach for good luck._

_Ignore suspicious glances from fellow co-workers who overheard my blow up at Edward._

_Have lunch at desk._

_Pretend to do more work._

_Wait for Edward to finish whatever he's doing._

_Drive home with Edward._

_Try not to look at Edward too much._

_Get home._

_Have dinner._

_Joke around with Edward until the atmosphere got too sexually charged._

_Go to bed, once more without Edward._

_Repeat._

I had absolutely no fucking idea what was going on around me. I just was focused on the ever nearing trip to the doctor's office. Constantly, I caught myself rubbing my flat stomach absently, or wringing my hands.

I was a jittery nervous wreck when the day finally did arrive. I was leaving for the appointment right after work. Edward knew where I was going and what for, but he hadn't asked to go along, even though I kind of wanted him to. I'd also declined both Alice and Emmett's offers to come along. I really wanted to do this either by myself, or with Edward. And since he hadn't asked to go along, I was going solo.

*

I gazed around at the waiting room for what felt like the billionth time. The fabric lining the uncomfortable, scratchy chairs was a horrific blend of abstract colors. The walls were pale and the magazines on the side tables were all about pregnancy.

_Ten Ways to be a Good Parent_

_Pregnancy: A Guide_

_What to Expect Out of Pregnancy_

_Home Decorating: Nurseries._

I'd stopped browsing through to the fourth magazine. I was too nervous. I'd tried reading one and my hands were shaking too badly to focus on the tiny print.

A woman who looked to be in her late thirties with a huge pregnant belly smiled up at me from her book. When I returned the smile shyly, she took that as a cue to come and sit next to me.

"Nervous, sweetie?" She asked kindly, patting my hand and putting a bookmark in her novel.

I nodded. "That transparent?" I asked.

"Probably not," She said casually, leaning back and stroking her bloated stomach. "I just know the look. That's what I looked like when I was having my first baby. Wasn't married at the time. My parents kicked me out of the house," She said this almost fondly and I subconsciously shifted away from her in my seat. "I mean, everything's fine now. I have a great husband. This is my fifth," She said proudly, rubbing her stomach even more enthusiastically than before for emphasis.

"Wow," I said softly. I was only freaked out about one and this woman already had four of them running around. "I'm not sure if I'm pregnant," I admitted. "That's why I'm here."

She smiled soothingly. "Well, judging from the fact that you're shaking like a leaf, it's either freezing in here or I'd guess you don't want a baby."

I frowned at her analysis. "Yes and no. I'm not married and the father is . . . well, I don't know what to think of him. I told him I love him. He didn't say it back, but it's like he's trying to win my heart as if he hasn't done it already. I told him I wanted to just be friends and he goes and cooks my favorite meal." I sighed and realized how odd it was of me to be admitting this to a completely stranger. But she was so personable.

"Yup, you've got yourself a real puzzler. I was lucky. My husband is straightforward. It doesn't even occur to him to lie to me, I swear. Even when it gets him in trouble." The strange, pregnant lady smiled fondly and turned to me. "So, what is your name?"

"I'm Bella," I replied. "You?"

"Mia. It's a pleasure to meet you. I hope everything works out for you the way you want it." She smiled and turned back to her book.

I smiled even as I snorted internally. I had no idea what I wanted. After a few more jittery moments of silence, I couldn't keep myself from making more conversation simply because I needed a distraction. "What book are you reading?" I asked in a shaky voice. I couldn't read the spine from my vantage point and she didn't have a book cover to it.

Startled, she looked at the book, then me, and back at the book again. "Oh, this thing. I swear, I've read it over a dozen times, but I just love it so much. I'm such a bookworm," She admitted, although it more like a proud statement than anything else. "It's called _Midnight Sun._ It's about this vampire who falls in love with a human girl," She said rather excitedly.

My brain immediately went reeling back to the Twilight porno I'd been witness to. I suddenly knew I wouldn't be able to look at vampires in quite the same way ever again. "That sounds interesting," I said distractedly.

Mia turned back to her book.

"Isabella Cullen," a nurse called.

I cringed and immediately knew who was responsible for the last name. Alice had booked this appointment and she told them my last name was Cullen. I was going to be having a work with her later.

"Best of luck, Bella," Mia said sweetly.

I attempted a smile and followed the nurse to the examination rooms. She told me a doctor would be with me shortly to draw blood. Why she couldn't do that herself was beyond me, but I consigned myself to waiting on the cot with paper laid across it to prevent spreading of germs.

Every. Single. Fucking. Movement. Crackled.

Considering how fidgety I was, I quickly decided to abandon the cot and sit in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the small room. I waited for twenty exhaustively long minutes before the doctor made a showing.

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen. I'm Dr. Marcus Volturi." His appearance was well put together and his hair was completely white, not a single gray strand. He shook my hand and glanced down at the chart. "It looks like I'll be doing some blood tests today, eh?" He smiled.

For some reason, the guy just made me feel weird. His presence made me uneasy. Probably because I knew that _he'd _be the one to deliver the news as to how the course of my life would pan out. "Yes, a pregnancy test," I concurred.

"It's very simple. We'll just need to draw a small amount of blood and the test will take about twenty minutes to process."

I nodded, already offering up my arm, just wanting all this drama over with.

After taking a few minutes to plunge the needle into one of my veins, Dr. Volturi drew a small syringe full of blood and injected it into a vial, disappearing out the door with a creepy smile to take it to the lab to be analyzed.

I reclined back in my seat and closed my eyes, waiting. Although, I unintentionally fell asleep, something I found quite extraordinary considering how edgy I was.

_"Oh, great. What happened to the elevator now?" I asked Edward as it once again stopped. My eyes darted to him and I saw him retracting his hand from the "Emergency Stop" button. "What the hell?" I demanded._

_He moved closer, pinning me against the elevator wall, making the handle dig into my lower back. "How else was I supposed to get you alone?" He whispered in my ear, unbuttoning his suit and throwing the jacket over the security camera. "See, now we're all alone. We're going to need a way to pass the time."_

_I swallowed, my hands tracing down his chest, all the way to his belt buckle. I stared into his eyes. "I can think of a way," I breathed in his ear with a smoldering gaze._

"Mrs. Cullen!" A voice startled me out of my sleep. "Mrs. Cullen, wake up!"

I opened my eyes to see Dr. Volturi standing over me, much too close for comfort. I was sprawled awkwardly across the small chair and I straightened up to try and maintain my dignity. Thank god he woke me up _early _in the dream. Otherwise, I would have been moaning like I was in heat.

"Mrs. Cullen, your test results came back," He informed me with his creepy smile.

I sat forward in my seat, biting my lip.

"It would appear to be that you're . . ."

********

***Ducks for cover***

**Um, hey, guys . . . so, listen, about the whole cliffhanger thingy . . . DEAR GOD, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!**

**I could have helped myself . . . but I didn't. ;D**

**Actually, I couldn't finish writing this chapter because A) There aren't 700 reviews yet and B) THE POLL IS FREAKING TIED!**

**If you have not voted yet, shame on you. Get your sorry butt to my profile and change the future!**


	13. Chapter 13

**JEEZ!!! My goodness! I leave this site for a few hours and my review box exploded. I realize that a ton of you hate me right now. I apologize. I've decided to scrap the review quotient because it's annoying both you guys AND me.**

**I own nothing.**

**Oh, I don't want to hear a word of complaint if you don't like the test results. I'm just doing what the poll came out as.**

"It would appear to be that you're not pregnant," Dr. Volturi informed me. "The test came back negative."

I would have loved to have had a video camera to capture my expression. My immediate reaction was immense relief. "Oh, thank god!" I cried, standing, even going so far as to hug the creepy doctor. I didn't wait for him to say anything else, tearing straight through the lobby. I beamed at Mia and she smiled back before I practically skipped and pirouetted to my car. I couldn't wait to tell Edward.

Hopping into my truck and squealing happily, I started the car up and tried not to get too trigger happy with the gas pedal. Randomly emitting high-pitched squeaks, I barreled through traffic over the speed limit. Oh god, everything was going to be ok. Edward and I could take things slowly and morph into a couple. We'd be ok.

Nearly running up the stairs when I got home, I burst into the apartment with a gigantic grin on my face.

But that changed rather abruptly.

Because Tanya was straddling Edward on the couch, running her hands through his hair and they were making out. They both turned at the sound of the door swinging opened and Edward's eyes had never been wider. He practically shoved Tanya off of him, horrified that he'd been caught.

I gawked for a moment, trying to make sense of it. He was . . . cheating on me."You jackass!" I shouted to Edward. I locked my eyes on Tanya and gave her quite possibly the fiercest glare I'd ever given somebody before. "Edward, get your shit out of my apartment and take your damn ho with you!" I yelled, slamming the door behind me.

I stomped down the stairs and wasn't altogether surprised when I heard the door open and close again, Edward running after me. I walked faster.

"Bella, stop! That wasn't what it looked like at all."

I did stop. I turned to glower at him. His eyes and expression were earnest and pleading, but I couldn't overlook the fact that his tie had been loosened, his pants were unzipped, his hair was an utter mess, and he had cherry red lipstick marks all over his face and neck and even on the bruised skin of his eyes. "No, it's fine," I sneered. "Your timing is perfect. I mean, I'm sure that you don't even care since you've moved on to better things, but I'm not pregnant."

He opened his mouth to reply but I cut him off.

"See? It's perfect. You're not tied down to me anymore. Go off and fuck Tanya now. I wouldn't want to hold you back. I mean, after all, I don't mean anything to you, right?" Without waiting for a response, I swiveled around and began marching down the stairs again.

"Bella, goddamn it! Listen to me!" He shouted, the sound reverberating in the stairwell.

My foot paused on the steps and I turned yet again.

"She showed up at the apartment, ok? I didn't invite her over. She wanted to get back together. I tried to tell her politely that I'd found someone else." He gave me a long stare. "And she practically attacked me. When you came in I was trying to get her off of me."

I took a step closer to him and inspected the lipstick marks. I started counting each one out loud. "Edward, she managed to kiss you eighteen times from what I tell. How the fuck did she do that?"

"She's really fast," He said weakly.

I snorted at his explanation. "Well, that's just great. Although, while you're in your little land of denial, I'm going to be waiting to kick your ass in the land of reality."

"I'm telling you the truth!" Edward yelled again, angrily. He pushed me against the wall and captured his mouth with mine.

Struggling angrily, I landed a kick to his shins, but he held me tighter still, every part of him pressed against me. His lips worked against mine, trying to coax some sort of reaction out of me that didn't involve violence.

Feeling his lean, muscled body against mine, desperate to convince me . . . I just broke. My rage dissolved, leaving only tears behind. I start sobbing against his mouth, clutching to his chest and hair like I thought he'd fly away. It was masochism. Edward hurt me so much, yet I'd still crawl through glass shards just to be close to him.

Edward gently removed his mouth from mine and looked at me for a long time.

I cried some more. "I love you so much and I hate you for it."

"I'm telling you the truth, Bella," He repeated, sighing quietly.

I gave a broken, bitter scoff. The fact that he had this sickening control over me was enough to scare the shit out of me. I shouldn't have to walk home to the sight of him with another woman. I just couldn't do that. And whether intentional or not, Edward hurt me. "Go away," I whispered to him. "Please."

"I'm not going to leave you in the stairwell," He said intensely, looking rather broken himself.

Good, I hoped he felt as shitty as I did. And at the same time, it made me feel even worse to know that he was suffering as well. "I'm going to call Alice. I'm staying with her. Now, leave," I ordered hoarsely.

Tanya appeared at the top of the stairs. "Eddie, what's going on? I was waiting for you."

"Tanya, get the fuck out of this apartment building," He growled at her.

She went through a series of dramatic expressions and I rolled my teary eyes at her theatrics. "The door is _that _way, skank," I informed her, pointing down the stairs.

She gave the both of us a rude hand gesture and stomped out.

I sighed, one more tears oozing out of my eye.

"Please don't try and contact me. I'll . . . I'll talk to you when I'm ready," I mumbled, guiding him backwards so that I wasn't pinned against the wall anymore. Stumbling down the stairs, I got back in my truck, almost laughing at how drastically your mood can change in five minutes. Before I was singing show tunes and then I was trying to hold in my tears.

Thank you so fucking much, Edward Cullen.

********

**Bet you all hate me again, don't you?**

**Well, I had to do something or else this story really had nowhere to go. With no pregancy, I had to add something in. This is what I came up with.**

**Cheers!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi, everybody. Sorry, I know I haven't updated in a while. Four days, to be exact. I know that I usually update at least once or even twice a day, but sadly, my winter break is over and the monotony of school has begun. Due to the fact that I'm involved in a million extracirriculars, the updates are going to be about once every week from now on, if that. Sorry, but it's unavoidable. I was lucky to even get this chapter up. Much love, MsSailorman.**

**I own nothing.**

I slipped my phone out of my pocket and dialed in Alice's number as I drove.

"Bella?" She asked.

"Um, yeah," I muttered, sniffling. "I need a place to stay for a while. You, uh . . . you said I could crash on the couch, right?"

"Of course," She said immediately. Then her voice got low. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, I'm not. I-I . . . I'm just . . . there was an incident . . . Edward, he . . . Christ, I'll explain it when I get there, ok?" Not giving her a chance to respond, I snapped my cell phone shut and continued the drive.

Alice was waiting for me outside the apartment, huddled in her jacket. She was jumping in place, drawing several stares from the common passerby.

Doing a quick check in the mirror, I saw that I looked horrendous and it was atrociously evident that I had been crying, my skin splotched with hectic patches of red and my eyes puffy. Running my fingers under my eyes to catch any stray tears, I bravely squared my shoulders to face Alice's interrogation.

Of course, I'd barely stepped onto the sidewalk when she pulled me into a tight hug that nearly shattered my ribcage. "Can't breathe," I choked out, gasping for air.

"Deal with it. I don't have to be gentle anymore now that I know you're not pregnant," She grinned half-heartedly, taking in my tear-stained face. "Bella, what happened? I didn't know you wanted a baby that bad."

I shook my head. "I didn't. I don't. I'm glad I'm not pregnant. I'm not ready to take care of a baby on top of the crock of bullshit that I'm dealing with right now. I realize that now."

She nodded as if she understood perfectly. "What did Edward do this time?" I took a moment to gape at her. Christ, maybe she _did _understand perfectly.

Just hearing his name made me tear up again. "Can we do this inside?" I muttered feebly, hating myself for being so damn susceptible to the hurt that Edward was dishing out like it was ice cream.

"Oh, yeah! Sorry, I forgot where we were for a second there." She pulled me up to her apartment with her and disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, reappearing with a steaming mug of hot chocolate. "You sounded like you needed some of this after that phone call so I put some on the stove."

I gratefully accepted the scalding beverage, sipping it once and nearly burning my tongue off. I set it down on the coffee table to cool, scraping my tongue repeatedly against my teeth as if that would help recover my singed taste buds. "Thanks, Alice."

"You're quite welcome, Bella," She smiled. "So what _did _he do?"

I sighed. "He didn't _technically _do anything wrong. I mean, _I _was the one to say that we should just be friends. But he was so insistent about being more than that. Friends with benefits, I guess. I never actually thought that he'd be driven to get his sexual urges satisfied elsewhere. But then again, I guess I should have seen it coming," I rambled. "He _is _a sex addict so I should have known that if I didn't have sex with him, someone else was going to."

Alice's mouth was gaping opened. "Who was it?"

"Tanya," I spat. "His _ex_-girlfriend. He told me they broke up." A sudden thought occurred to me and I groaned. "Shit. He was probably screwing the both of us the entire time. God damn it!" At that moment, I was extremely thankful I wasn't holding the cup of hot chocolate because I most likely would have spilled it everywhere at that realization.

Alice patted my hand. "Edward wouldn't do that," She assured me. "Even he wouldn't sink that low."

"Really? Because I don't think that you can sink much lower than the position I found him in. I walked in the apartment to tell him that I wasn't pregnant and I found him on the couch with Tanya, making out. There was lipstick _everywhere, _Alice," I groaned, flopping backwards until I was pressed into the couch cushions and staring at the white ceiling.

Alice was suddenly pacing back and forth in the living room. More like stalking. "That _bastard!_ Please tell me that you're kicking him out."

I frowned. "Well, I told him to leave, but I doubt he listened. He didn't last time."

"Give me your cell phone," She ordered, holding out her hand imperiously.

Confusedly, I offered it up, watching as she dialed in a number. I knew who it was even before she put it on speaker phone.

"Bella?" Edward's voice projected loudly through my phone.

"No, it's Alice," She growled. "Would you mind explaining to me why I have Bella in my apartment, sobbing her heart out?"

Fucker, I wasn't even crying anymore . . . well, fine, maybe a little. But not much.

Edward paused on the end and I wondered if he'd try to lie. "Alice, let me talk to Bella."

She flicked her eyes to me and I shook my head profusely. Talking to Edward wasn't something I could handle at that moment.

"Bella's in the shower right now," She lied smoothly.

"Don't lie. I can hear her breathing. And I'm on speaker phone unless I'm mistaken. There's an echo. Bella, please talk to me," He begged.

I remained silent, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Edward, stop. She doesn't want to talk to you right now. Actually the reason I called is to tell you to move out of the apartment. You're rich enough. Buy your own fucking apartment. You're an asshole and you don't deserve to even breathe the same air that Bella breathes, let alone share an apartment," Alice hissed at him.

"I know," He sighed. That confession alone quashed any hope I had left that he had been telling the truth. He wouldn't think he was unworthy of me if he hadn't actually been cheating. "Bella, may I please hear it from you? Is that what you want? Do you want me to leave?"

_No. Not at all. I never want you to leave me. _"Yes," I said quietly, sniffling once. The wound he'd given me wasn't going to heal if I didn't have time away from him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

"All right," He breathed, his voice cracking. "I'll, um, make arrangements."

I nodded even though he couldn't see.

There was a pause. "Bella, are you really not pregnant? Or were you just saying that?"

I took a deep breath. "No, I'm not pregnant."

Edward sighed – in relief, I think. "Thank you for telling me. I'll, uh, see you at work then."

I was . . . disappointed when I heard dial tone. I think I wanted him to continue to assure me that he hadn't been about to have sex with Tanya. Maybe if he told me enough I'd believe him. Maybe.

"My god, how did you fall in love with that asshole?" Alice asked bluntly.

I leaned back on the couch and neglected to answer her, though I sensed it was rhetorical. I truly didn't have an answer. It was easier to love him when we were friends, though. That much I knew. But then again, at every turn of our excursion into romance, something went wrong. We'd never really had a fighting chance anyway.

"Bella, I'm going to run to the grocery store quickly. Do you need anything or do you need me to stay with you?"

Embarrassed that she felt the need to ask like I was a three year old, I shook my head and watched her shrug and leave. I sighed to myself, kicking my feet over the edge of the couch and reclining backwards.

I could choose to forgive Edward because he didn't technically do anything wrong. The problem was that I didn't want to forgive him. Not yet at least. As childish as it was, I really wanted him to suffer for a while because even now, I felt a gaping hole in my chest where Edward had metaphorically ripped my heart out and stepped on it. I refused to allow him to do that to me without some form of retribution.

And just like that, I snapped out of my sadness and self-pity and transitioned seamlessly back into a blind rage. (God, I really was bipolar. I should get that shit tested.) I'd told the asshole that I loved him and then, while I'm getting tested for whether I was _having his fucking baby_, he's getting his funk on with Tanya. What kind of person did that? Even if I had insisted on being just friends, I knew he'd never accepted that. He'd wanted more and when I couldn't emotionally provide that for him, he got it somewhere else. Asshole.

And goddamn it, what the hell? Why had he just accepted that I wanted him to move out? He was supposed to fight for me, damn it. If I meant anything to him, then he needed to prove himself. Not just submit to my will. This shit didn't work like that. He was such a pain in the ass. An infuriating pain in the ass. Yes, it was a girly reaction, but Christ, wasn't it obvious? I loved the bastard. I wanted him to fight me on this.

Pondering the idea of what torture exactly I could inflict upon him, it occurred to me to taunt him with exactly the thing he'd hurt me with. Sex. I could strap on some sexy pants and waltz straight into that office and turn my attention elsewhere on the male population. It was what anyone did in a situation like this, right? They made the guy jealous and he crawled back to them on his knees. _Well, it's the best fucking plan I can come up with right now, so sexy pants it is._

By the time Alice got back from the grocery store, I had a mostly worked out the strategy. It involved the aforementioned sexy pants. Well, the proverbial sexy pants. It was the term I applied to any specific outfit that made you feel sexy. I was thinking more in terms of a skirt . . . a really short skirt.

"Bella, you're plotting something," Alice announced the second she opened the door, lugging four bags of groceries.

Immediately, I shot up to help her carry stuff to the kitchen. "Of course I am, Alice. What man has ever cheated on me that I haven't gotten back at?"

"But he didn't technically cheat on you," She pointed out, setting down the bags with a grunt. They were almost bigger than her. "You said so yourself."

"Traitor," I muttered under my breath. Hadn't she been the one to kick Edward out of the apartment? Why the fuck was she changing sides now?

"So what exactly does this plan entail?"

I smiled wickedly. "I figure if I wiggle my ass in front of him enough times while flirting with other guys, it would be effective," I shrugged.

Alice looked thoughtful as if she was a military general. A mini military general, that is. "Mm, I do believe you're right. A little unoriginal, but effective nonetheless," She agreed before pausing. "Bella, I agree he's a bastard, but Edward _is _my friend, too."

"Would you be willing to help if I said I needed a makeover?" I asked innocently.

She squealed. "Never mind. He's a dick. He's going down. Oh my god, we need to get you the perfect outfit!"

Rolling my eyes at how easily convinced she was, I leaned against her kitchen counter. "I'm thinking about a miniskirt and a blue shirt. He likes me in blue. He told me that once," I said randomly.

Alice gave me a look that I couldn't understand. "Of_ course_, a miniskirt," She drawled as if that was the most obvious thing ever.

"Who am I going to flirt with, though?" I asked, tapping my chin thoughtfully. I tabulated a quick mental list and shuddered.

Mike – a vile pervert.

Tyler – a foul smelling lanky guy.

Eric – an overly enthusiastic guy with bad skin.

None of my three bachelors sounded particularly appealing. Mike wasn't too bad looking, but you flirted with him once and the next thing you knew, he felt it was ok to practically molest you in the copy room. (Ok, whatever. I might have tested the waters one fucking time. That was all it took to see that he was definitely not someone I wanted to be around.) Tyler and Eric were both nice guys, but neither of them even operated near the same level of hotness that Edward carried with him. Being with them _after _Edward . . . it kind of made me nauseous to think about.

"Earth to Bella," Alice called, snapping her fingers in front of my face. "Did you hear me?"

I shook my head.

"You're going to flirt with Emmett, of course. You know, pretend, though. That way no one gets hurt. Well, except Edward, I mean. But he should be dragged through the mud right now," Alice smirked.

Nodding in agreement, I didn't have time to get another word out before Alice was tossing me into her bathroom, instructing me to use six different kinds of lotion and spread some sort of green, mucky mud mask on my face. _Looks like _I'm _the one that's getting dragged through the mud today, _I thought wryly, cringing as Alice dabbed the garish goo all over my face. It stung slightly, but Alice told me that was expected. I had no clue what the hell it was, but I wanted it off of me almost immediately.

After an exhaustive makeover lasting roughly four hours, it was nearly eleven at night. With my hair primped and set in curlers for overnight to be perfect in the morning and my chosen slutty outfit laid out, I was ready to face Edward tomorrow.

*******

**This is an official theme in my story. The whole "Make-Edward-Jealous-Until-He-Begs" thing. Sorry if it's not your cup of tea, but that's what I enjoy writing, so you're going to have to deal with it. My story, my rules. ;D**

**Please leave a review. Thanks.**


	15. Chapter 15

**I know this took a really long time, but I DID warn you guys. Therefore, I've made this chapter 6,000 words in length. Yeah, enjoy that. Please leave a review! They make me want to get my characters together faster!**

**I own nothing.**

********

"Alice, am I supposed to be able to fucking breathe?" I nearly gasped through the bathroom door, inching my boobs into place in a blue, corset-like top.

"Nope," She snickered. I could imagine her hunching over and rubbing her hands together evilly with that pixie smirk on her face. It gave me shivers. "Bella, hurry up!" Alice whined. "I want to _see _you!"

"Well, that's too damn bad. Wait until I'm decent," I replied in a huff, getting irritated now with the fabric. My chest was uncomfortably scrunched up.

"Decent?" She asked incredulously. "Bella, have you even _seen _what you're wearing?"

I rolled my eyes and didn't do her the favor of answering. The wrestling match between my breasts and my shirt was getting intensely uncomfortable. I considered just tearing the thing off and indulging in the luxury of a loose t-shirt.

With a final triumphant grunt, I glanced in the mirror and saw that I indeed had an even thinner figure than before and my chest looked fantastic. Of course, my hair was still up in curlers and I had a green tint to my skin from the damn mud mask that I couldn't wash off for another twenty minutes yet.

"You sound like you're having a war in there," Alice commented, right outside the door.

I opened it up to find Alice already dressed in her usual pencil skirt, heels, and bright colored top. Her mouth fell open at the sight of me. "I'm never wearing this stupid shirt again for as long as I live," I declared dramatically.

"Oh, yes you are," She argued immediately, charging into the bathroom to start on my hair and makeup. "You look _amazing!" _

I frowned and looked in the mirror again. "No, I look like a prostitute," I deadpanned.

"A very _expensive _prostitute," Alice said, in what I'm sure she thought was a compliment.

Breathing deeply in annoyance, I sat down and drifted in my memories blankly while she turned me into a "masterpiece".

Of course, my brain was stupid and therefore, I couldn't help but relive my memories of sex with Edward. I might have started drooling at some point.

*

My hands were clenched too tightly on the steering wheel. I'd probably been parked for nearly five minutes and I had yet to leave my car. I was going to look like a babbling idiot. I'd chicken out or Edward would tell me he only slept with me out of pity. God, I should have made Alice drive with me. She'd offered, but I opted for separate cars and I lost sight of her in traffic. Now she wasn't here to hype me up about this.

"Dear god, I can't do this," I muttered desperately to myself, managing to let go of the wheel. My eyes trailed from the windshield to my lap. My hands were visibly trembling. Unable to stand the visual confirmation of my nerves, I slid my palms under my thighs to keep them in check. My gaze travelled down again until I was staring down my own cleavage. It was odd to see my unusually impressive "cleavage crack". That's what Alice had called it. Quite frankly it sounded gross to me, but it was supposed to be appealing to men. To Edward, in specific.

My mind's eye conjured up the image of Tanya and her surgically enhanced bust line. Edward found that attractive somehow.

It was like someone snapped their fingers.

Edward and Tanya making out on the couch. Edward's surprised face at my arrival. His fly open. Red lipstick.

The picture came unbidden to the forefront of my mind.

I suddenly flung the car door open. I could do this. Edward had to pay. He was a jackass whom I intended to seduce into submission. I marched to the elevator determinedly, studiously ignoring the turning heads I received.

_Edward cheated. Edward cheated. Edward cheated. _It became the chant in my head that guided my actions. Almost violently, I jammed the "UP" button and waited impatiently for the doors to open.

Of course, when they did, a whole new set of problems were delivered to me. Not that I knew it at the time.

The elevator wasn't empty.

"Bella?" He asked, his head cocked to the side as he took in my new look.

Jacob Black. He worked on the fifth floor in accounting. We were friends/co-workers. Well, I can barely assign us the title of 'friends'. We hardly ever talk – or see each other, for that matter.

"Hi, Jake," I said confidently, still firmly set on my vengeance-fueled path.

Jake opened and closed his mouth for a moment. "You . . . you, um, look great. I mean, better than great. You, you look . . . ," He trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words.

I just smiled and said, "Thanks." All the while, I was surreptitiously trying to straighten my corset out for maximum comfort. Well, I actually wouldn't go so far as to call this _comfortable. _

Jake smiled as well, relieved that I accepted his babbling, I guess. He cleared his throat. "Um, I haven't talked to you in a while. I've been meaning to. I heard some nasty rumors."

My eyes got wide for a moment. Christ, these people had only heard about this a day or two ago and even Jake knew. What the hell had they been saying? "What did you hear?"I asked suspiciously, wondering if he heard about the pregnancy stuff.

He shrugged, uneasy at my interrogative shift of mood. "Not much. Just that you were sleeping with Edward Cullen or something." He said it casually, but I knew he had heard more.

I shook my head to try and dispel the gossip. "No, we're not sleeping together. That was misinterpreted," I lied easily. "Everything is just kind of awkward because we live together since we're best friends. Well, ex-best friends. Ex-roommates, too, actually," I added nonchalantly, as if I couldn't care less.

Jake raised his eyebrow for a moment before waving it off. "Does that mean you're looking for a roommate, then?" He asked hopefully. "Because I'm looking for an apartment. A new neighbor moved in and he's a drummer," Jake frowned. "I never get any sleep anymore so I need a new place. Are you willing?"

I got all flustered at the sight of his big, brown eyes, pleading with me to take him in like a puppy. "Oh," I replied brilliantly, the suggestion completely out of left field. "Um, I hadn't really thought about that. Edward isn't even physically moved out yet. I don't . . . I don't really _want _a _new _roommate just yet. Um, can I, uh, get back to you on that?" I asked, praying that he wasn't offended. Not that I didn't think he'd be a good roommate and all, but I wasn't ready to replace Edward so quickly.

Jake smiled. "Bella, calm down. It's ok. Just let me know. In the meantime, I'll keep on scouting out places. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that."

"It's fine," I muttered as the doors opened. That elevator ride, which in reality had been very short, felt like a year.

"Bye, Bella," He said calmly, waving at me.

I waved back and started to walk out. A quick glance over my shoulder told me that he was staring at my ass. Marvelous. Strangely enough, it gave me a confidence boost. Edward was going down.

"Hey, Bella?" He called, blocking the elevator door with his hand.

"Yeah, Jake?" I asked, turning all the way around.

"Want to have lunch together?"

Jake's face was too hopeful to shoot down. Besides, if plans with Edward went my way, he'd be reduced to a speechless, horny lump long before lunch. "Um, sure. One o'clock?"

He nodded, a huge grin breaking across his face. He let the doors close. "See you then," He called.

With a shrug, I turned and proceeded to strut towards my cubicle.

Excuse me, ladies. I have a man to seduce.

*

Edward commonly needed stuff to be copied during the day. That required him to leave the office and hand the papers to an administrative assistant. And wouldn't you know it, that's _my_ job. I just had to wait. And flirt with Emmett a lot.

As I sat down, my eyes flicked to the left and encountered Emmett's hulking form strolling towards me. I almost backed away when I saw his expression. It was always the same one he wore when he went woman-hunting. That smirk of self-assurance and his frame slightly tensed to make his arms look even more muscular. He looked like he could crush me, which he probably could.

"Hey, Bells," He boomed so that several heads turned to look at us. "You look hot today," He smirked, his tone surprised, but his expression telling me that he'd been expecting this.

I had to wonder what exactly Alice told him. It occurred to me that my version of flirting was smiling a lot, maybe some suggestive jokes, lots of fluttering eyelashes. Emmett's version of flirting was closer to intercourse. Shit.

"Hi, Emmett," I said, making an effort to look coy and smile flirtatiously. This was the practice round as far as I was concerned. It had to look real for Edward.

Emmett, not one to do things half-heartedly, scooped me up in a hug and one of his hands lowered down to grab my ass.

I squeaked indignantly and swatted him away. "Christ, save it for Edward," I growled, straightening out my skirt.

Emmett didn't seem to register my words. He looked stunned. "Bella, are you even wearing underwear?"

Disgruntled, I sat down in my chair to avoid further ass-grabbing Olympics. "Shut up, Emmett," I muttered, blushing. I swear, it had been Alice's idea completely. She'd even made me wax my . . . um, lady parts. I felt so bare and even worse than that was the fact that I kind of liked it. Knowing I wasn't wearing anything underneath my short skirt was kind of a turn on.

_Dear god, I'm a psycho._

Emmett's mouth hung open. "Holy shit, Bells. You . . . you shouldn't be . . . so _naked. _What if somebody sees?"

I rolled my eyes at his sudden change in attitude towards being a big brother. "I know you think of me as an innocent prude, but believe it or not, I _do _have sex," I said exasperatedly. _Just not much, _I mentally added.

"Well, you shouldn't," He frowned.

I could barely believe what I was hearing. This was coming from the man who'd told me to get laid numerous times when I was feeling crabby. This was from the man who'd hit on me himself. Emmett had tried to seduce me when we first met, but he quickly gave that up and settled for a gossipy older brother.

"What the fuck, Emmett? You're supposed to be helping me."

"Alice didn't tell me you were going to show up practically naked. It's too awkward." Of course he says that _after _he fondles me.

Groaning in frustration, I swiveled my chair back and forth irritably. "Did Alice even tell you why I'm doing this?"

He nodded and his voice dropped to a lower pitch. "I was already at work when she called me. I almost punched Edward in the face," Emmett admitted.

I nodded. "Then you know why this matter to me. Edward hurt me, Emmett. He _hurt _me. I just want revenge."

Emmett toed the ground for a moment before suddenly picking his head up and grinning. "Wait, I have a brilliant idea. Listen outside the door," He instructed, not giving another word before he charged into Edward's office.

Anxiously, I followed after, wondering what the hell he was up to.

"Emmett, knocking is common courtesy," Edward's tired voice said, lacking any conviction or real annoyance.

"Good thing I'm _un_common then," Emmett replied. I could picture his smirk.

"What do you want?" Edward snapped.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about Bella."

I frowned and clenched my hands. This couldn't be good.

Edward sounded tense. "What about her?"

"Well, I want to ask her out on a date and you know her better than I do. I was wondering if you could give me some advice?" Emmett posed it as a question.

I actually had to grin.

There was a long pause and I wondered – and hoped – Edward would tell him that I was his. "What do you want to know?" He sighed.

I made a barely perceptible sound of protest. Bastard. He was supposed to fucking fight for me! _No, shit. Stop thinking like that. You and Edward are over._

"What are her interests?" Emmett asked.

"She loves country music," Edward said.

My mouth fell open. Edward knew very well that I detested country music. He wanted Emmett to fail. I grinned and did a little happy dance, but quickly stopped when my dignity was threatened by my tiny skirt flying up. I pressed my ear against the laminated wooden door again.

"She loves Thai food as well," He continued. _Liar. _"And never ever cook for that woman. She hates it when people make food for her."

The little fucker.

"Thanks, Edward. That'll help. And no hard feelings or anything, right? I mean, I know you guys had a thing for a little bit, but she said that you were moving out or something. Bells said that you hated her."

"She did not!" Edward nearly shouted in disbelief before quieting down. "I don't hate her at all," He said so quietly I almost didn't hear.

"Well, that's good to know. Anyway, thanks for the tips," Emmett said cheerfully, bounding out of the office. He almost hit me in the face with the door. I backed out of sight quickly and gave Emmett a high-five when it was safe.

"You rock, Em," I grinned sincerely.

"I figure he won't be able to stay away from you for more than another hour," Emmett smiled. "My work here is done. Enjoy torturing him, Bells. I call dibs on punching him at least once when you're done with him."

"Be my guest," I muttered, shooting a glare at Edward's door. An image of him covered in lipstick marks came to me.

"See you later, Swan," Emmett chimed, scooting back to his cubicle.

I turned only to find Alice waiting right behind me, looking distinctly disheveled. "Where have you been? You missed all the excitement."

"You-would-not-_believe-_what-just-happened-to-me!" She said excitedly, her words almost incomprehensible.

Looking at her questioningly, I followed her back to her desk and motioned for her to continue.

"My car stopped on that little road on the way to work. You know, that one that nobody ever drives on because it weaves around too much?"

I nodded, knowing exactly the road she was talking about. It was extremely scenic and beautiful, but it took so much time to drive on when the highway was right next to it.

"Well, I took that road instead of the usual way and I got a flat tire. I have no idea how to change a spare," She frowned. "Anyway, the car behind me pulled over and out stepped this gorgeous, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, southern guy. The man was _perfect, _Bella. Perfect!"

I nodded, smiling. Alice was picky about her men. He must be truly handsome.

"There was this instant connection and we started talking while he changed the tire for me. His name is Jasper Whitlock and he grew up in Texas. And like I said, there's a connection. He kissed me and things got a little carried away. Let's just say that we christened the backseat of my Porsche," She said shyly, still bursting with happiness.

My jaw dropped. "What the hell? You had a quickie in the back of your car?"

She smirked. "I wouldn't exactly call it a _quickie. _Jasper has some major stamina."

I grimaced. "Ok, that was way more information than I wanted. But seriously, you can't just have sex with strangers in your car."

"Would you have preferred us to have sex in the woods, then?" She asked wryly.

"You know what I meant. I know I can't exactly talk about being stupid towards sex, but please don't do that again."

She smiled. "I promise not to. Besides, if things work out the way I want them, Jasper is going to be the only person I have sex with for the rest of my life."

I balked at the statement. "What?"

"I'm telling you now, Bella. I'm going to marry that man someday and we're going to have pretty, little, southern babies together." Her face was absolutely blissful as she looked at her blank computer screen dreamily. "And when you have kids with Edward, we can make play dates together."

I stared at her. "I'm not having kids with Edward," I growled.

Her eyes suddenly were fixed on me. "Of course you will. Why do you think I'm even helping you get revenge on him? This is so you guys stay together." Her tone alone added the _duh _part.

Utterly shocked and angry, I stalked back to my own desk. She was insane. Edward and I were never going to have kids together or even _be_ together. I was going to get my revenge on him and then move on, period. Hell, maybe I'll slash my own tire and meet someone like Alice did.

*

To my surprise, I was actually productive. I scheduled appointments, bought some office supplies, and managed to fend off Mike's constant flirting. I didn't care how desperately I wanted revenge; I refused to sink down so low as to flirt back with Mike Newton.

However, Edward made absolutely no appearances at all. He didn't leave his office once, but sometimes I was almost certain that I saw him peek through the blinds. But then again, maybe I was just being paranoid. I wished he _would _come out because it was making me anxious and slightly depressed that he didn't show. I figured that I wasn't going to see him at all.

I hadn't been paying attention when I felt someone standing behind me. Startled, I looked up to see none other than Jacob Black smiling at me and standing a little bit closer than I expected.

I didn't step back though. I just smiled. "Is it lunch time already?" I asked, looking around for a clock since I wasn't wearing my watch today.

"Yup, it's one o'clock. Do you want to go out to eat somewhere, or would you prefer to stay?" He asked kindly.

"Um, let's just stay here. I don't want to go through the trouble of driving. Besides, I already brought my lunch," I smiled again.

"Actually, I did, too," He admitted, smiling back. Christ, we smiled a lot. "Shall we?" He asked, offering up his arm like a gentleman.

I nodded. "Yup, let's go." I strung my arm through his and we strolled to the lunch room. It was a small room with tables and a little kitchenette. Grabbing my lunch out of the public fridge, I sat down with Jake.

I had scrounged for food in Alice's kitchen and had a poor showing as a consequence. Alice had so much fucking junk food that it was almost sickening. Not that I was some health nut, but I hadn't seen a single vegetable. I was almost tempted to go grocery shopping for her, just like she bought clothes for me, but I didn't want to be rude.

I had leftover pizza, a can of soda, a chocolate bar, and – the healthiest thing I found – a granola bar. "It's a long story, but I want you to know that I don't usually eat like this," I said in my defense.

Jake shrugged and smiled again. "You can eat whatever you want, Bella. I won't judge."

"Oh, good. That means you won't mind that I'm a cannibal on the weekends," I smirked.

Jake held out his hand for me. "No, I'm a non-judgmental party. Go ahead and bite me. See if I care."

I made a show of sniffing his fingers, thanking god that no one else was in the room. "Nah, you're not my type," I joked, hoping he might get the double meaning.

He did and looked serious. "What _is _your type then?"

_Edward._

Shit, bad brain. Edward and I were done. Stupid mistake. That's all it was.

"Eh, I don't like them so tall," I said sarcastically, eyeing him up and down. Even seated, he was tall. He was probably half a foot taller than Edward. _Stop thinking about Edward._

"I'll work on that," Jake snorted, taking a bite out of his sandwich. "So tell me about yourself. We've never really sat down to talk before."

I frowned when I realized I couldn't come up with one interesting fact about myself that didn't involve Edward. _Stop thinking about him! _"Um . . . ," I faltered. "I like to read?" I practically asked him even though it was something I should have been sure about.

"What genre?" Jake asked, seeming completely interested in my answer.

"Um, the classics. Austen, Shakespeare. You know, that kind of stuff."

He nodded. "You're not the usual girl, Bella."

"Is that a good thing?" I asked uncertainly.

Jake nodded emphatically. "Most definitely."

I smiled gently. "Well, thanks then."

There was a long silence in which I ate my food to make it feel less awkward. I had practically inhaled my pizza and was halfway through the granola bar when Jake spoke again.

"So I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime," He said, letting the sentence hang there.

I stopped mid-chew, swallowing my food harshly and letting out a sputtering cough because of it. After a few moments of my choking fit, I gathered the courage to look Jake in the eyes. _Oh god, the eyes. _They were huge and brown and reminded me of a puppy. And you can't turn down a puppy.

"Um, ok," I muttered quietly, wondering if I'd regret it later.

The resulting smile was so blinding that I thought I had acquired permanent retinal damage.

"When?" I asked.

"Does tomorrow after work sound good?"

I nodded. "Sure." Standing, I threw the remainder of my lunch away and found myself turned and pressed against the refrigerator.

"Thank you for saying yes," Jake murmured, his body in complete contact with mine.

I'll admit that even if it was unexpected and way too early, it was pleasant. He was warm and the heat soaked into me, giving me goose bumps. Maybe Edward _hadn't _ruined me for everybody else. Maybe I could still be a functioning member of society. My body was responding to Jake. I took that as a good sign. God knew it was a miracle considering how hard it was to compete with Edward.

Given that thought, I let it happen. I let Jake tilt his head down and inch his way closer, his lips slightly pushed out. I let him wrap his hands around my waist. I let him press his mouth to mine and let him explore my mouth with his tongue.

I stood there like a statue, not quite sure what to do. My hands crawled up his torso and neck until they were knotted in his cropped black hair. _Well, that's a start. _I worked on my tongue next, making it writhe against Jake's.

My body felt overheated as our mouths connected, my spine married to the refrigerator. Jake was a good kisser. Like, a _really _good kisser. For a brief, glimmering moment, Edward melted from my brain and it was just Jake and Bella there, making out like horny teenagers and having a damn good time doing it. Just as I began seeing little stars from lack of oxygen, we resurfaced for breath.

That's when I saw Edward frozen in the kitchen doorway.

_Red lipstick._

Maybe on more than instinct than anything else, I gripped Jake's hair harder. Even though it was obvious he was ready to break up the kiss, I yanked him forward and kissed him aggressively. _Take that, Edward. _

Jake, unaware of Edward's presence, pressed me against the fridge harder and took this as an opportunity to enthusiastically cup my packed-in-like-sardines breasts.

A growling noise erupted from the doorway and Jake quickly detached himself from me despite my attempt to cling onto him. "Oh, um, hey, Edward," He said uncomfortably, noticing the glare Edward was dishing out.

"Black," Edward acknowledged stiffly. "This is a business. Have sex with Bella on your own time, not during work," He bit out.

"We weren't having sex," Jake immediately responded, wanting to save his reputation. I almost grimaced. Edward looked like he was capable of murdering just about anyone right now.

"Good. Don't," Edward said shortly, already turning to leave again. He stopped. "Oh, and Black?"

"Yes?"

"If you hurt her for the short period of time that you're going to have her, I swear I will fuck you up," He said menacingly, not even bothering to turn back around as he delivered his threat.

_Do not grin, you idiot. Do not smile. You're not happy. Edward broke up a perfectly good kiss. That's it. Even if he did just fight for you back there, that's no reason to forget what he did._

_Red lipstick._

The image of his eighteen red rings of cherry colored lipstick was officially burned into my brain. I'd never look at red lipstick the same.

The door to the lunchroom closed after Edward and Jake and I stood there, unmoving and staring.

"Are you sure you didn't sleep with him?" Jake asked.

I frowned. "We had a thing together, but it's over now."

"That sure didn't seem over," He observed.

"Just drop it, ok?" I huffed, grabbing my lunchbox and marching out to my cubicle. The second I sat down, Edward made his reappearance.

"Bella," He barked, standing just outside his door. "Office, now."

I stared over my shoulder at him for a moment, my eyes narrowing. "Ask me politely," I challenged.

"Bella," He warned.

"The least you can fucking do is say please," I hissed at him, catching the attention of several other people.

"Please," He growled.

I gave a fake smile. "Well, that's good enough for me," I said, hopping up and following after him. And now I was going finish my plan. _Finish the plan and then get the hell out of here, Swan. The days of Cullen are over._

Softly shutting the door behind me, I watched as Edward lost his hard, angry shell and began to look tired. He sat down behind his desk and rubbed his face with his hand, sighing.

I crossed my arms. "What do you want?" I snapped.

"You," He promptly answered, as if the answer had been one he memorized.

I scoffed. "Funny way you have of showing it."

_Red lipstick._

His verdant green eyes flicked up to mine and I realized how utterly tired he looked. There were circles under his eyes and his skin was paler than usual. "I made a mistake, Bella. And I'm trying to fix it."

I tapped my chin if fake thoughtfulness. "Mm, let's see. I believe your first explanation when I caught you was that she was just a fast kisser. So why is it your fault _now?" _

"Because I'm done being an asshole and I want to tell you what really happened."

I figured that was my cue to begin the whole seduction thing. Slyly, I crossed behind Edward's desk and hopped on top of it directly in front of him. I kept my legs cinched tightly together, but reached my feet out and pulled Edward's chair closer. Leaning forward, I wound my fingers into his array of copper hair.

"Good. Start talking," I murmured, ghosting my fingertips down the side of his jaw and back up along his cheekbone.

Edward's eyes fluttered closed as he leaned into my touch. "I was at the apartment waiting for you to find out if there was a baby or not. Someone knocked and I just figured it was you. I opened it without thinking and Tanya was there. She brushed right past me and sat down on the couch."

He sighed and I grimaced, thinking about that damn couch.

"I knew why she was there. She wanted to get back together. She was really upset when I broke up with her. So I figured I'd try and calmly explain the situation to her. I sat down and she was on top of me." Edward paused for a moment and his eyes flicked open, meeting with mine. "She knows me, Bella. She knows what I like and what turns me on and exactly what to do to get me in the mood. And Christ almighty, did she do it," He groaned, his head sinking down ashamedly.

"I didn't think. I just knew what my body wanted and I followed it. Simple as that. But, Bella, I swear to you on my own life that I was about to push her off of me when you came in the door. I promise you that. I realized what I was doing and I was going to stop. I just didn't get the chance," He sighed.

My fingers numbly unbuttoned his shirt. I wasn't sure what to think. Edward was sugar-coating things. He could have sat down at that couch to tell her it was over just as easily as he could have sat down to have sex with her. How on Earth did the fucker manage to twist the story to make him seem innocent? In the end, he'd still given into temptation. Did the exact circumstances matter when there was the same end result?

"Bella, what are you doing?" He asked.

"Unbuttoning your shirt," I replied simply.

"Why?"

I stopped for a moment and looked him in the eyes, promptly sliding off the desk and into his lap. "Are you really going to ask questions when I'm about to have sex with you?" I snorted.

His eyes widened for a moment. "Does that mean I'm forgiven?"

I shook my head truthfully. "You're going to have to do a shitload of convincing me, Edward. You said your body wanted something and you followed it, right? I'm doing the same. Now, lock the door and take off your pants," I ordered.

I removed myself from his lap to watch him make sure all of the blinds were shut and then lock the door obediently.

"Crawl to me, Edward," I instructed.

He got to his hands and knees so quickly that I barely saw the motion.

_Holy shit, he looks good when he crawls._

I lifted my skirt and revealed my newly shaven skin and my lack of panties. Edward's eyes bugged out a bit.

"You shaved," He said in a wondrous voice.

Cringing, I shook my head. "No, I waxed." Alice had gone a little over the deep end with that.

Edward moaned and crawled closer until his face was nestled between my legs.

"Mm, good boy," I cooed, gripping his hair.

He tried to speak from between my legs and I quickly shushed him.

"No talking, Edward. You already told me your story. Now I want you to convince me." I spread my legs wider.

He took my invitation silently, the only sound pervading the air was the hungry lapping of his tongue.

"Oh, god," I said breathily, leaning back on his desk until I was completely flat across it, some papers wedged underneath me. "That's right. Convince me."

The tip of his tongue worked fast, tight circles around my clit, honing in on the bundle of nerves. My body shivered and arched and convulsed. He was entirely too talented at that. My fingers dug into his scalp greedily, my other hand cupping my breasts roughly through the tight fabric of my shirt.

"Bella," Edward whispered softly, kissing his way up to my hip bone and nipping it gently.

"Sit on your desk," I whispered back, regretfully leaving the heavenly devices of his mouth.

He knew what I wanted and unzipped his pants for me, pushing them around his ankles. Feeling possessed, I knelt in front of him, my fingertips dancing along the head of his erection.

Edward groaned. "Bella."

I shushed him again. We had to keep quiet anyway so the damn eavesdroppers outside wouldn't hear.

I darted my tongue out and circled the dick tantalizingly, giving a few pumps with my hand. "You lied to me, Edward," I told him, grazing the shaft with my teeth.

He shivered.

"You've lied to me, cheated on me, and hurt me."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I never intended to."

I rubbed almost viciously. "But you did."

"I'd never purposely hurt you."

"_But you did," _I repeated.

He gave a sort of a whimper and I realized how tightly my hand was wrapped around him. My knuckles were white. Slowly, I released some of the pressure.

"Goddamn it, I didn't do it on purpose!"

I stopped my ministrations for a moment to look up at him, memorize his features as they were now. Tortured, green eyes, angled slashes of eyebrows, unhappy, fully mouth.

"You've never said that you loved me, all this time," I said quietly, a challenge in my tone. This was the last chance I was willing to give him. Even if everything was happening so fucking quickly that if you blinked, you missed it, he'd never said it. Some people would say that asking this of him was too much after only a few days, but they weren't in my shoes. That was the only thing I was willing to accept from him.

There was silence in the room, Edward's eyes suddenly hidden from view as he looked at anyplace but me.

Feeling my eyes well up and threaten to ruin the magnificently crafted mascara-improved eyelashes Alice had given me, I stood up and pushed my skirt back into place. Edward continued to sit on his desk, his genitalia hanging out for the world to see.

"Goodbye, Edward," I sniffed pathetically, turning for the door.

He caught my wrist.

"I never said I didn't," He said desperately.

"What?"

"I never said I _didn't _love you."

I stared at his pleading expression for a moment. "That's not good enough, Edward," I sighed. I pulled my hand out of his tight grasp and pulled open the door. "Goodbye," I repeated.

****

**Leave a review please.**


	16. Chapter 16

**_THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT!!! _**

**_READ THIS WHOLE THING! GOT IT??? _**

**_SHOW OF HANDS??? _**

_**WHO IS GOING TO ACTUALLY LISTEN TO ME AND READ THIS ****WHOLE THING??? **_

**_HANDS??? _**

**_RAISE THEM HIGHER!!! _**

**_C'MON PEOPLE!!! _**

**_THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!_**

**_Well, now that I have your attention_ . . . I originally meant for this chapter to be a lot longer, but I decided to post this now, but due to the multitude of reviews I got complaining about Bella's behavior, I thought I'd take a moment explain and defend my ego a bit.**

**Q: Is Bella bipolar?  
****A: No, she just doesn't think through her actions very well. The Bella that I've created is completely impulsive and ruled by emotion. She follows almost no sense of logic except her own. I write as an outlet and this particular story is my way of getting out my craziness. I just happen to channel it towards Bella.**

**I've had SO MANY PEOPLE review telling me how much they hate Bella. That's fine and dandy, people. You're allowed your opinion but I'm begging you to remember that these are FICTIONAL characters. I've pointed this out to several people. FICTIONAL! I'm glad you think of them realistically enough that you get angry at them, but can we tone it down a bit? For my own sanity. I mean, I know that it's impossible to have everyone like my stories and "shower them with praise" and whatnot, but it's really discouraging to write when I have a feeling that some of you are secretly hoping for a fatal accident that will kill Bella off or something.**

**So, I'm sorry if you don't agree with my characters, but this is purely for your entertainment, folks, as well as mine. This whole A/N might have been unnecessary, but this is my way of telling some of you people to "shove it" in a much politer way.**

**To those of you that actually read this, sorry about the strain on your eyes and thanks.**

**MsSailorman**

My brain was on autopilot as I blankly grabbed my keys and clicked the elevator button. Dazedly, I realized that Edward had failed me. He hadn't said it. Yes, I fucking admitted to pressuring him into saying it. And I shouldn't have. But I did it anyway and Edward hadn't delivered. The time had come and passed and now I was alone. He'd sat there promising me he'd never hurt me and he had. This hurt even more than finding him on the couch with Tanya or him saying that he stayed around for the food.

I blinked and looked up, realizing that I was standing in front of my apartment building motionlessly. _How the fuck did I end up here? _Thank god I wasn't in a car crash or anything. But it occurred to me that feeling how I felt, a car crash wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world. Quick at least.

I gave myself a mental slap. _Christ, you get rejected once and now you're suicidal. Snap out of it, Swan. _I wanted to argue back with my inner voice, but I resisted the temptation and meandered up the stairs to my apartment, an unthinking being. I just wanted to sleep and wallow in my self-pity.

My hands fumbled with my keys. When the door finally swung open, I gasped and almost closed it again. Cupping my mouth in shock, I stared wide-eyed at the apartment. Edward had already moved out. In just a day. How the hell did he do that?

The absence of his things was obvious, though he had clearly left a lot. For instance, the coffee table and the TV and the paisley rug had all been his. The couch, too. He'd bought the couch.

Of all the things he could have left behind, he left the fucking _couch. _

My emotions – which were pure chaos on a normal day if you haven't noticed – flipped like a switch. He'd left the damn couch. Why? To remind me of the fact that he'd chosen Tanya over me? To make me remember the multiple times I'd seen them having sex on it? Why?

Angrily, I slammed the door closed. _Why the couch? _I demanded internally. Not thinking about the repercussions, I kicked the side of the repulsive piece of furniture.

There was a second in which I just stood there, not feeling anything except a sense of satisfaction. Then the pain hit. I doubled over, hopping around like an idiot and trying to clutch my foot, swearing like a sailor. "Goddamn it! Fuck! Baby Jesus! Monkey balls! Fucking moose! Oh god! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

Hobbling, I limped towards the kitchen and dug around in the freezer for an icepack. I swear I had one in there somewhere. As I had expected, nothing was missing from the kitchen. I'd warned him about that before. The kitchen was mine. But I kind of wanted him to have stolen something. It would give me more reason to be mad at him. Anger was easier to maintain than depression.

My hand, which had been absently rooting around in the freezer, encountered a cylindrical object. I looked and I nearly burst into tears right there. The fucking ice cream stash was sitting in plain sight. Ben and Jerry's was staring me right in the face, taunting me.

_You shouldn't have given him an ultimatum like that, _said Ben.

_Yes, _agreed Jerry_. He was only your friend a short two weeks ago and you expect him to have a seamless transition into lover. He's not ready for that._

_Jerry has a point, _said Ben. _You can't ply him with sex with expect that to work. You're a terrible human being._

The Ben and Jerry in my head attempted to blow raspberries at me, but I slammed the freezer door shut. "Fuck the ice," I muttered angrily, stomping out of the kitchen as best I could without hitting my toe.

That's when I realized that my door – which had been in a state of utter brokenness the last time I saw it – was now perfectly hinged to the frame. Edward had replaced it before he left. _Perfect, yet another way that I can feel shitty about myself._

The further I looked around the apartment, the worse I began to feel. What kind of fucked up plan had I come up with? What was it even supposed to accomplish? Physical torture? _Yeah, good job with that, Swan. You left Edward hard and left the office like a child because she couldn't have a doll she wanted. Yeah, how does your success feel?_

And I cursed out Edward for not fighting. I was the one that was fucking walking away!

"Ugh, shit," I groaned to myself, rubbing my forehead in my hand. "I'm retarded." The realization was crushing and I felt as if it had been staring at me from pointblank range the entire time.

It felt as if a hole had been punched into my chest, a hole of my own making. I had to make this right somehow.

*****

**Yeah, it's short, but if you read the A/N, you know why.**

**I'm recommending a fic called, "Age of Consent: My Summer as a Legal Intern". Written by: _littlesecret84_**


	17. Chapter 17

**Ok, I apologize for the fact that this is not a real update. But I just HAD to share this. **

**I was looking around online and I stumbled across this website full of jokes and stuff. Then I found the perfect thing to describe Bella's POV. **

**_I'm telling you people, it's PERFECT!!!_**

The female always make the rules.

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules.

If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

The female is never wrong.

If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

The female may change her mind at any time.

The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.

The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The male is expected to mind read at all times.

The female is ready when she is ready.

The male must be ready at all times.

**_I don't know how to put Bella into perspective any better than that._**

**_Hope you enjoyed that. And don't worry, I'll update soon._**


	18. Chapter 18

**I warn you now. This is _not _a happy chapter. Just saying. Bear with me. It gets better.**

Dejectedly, I looked around the apartment, being stricken with a new memory of Edward at every turn.

The couch obviously already had its memories. It was the start of this whole roller coaster ride that I seemed unable to exit from. It was like the safety bar that kept you inside the ride had turned into a restraint and now I couldn't fucking leave.

The TV, that Twilight porno we watched together.

The bookshelf, filled with books that Edward had given me over periods of time for birthdays and Christmas.

The little window seat in the corner, where we sat the first time Edward had come to me after the fight with his parents. It was where I had offered that he move in. The best and worst choice I've ever made.

The kitchen itself, my first seduction. Fuck. I wanted to burn that night from my memory.

I wanted to get rid of _all _of these memories. I didn't want to hurt anymore. I sighed, knowing I'd brought this on myself. My fingers clasped around my doorknob and I pushed it open reluctantly, thinking that I'd prefer if it was still broken.

Then I paused, my fist growing tighter around the knob. My eyes flicked to my right and I took a step backwards. Edward's door was calling to me. It was closed shut and I suddenly had the greatest urge to look around.

Hesitating for a moment, I unclenched my hand and took a step to the right. I pushed Edward's door open.

I didn't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't this. Well, wait. I had expected it to be completely void of Edward, all of the furniture gone and utterly empty.

But the bed, the dresser, the long mirror, the bedside table were all in exactly the same place.

_What the fuck? All of this is Edward's stuff. He bought it. Why didn't he take it with him?_

Maybe he wanted me to be miserable and leave me reminders that I'd kicked him to the curb just because he couldn't say three words.

_Actions speak louder than words, _Ben said wisely.

I rolled my eyes at the fact that my voices of reason seemed to have become an ice cream company. That just wasn't right.

_Yes, actions do speak louder than words. Especially the action of Edward about to have sex with Tanya, _I thought back bitterly.

_You're pathetic, _Jerry insulted me. _If you truly loved him, you'd just look past that._

_The bastard cheated on me! _I screamed internally.

_And we don't give a flying fuck, _said Ben. _You heard him. He was going to push her off. Why don't you give him the benefit of the doubt for once?_

"Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!" I yelled out loud, running forwards and collapsing on top of Edward's bed. I wanted peace and quiet, not my conscience poking and prodding at me, making me feel bad. As if I didn't already feel like a piece of shit.

Beginning to cry, I pulled one of Edward's pillows closer and hugged it to my body. It smelled like him. Inhaling shallowly through my tears, my breath stuttered as I struggled to maintain control. Then I heard a crinkling sound and looked around confusedly.

A piece of wrinkled paper was lying on the bed next to me. I flicked on the bedside lamp and sniffed, rubbing my eyes free of tears so that I could see clearly. Edward's neat handwriting flowed across the page.

_Bella, I know you hate me right now. I made a mistake, one that I'm going to do everything in my power to correct. You asked me to leave and that's what I'm doing. I hate doing it, but I'll do anything you want, Bella. Even if you – understandably – don't want anything to do with me anymore, here's my new address and phone number. I know we'll see each other at work, but if you ever wanted to drop by or give me a call, here it is._

_Sincerely,_

_Edward_

I stared down at the letter for a moment, tracing my fingers over the "P.S." where his address and landline number was written in.

As my fingers caressed the ink that had long since dried, it felt like something inside me shift. Some resolve came upon me.

I knew right then and there that I'd made a mistake – possibly the worst in my life. If Edward didn't love me right now, then I'd wait. I'd _make_ him fall in love with me.

Giving his pillow one last sniff, I trundled to the kitchen, wary of my toe, and I got to work. I was making beef wellington, only this time, I wasn't seducing him. I was apologizing.

*

After hours of labor, I'd produced a tray full of beef wellington. I wrapped them up, seized the letter with Edward's address on it, and got in my car.

I drove like a woman possessed. It was still astounding to me that I was apprehended for speeding thirty miles over the speed limit. My truck was whining in protest, the engine wheezing. I patted the dashboard consolingly.

_Buy a new truck, _Jerry chimed.

_Yes, buy a new truck, _Ben agreed.

"Oh, shut it," I muttered to myself, almost screeching to a stop outside of Edward's new place. It was another apartment building and I frowned at the sight of it. This place was a lot ritzier. If I ever managed to convince Edward to move back in with me, he'd probably have to be dragged from here kicking and screaming. They had a minimum of three rooms per apartment. _Minimum. _I had always considered my apartment cozy and wonderful. This place made it seem like a shit box.

Getting a bad feeling in my chest, I persisted anyway, gripping my little plate of beef wellington and closing the truck door behind me. I scampered up the front steps as quickly as I could with my toe being in the agony it was. There was a lobby of sorts that greeted me. Really pristine, too. I saw an elevator and made a beeline for it.

My hasty walk was interrupted by someone stepping in front of the elevator doors. It suddenly occurred to me that they weren't going to let me up here unless they had permission from the residents. He looked friendly enough. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a lazy smile. He had on a burgundy uniform and it struck me as odd and insane that they had _staff _for an apartment building. Really? Was it really necessary?

"May I help you, miss?" He asked politely, although he still firmly was planted in my path. His accent had a southern twang to it.

I clutched my plate of a food a little tighter. "I need to see someone."

"What room number?" He inquired.

"Um," I frowned. "Hang on a minute." I tried to dig around in my pocket and paused. "Hold this for a sec," I muttered, shoving the plate at him as I wrestled with my coat pocket, finally retrieving the letter with his apartment number on it.

The burgundy-clad guy looked uncomfortable, holding the beef wellington almost as arms length. I was easily the most casually dressed person here, looking like some crazed version of Betty Crocker with my little plate of food. Edward had moved into some swank penthouse apparently. The guard probably wasn't used to normal people like me . . . well, with the word normal being loosely interpreted in my case.

"Um, it's the penthouse suite?" I said, making it more of a question as I read the letter. Did I mention how loaded Edward was? Because he was.

The guy looked incredulous. "You're here to see Mr. Cullen?"

I gave him a once-over. This place was good. Edward had moved in last night and even the nuisance of an elevator guard knew his name. "Yes. Yes, I am. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to go and see him now."

I grabbed my plate back and tried to brush past but the bastard just stepped with me.

"Is Mr. Cullen aware that you are visiting?"

Involuntarily, I grit my teeth. "No," I spat.

"Well, perhaps we shall give him a call then?" He suggested in what I'm sure he thought was a civil way.

_No! _What if he didn't want to see me? Besides, the mental image I had constructed of me going to his apartment included me knocking on his door and him being so surprised to see me that he just had to kiss me and then make love to me once I fed him his favorite food. I didn't want to give him time to prepare himself. I had the element of surprise and both Ben _and _Jerry agreed with me that this was a good thing.

"I don't want him to know that I'm coming. It's a surprise," I tried to explain, fighting hard to keep my tone from revealing how very close to violence I was.

"Miss, I can't let you up there unless you either are living here or you have explicit permission from a resident to visit. Mr. Cullen has not informed us of your arrival and until he admits you, you're not allowed up."

I took a menacing step forward. "Listen here, fucker. I need to see Edward Cullen right fucking now before I make the biggest mistake of my life and if this food is cold before I get a chance to feed it to him, there is going to be hell to pay," I growled at him, poking him in the chest with my free hand.

My hand came into contact with something and out of natural reaction, I looked down.

My eyes found the golden nametag he wore, which had been in plain sight the whole time. _Jasper Whitlock._ Well, fuck. How many other Jasper Whitlock's could there be in Forks with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a southern accent?

Several things clicked in my brain and my head snapped back and forth between the nametag and the burgundy-wearing Texan. Alice's not-so-quick quickie.

"Holy shit, you're the car cowboy!" I exclaimed, not giving him a chance to answer.

"What?" Jasper asked, confused.

"Remember that girl you fucked in her car this morning?" I asked. "She's my best friend. The guy I want to see is her boss. Well, he's my boss, too. But that's beside the point."

He immediately played dumb. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Bullshit," I called him out. "Her name is Alice Brandon and she drives a yellow Porsche. You stopped to help fix her tire and you guys fucked in the backseat. Apparently, you have great stamina."

My last sentence seemed to crack his composure. "She said that?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes. _Men._ But nevertheless, I pounced on the chink in his armor, praying to god I could convince this guy before the food got cold. "Yes. I'll give you her phone number if you let me see Edward," I promised rashly, knowing Alice wouldn't mind. Hell, she was probably already talking about the composition of her wedding bouquet already.

Out of nowhere, he whipped out a cell phone and handed it to me. "Do it quickly before I get fired for this," He urged.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I shoved the plate back into his hands to quickly type in Alice's number, desperate at this point. We swapped items again and I nervously fiddled with the tin foil wrapped around the beef wellington, waiting for him to let me go.

"Just promise me that this is her real number," He almost begged.

"Of course it is," I snapped. "Now, let me the fuck up there before I tell Alice that you were harassing me for trying to get back the love of my life."

"No, shit. Don't tell her that."

"Then let me up there," I hissed.

Jasper reluctantly pressed the "UP" button behind him and stepped aside when the elevator doors slid open.

I actually smiled at him. "Oh, and next time you fuck her, you should know that she loves it when guys kiss the back of her neck," I offered up some advice as my way of saying thanks.

His eyes got huge and he nodded, his mouth wide open in shock.

The doors slid closed before he could speak and I jammed the button for the penthouse repeatedly. Achingly slowly, the elevator crept up past the floors. Whimpering to myself, my fingers clenched tightly on the plate and I tapped my foot repeatedly.

After what felt like hours, the doors slid open to the penthouse level. Without waiting for the door to slide open all the way, I squeezed past it and hurriedly read the signs that directed me to Edward's apartment.

As I flew down the hallways, I saw streaks of color indicating doors and light fixtures against the walls. But I didn't stop until I reached the very last door in this section of the building. With a trembling hand, I pulled Edward's letter from my pocket to double check the apartment number. It matched the numbers embossed on the door.

I patted down my hair quickly and worked to regain my breath. Slowly, I raised my hand to knock.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

I waited anxiously to see Edward.

And then I waited some more.

Any second now Edward was going to open up that door and be so happy to see me that he'd bring me inside and kiss me and love me. Ok, maybe that was a tad optimistic.

There was no sound from within his apartment, not even a rustle or the sound of a TV or anything.

_Maybe he's asleep, _Ben suggested.

_Yes, call the landline, _Jerry added.

As against listening to my self-proclaimed inner voices as I was, I grudgingly admitted that it was a good idea and keyed in his new number into my phone, looking off of the letter.

I heard the ringing from inside, making me certain this it was, in fact, Edward's apartment, but there was no answer. My phone continued to ring and ring and ring.

I finally hit the "End" button, getting annoyed and the keening of my phone. This was not at all how I had planned things. I awkwardly rolled my weight to my other hip and dialed Edward's cell phone this time, continually staring at his apartment door as if maybe it would magically open.

"Hello?" A voice asked.

I immediately recognized it. "Emmett?" I asked. "Why the fuck do you have Edward's cell phone?" What sounded like bad pop music was playing in the background and the sound of a crowd.

"Who is this?" Emmett asked.

"It's Bella, you idiot. Didn't you read the caller ID? Why do you have Edward's cell phone?"

"How's it going?" He asked evasively.

"Emmett," I growled menacingly.

He sighed. "Fine. Edward is shit-faced. We went to a strip club together and he's _really _intoxicated right now."

My mouth dropped open. What the fuck? He was supposed to be pining in isolation at his apartment, conveniently waiting for me, not out contracting STD's from strippers. "Oh my fucking god, Emmett! What the hell?! Was this your idea?!" I demanded.

"No!" He quickly defended. "Edward told me he was going and I went along because I didn't want him to drive himself when he clearly planned on getting drunk. Not to mentions there were tits involved. That was a plus."

"Emmett, give me back my damn phone!" I heard Edward yelling in the background. I heard the slur in his voice even over the phone. He was completely and utterly wasted.

There was a muffling sound and what sounded like fists hitting flesh. "Who is this?" Edward's drunken, demanding voice took over my speaker and I assumed that he had managed to get his cell phone back from Emmett.

"This is Bella," I almost growled at him.

"Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. Why are you calling me, you bitch?" He asked at me angrily. "Oh wait, I know. Have you come to ruin my life some more? Have you called to demand more impossible things from me? And it _is _impossible to love you, by the way," Edward informed me.

My jaw just dropped. Edward, in all his life, had never been so rude or cruel to me. Not directly to my face at least. Not even when he was drunk. "I'm calling you, _Edward, _because I'm standing outside your apartment right now, holding a plate of beef wellington, and wanting to apologize to you."

There was a long pause.

"Oh, fucking hell. I didn't mean that, Bella. I'm just a tad inebriated right now," He tried to explain himself.

_Yeah, a _tad, Ben snorted.

_That bastard is completely smashed, _added Jerry.

"Whatever. I'm leaving the food at your door." Unfortunately, my voice cracked. A stupid tear leaked down my face.

"No, Bella. Don't. Just wait there, ok? I'm coming."

"Just save it, Edward," I whimpered, completely losing composure. "I quit, by the way. I'm done. Just stay at your goddamned strip club and buy a fucking lap dance or something. I don't care anymore." Without another word, I snapped my phone shut.

All but flinging the plate at his doorstep, I stood still for a moment, absorbing the situation.

I loved Edward Cullen . . . and I hated him for it.

I loved him enough so that everything he did hurt me and I hated both him and myself for allowing it to continue. I was an enabler. That's what they called the people who were abused and protected their abusers, thus enabling the abuse to continue.

I needed to stop enabling it.

I needed to stop being in love with Edward Cullen.

****

**Um, yeah . . . thoughts?**


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry it took me longer than it usually does to get this chapter up. I recently had some surgery done and there were some really painful after-effects. So I haven't been writing as much as usual.**

**Also, aside from the medical stuff, I was having troubles deciding on where to take this story. Quite frankly, I think these two just need to suck it up and get back together again because they're driving me insane. My interest in this story is dwindling at a depressingly quick rate and I'm probably going to cut to the chase here.**

**Thanks,**

**MsSailorman.**

*

I allowed myself to cry in the hallway for a few minutes before sniffling one last time and straightening up my hunched shoulders. This had gone way too far and gone on way too long. The pattern here was obvious. Edward and I had sex in which I got up my hopes that he loved me and then he went off and did some asshole stunt that ended up hurting me. It was a sick cycle that I fully intended to quit.

My resolve strengthening, I made my way to the elevator, brushing past the doorways and tapping the "DOWN" button. There was a pain in my chest, like heartburn. Stubbornly, I refused to acknowledge it. Ben and Jerry however, had no problem giving me a full psychoanalysis.

_The pain could be something you ate. That pizza you ate during lunch probably wasn't good for you, _Ben said logically.

_You're an idiot, _Jerry admonished Ben. _It's obviously because she loves him. You know you love him, Bella. That's why it hurts so much._

I rapped my knuckles against the side of my head. "Oy, shut up in there. I don't want or need your advice."

I realized immediately that I wasn't alone on the elevator and that the haughty blonde next to me was giving me the _look. _

"I just had my heart broken. Leave me the fuck alone," I hissed at her, irritable towards just about everything right now.

She made an indignant huffing noise and turned her eyes to the front again. "Crazy," She muttered under her breath.

She was taller than me, but I thought I could take her. "Want to repeat that, bitch?"

"You heard me," She said snidely.

"Just because you live in some fancy-shmancy apartment that looks like a fucking hotel doesn't give you the right to judge me!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" She said, rolling her eyes. "The fact that you're schizophrenic has nothing to do with where I live."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "It's called a conscience. You should try getting one sometime."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" She growled, angling her body towards me and looking ready to fight.

I needed a physical outlet anyway. Charlie could bail me out if I got arrested.

Unfortunately, I forgot the fact that we were in an elevator. I was shocked as hell when the doors opened to reveal Jasper, still in his burgundy uniform. He quickly assessed the situation. "Hello, Rose. What's going on?"

"This _bitch _just insulted me for no reason!" She declared, stomping out of the elevator and standing at Jasper's side.

I followed after, still raring to fight. "How do you know Jasper?" I demanded. If he was cheating on Alice or something, I would fuck him up.

"How do _you _know Jasper?" The woman asked right back in a sneering voice.

"Rose, calm down," Jasper instructed. He turned to me. "This is Rosalie, my sister. Rosalie, this is . . . actually, I didn't catch her name yet."

"Bella," I snapped, eyeing Rosalie.

"How did things go with Edward?" Jasper asked, probably desperate to keep me distracted from killing his sister.

It worked. I stopped in place and turned my face to him. Did he seriously just ask that when I had obviously been crying? I scoffed at him. "How do you _think_ it went?"

"Don't talk to my brother like that," Rosalie hissed.

"Ladies, both of you need to calm down. Bella is Alice's best friend. You know, that girl I told you about. She's the best friend of your future sister-in-law, so be nice. Bella, Rosalie has an apartment here. I believe she was already introduced to Edward actually."

Rosalie stopped her movement. "Wait, _you're _that girl that he was sobbing over like an idiot?"

"What?"

"Edward Cullen. He just moved here. He was practically wailing. I came to check on him last night and it turned into a therapy session. What the hell did you _do _to him?"

"_I _didn't do anything," I growled. "The bastard cheated on me and I told him to get out of my apartment."

"Wait, you guys were dating?" She asked, her eyes going up and down my body once and looking incredulous.

Was it really that hard to believe? "Yes, we were," I said indignantly.

"No wonder you guys broke up," She scoffed. "I wouldn't want you hanging around either."

My teeth clenched and my nostrils flared. She was asking to die. Literally. I could practically feel my fingernails growing for optimum eye-clawing-out length.

Ben was sternly telling me off and Jerry was sporting one of those huge number one gloves that you see at sporting events and calling Rosalie inappropriate names.

Rolling my sleeves up, I tossed my purse at Jasper and glared at Rosalie. "Listen here, blondie. I don't give a fuck who you _think _you are, but you don't know _anything._"

She took a step closer, towering over me by about a foot. Her boobs – which may I point out, were _huge _– nearly poked me in the eyes. I had the greatest urge to prod at one just to see what texture the silicone implants were.

"You're right. I don't know anything. But I _do _know that whatever you did to put that guy in so much pain has got to stop. He was sobbing like a baby. Christ, I've never seen a grown man cry like that except when I kicked Jasper where it hurts for hanging my bra up in the boys locker room when we were in high school as part of a dare."

My eyes flicked to Jasper and he had the good grace to look embarrassed.

And then I started laughing. It was probably just a nervous reaction due to the fact that I was under immense stress at the moment. I laughed so hard that the snobbish people of the Taj Mahal apartments turned to look at me. Tears streaked down my face. That's how hysterical I was.

And then, like someone flipped some unknown switch, I was sobbing. My laughter was over and I found myself clutching onto Rosalie as I cried my eyes out. She patted my hair soothingly. Blondie the Bitch had disappeared and now she was nurturing.

"Come on. We're going up to my apartment, sweetie. You need some rest." Rosalie didn't wait for my answer as she huddled me against her chest like a mother would. "Jasper, come on up when your shift is over."

"But I was going to call Alice and ask her on a date," He almost whined, looking torn between my pitiful tears and his own want.

"You might as well invite her over then," Rosalie sighed, rolling her eyes. "We'll have a slumber party or something, ok?" She asked me, stroking my hair again.

My face was mashed against her cleavage and I had to turn sideways for air. "Ok," I mumbled, my mouth squished.

What's pathetic was that I had already overrun my allotted time for bawling over Edward.

_Better to be crying than to be taken away in cuffs for battery and assault, _Ben offered up logically.

_Pathetic, _Jerry said disgustedly. _You didn't even get in a good punch. And good lord, look at the size of those melons!_

Jerry was currently drooling, so I internally shut him up. The fact that an ice cream label continually talked inside my head scared the hell out of me. Christ, I couldn't even get someone _wise _in my head. Yoda or Gandhi or something. No, I got BJ therapy. Why had god cursed me?

"Bella, come on. I'll make us some food or something," Rosalie enticed me with the promise of sustenance and brought me back into the elevator with her.

It seemed like a bad idea if I took a step back. Going into a stranger's apartment. A stranger that I had been pretty prepared to beat up a few minutes ago. "Why are you being nice to me?" I suddenly asked.

Rosalie turned to me and smiled. "Because, Bella. You and Edward are both torn up about the other and you're being stupid by not being together. Therefore, I'm going to help you. You're both in pain and I'm going to make it stop."

Her words didn't encourage me. I was trying to fall out of love with Edward Cullen, not dig myself a deeper hole. This plan was rapidly losing its appeal. "But I don't want –," I began.

"Shush. Of course you want to be back together with him. Have you seen yourself lately, Bella?"

I frowned at the implication. I knew that my face was all red and puffy from crying so much. But who was to say that was because I wanted Edward back? Maybe it was because of all the fucking pain he'd caused me.

She seemed to take my silence as acceptance of her words, so she stopped lecturing and guided me down the hallways that I had just run around in. Rosalie lived in the penthouse, too, apparently.

I got more horrified with each step she took closer to her door because I could only deny for so long that she didn't live right next to Edward. But when she took out her key and pressed it into the lock, I knew that she was Edward's neighbor. Ugh, this was going to be a long night. Especially if he came home anytime soon. Like hell I wouldn't have my ear up against the wall, trying to hear everything he said or did.

I stepped into Rosalie's apartment unthinkingly, so caught up in my own thoughts of Edward that I failed to notice that Rosalie lived like fucking royalty. Stopping dead when I realized where I was, I gaped at the room before me.

Everything was pristine white, looking completely fucking stainable. Immediately, I whipped off my shoes and carefully set them down next to the door, not wanting to trample the snowy rug with any dirt. I could only imagine what kind of cleaning bill she racked up.

The room was all about sharp edges. Everything was at perfect right angles. The sofa had perfectly square cushions and the fire that roared in front of it was sheathed inside a square fireplace. Every single wall was white and the wall facing opposite me was really just a large glass door that led to the balcony. I saw an opening to my right that led to the kitchen and to my left was a hallway that led to the large rooms. The opulent settings had me shrinking back against the door. This place felt too perfect to intrude on.

Rosalie, noticing my irrational fear, casually strode forward – perhaps to show me that I was allowed to actually walk around – and discarded her jacket, tossing it over the couch back. "Bella, the rug isn't going to bite you."

I frowned and took a cautious step forward. "It's so . . . _white." _

She snickered. "Did you just figure that out?"

I frowned some more, errantly sniffling a bit because my nose was still runny from my crying bout.

There was a beat of silence. "Well, I'll be honest. I didn't really think this through. What do you want to do tonight?" Rosalie leaned against the couch and folded her arms, waiting patiently for my answer.

"Um, I don't know. I just want to take my mind off of stuff. Can we watch a movie or something?" My eyes flicked to the insanely gigantic flat screen that she had screwed into her wall.

"A movie it is. You know, I was serious about inviting that Alice chick over. My brother hasn't shut up about her since this morning. I might as well get to know her now. Not to mention that I'm sure you want some comfort from someone you're actually friends with. I know we just met, but I really want to help." She sounded sincere, so I just nodded and smiled weakly.

"I'll call her," I offered, reaching into my pocket. My hand resurfaced empty. "Oh, shit. Jasper is still holding my purse." With the realization came the urge to giggle. Alice had bought me that purse for my birthday. And when Alice was involved with my purses, that meant pink. Lots of pink.

Jasper was currently standing the lobby of this upper class apartment building in his maroon uniform, clutching a pink purse.

The image was almost too much.

"Do you want me to pop back down there and grab it for you?" Rosalie offered.

I shook my head. "I know the way. I'll just be a minute."

She shrugged and I quickly yanked my chucks back on, exiting her crazily expensive looking apartment and ambling down the halls, trying to remember the exact way to the elevators. I felt like a lab rat in a goddamn maze.

Of course, I found my metaphorical cheese when the silver elevator doors came into sight. They slid open when I was a few feet away. I nearly jumped.

No, I hadn't found the cheese. I'd just gotten the biggest electric shock of my life.

Because Edward Cullen was standing in the elevator.

********

**I shall now be known by my self-proclaimed title: Queen of the Cliffies.**


	20. Chapter 20

**As many of you know, I recently was in the hospital for some emergency surgery. That being said, I really was affected by the whole thing and thus, my story -- out of nowhere -- switched directions rather violently. So if it seems random, it's just because I'm experiencing bad stuff on my end of things.**

**ALSO IMPORTANT!!! **

**For the vast number of you people who are going to be insanely upset with me at the end of this chapter, I refuse to apologize in any way, shape, or form for it because I'm feeling pretty darn pleased with myself at the moment.**

**Thanks. Much love,**

**MsSailorman**

********

The biggest of all motherfucking pauses happened in which we both stared dumbly at each other.

I took in his appearance.

His eyes were glazed over and the pupils were gigantic; the emerald green eyes I was used to had been reduced to tiny rims. Edward was still wearing the suit he'd worn to work today, minus the jacket. His tie was loose and his clothing was distinctly rumpled. And my god, the smell! He reeked of alcohol. When the elevator doors opened, the scent had hit me like a wall.

I looked him up and down and my eyes paused. A piece of neon green, sequined fabric was tucked into his belt. After a second's inspection, I nearly vomited on Edward's shoes. He had a fucking green g-string attached to him. Any hope that I may have been harboring about Edward not _really _being at a strip club just got washed out the window.

Edward, though obviously slow to react due to the booze, was rapidly getting over the shock. I saw his jaw unloosening itself to say whatever other goddamned phrase he wanted to inflict upon me.

Before he had the chance, I did an immediate backtrack of my steps and rocketed to the stairwell. I could barely put up with Edward's shit when he was sober, let alone inebriated.

"Bella!" He called after me anxiously. I was already halfway down the first flight. His legs may have been longer, but I was hoping that the liquor would disorient him enough that I had a chance of escape.

"Fuck off!" I yelled, pushing myself faster. It wasn't a good idea. My momentum was too much for my uncoordinated limbs to keep up with. A scream ripped out of my throat, echoing in the stairwell as I went plummeting downwards. I braced myself for the impact, my hands flying up to protect my face.

I went headfirst down the stairs. I didn't feel the pain at first. It didn't exist; I could barely make sense of the world spinning around me as my body contorted oddly.

With no warning, I came to a halt at the bottom of the second flight of stairs. I felt . . . _warm. _Wet almost. I intuitively knew that it was blood. My eyes focused on the ceiling above me, the underbelly of the stairs I had just sprawled down, strangely uncaring as to the state I was in.

Then the pain hit. Like a truck. Like getting smacked in the face with a shovel. Like getting riddled with thousands of bullets in one simultaneous action. I couldn't move except to writhe like a fish out of water. Millions of needles stabbed through me, focusing intensely on my leg, my wrist, and my torso.

Edward's panicked face came into view above me. I saw him on the phone already, though I didn't realize at the time he was calling for an ambulance. It was inconsequential. The only thing that mattered was that I was going to die if this pain didn't stop soon.

I was going to die. The anguish was too much.

Edward knelt next to me, utterly beautiful as always, even when he was terrified. He cradled my head in arms.

If I was going to die, I needed to pick out some last words. As maxed out as my brain capacity was with the excruciating misery, I managed to form my last words.

"Edward, before I die, I want you to know that I love you," I choked.

Maybe it took death to realize it, but I knew then that I always would. No matter how much pain he caused me, how much grief, angst, drama, worry, agony, despair . . . I loved Edward Cullen.

Then, right on cue, I passed into death's welcoming arms.

*

Ok, so maybe I hadn't led the greatest life ever, but I most certainly had not warranted an eternity in hell. And I knew it was hell because heaven could not be this painful. What the fuck had I done to deserve hell? I mean, I was a good person. I was nice to people. I paid my bills. I never hurt anybody. Well, except for Edward, but the fucker had deserved some suffering.

I became aware of fluorescent lights and I thought it was odd that Satan would be energy-efficient. But then again, hell wasn't exactly what I'd imagined. I wasn't burning per say. No, just suffering mortal agony.

_If you're suffering_**mortal** _agony, that means you're still alive, dumbass, _Jerry scoffed.

_No, go back to sleep, Bella. This is going to sting, _Ben winced.

My eyes fluttered open and I suddenly wished I listened to Ben more often. Oh god, the pain. All-encompassing and inescapable.

"Bella, honey? We're on our way to the emergency room right now," an anxious voice informed me.

Trying to focus past the harsh light, I saw lots of gold. Gold hair. Rosalie. I didn't reply to her with anything comprehensible, but rather moaned in pain.

Another face hovered and I saw copper. Copper and gold, what a combo. Edward.

I may not have been able to form syllables for Rosalie, but I sure as hell could muster up a few choice words for Edward. "You!" I gasped, the very action of breathing hurting my ribs. "You bastard! You stupid ass cocksucker! I hate you so much! This is all your fault!" I continued to scream profanities and place more blame on him because in my deranged state, it was the only thing that made sense.

If Edward hadn't been a jackass and gone to a strip club and waited in his apartment like a good boy, then I wouldn't be in this mess.

"No, you know what?! Cocksucker isn't a good word for you! You like vaginas too much! You're such a goddamned pervert! Stupid sex addict and your pathetic excuses!" I had no filter anymore and it seemed that every single emotion he'd made me feel was being channeled into my pain-induced proclamations.

I couldn't focus my eyes enough to see his reaction. Somebody needed to turn out the lights or something. I felt a sting in my left arm and saw a stranger stabbing me with an IV. I wanted to roll my eyes. The fact that I had even noticed something as small as an IV through all this other pain was ridiculous.

"Bella, calm down," Edward said soothingly. "You're saying things you don't mean right now."

His words just further enraged me. I sure as hell meant the things I was saying! Maybe it was a good thing. It was easier to focus outside of the pain when I was angry. My eyes wheeled around and I saw him clearly for a moment. Definitely still drunk. The g-string was still tucked into his belt. I reached out and snatched it, immediately regretting the action because it sent a shooting pain up my arm.

"Please don't move, miss," the IV guy said.

I ignored him, my teeth clenched against the pain. "Do you see this, you asshole? I was standing at your _fucking_ door with a_ fucking_ plate of your _fucking_ favorite food and you had the _fucking_ nerve to be at a _fucking _strip club." I wondered if someone was keeping count of how many times I said the word 'fucking' because I think I reached a new grand total.

"Jesus Christ, Bella! I'm sorry! I thought you'd finally realized what an ass I am and decided that you were done. I was hurt, ok? I did the thing I always do when I'm hurt. I get drunk and have sex."

My jaw dropped. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the fucking phone! You actually had sex?!"

The poor emergency technician was staring at us like we were insane. It made sense. This was better than a soap opera. Some long lost twin of mine was going to pop up soon.

Edward's suddenly tight-lipped expression said it all. He obviously hadn't meant to tell me that.

I gasped and then I started struggling against the restraints that held me to the gurney that I was on. I started struggling because I was seeing red and I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to murder him. Make him bleed and break the way I was right now.

_Give him the old one-two! _Jerry cried.

_You're going to hurt yourself even more, _Ben said, forever the voice of reason.

"Shut up!" I growled at them, fighting fiercely.

The IV dude shot something into the medicine tube and I knew what it was when my body began to feel heavy and my dearest desire became sleeping. I stopped my attempt to commit homicide.

"Rose?" I asked, beckoning her to lean closer. My eyelids were closed, but I was still awake. Barely.

"Yes?"

"Kick him in the balls for me when you get the chance. I don't think I'll be able to for a while."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

I smiled and quickly blacked out.

*

I knew I wasn't dead this time. When I woke up, my eyelids opened with the certainty that I was alive. And I knew that because I wouldn't allow myself to be dead until I hit Edward Cullen. Hard. I hoped Rosalie kicked his ass. She looked like the type that could.

I also knew that I was in the hospital. The sterile, stale smell was what tipped me off. Well, that and the heart rate monitor next to me. That continuous beeping was only heard in so many places.

"Bella? Are you awake?" The voice that called me wasn't the one that I expected.

My eyes focused on the ceiling above me before I made a move to look around. Jacob Black. "What are you doing here?" I rasped. My throat was drier than the Sahara desert.

He was holding a bouquet of white tulips. "Alice told me what happened. I came as soon as I heard. How are you feeling?"

"Like a piece of shit," I answered honestly, surprised by his presence. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Jake shrugged. "Yeah, but I want to be here. You're so broken."

I grimaced and then groaned at the pain that caused me. "You shouldn't be missing work because of me. I'll be fine."

"Bella, drop it. I want to be here, so I'm here." He set the flowers down on my bedside table without any further argument and plopped down in the seat next to my bed.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked.

"They told me that you were passed out for about three days."

My eyes got huge. "Three days?! What the hell?!" The beeping to my left started accelerating.

Jake's hands enveloped mine. "Calm down. Everything's fine."

The touch soothed me. I started blushing when I remembered that the last time I'd seen Jacob, I'd been making out with him in the staff lunchroom and Edward caught us. Christ, how much did Jake know about that? Did he know that Edward and I had been more than what I had pretended?

"You look scared," he commented.

"I'm just wondering how many bones I've broken," I lied, although that was on my list of questions to ask.

"I don't have all the information, but I think you have a sprained wrist, a broken leg, two broken ribs, and a sprained ankle."

I frowned distastefully at the news. But I guess it could have been worse. "Do you know when they'll let me out of here?"

Jake shook his head.

I sighed.

There was silence.

"So, obviously, our date was cancelled. And I know it doesn't really count as a date if you're in the hospital. When you get out of here, do you want to go out sometime?"

I hesitated.

_What about Edward? _Ben asked me.

_The asshole slept with a stripper! _Jerry yelled.

"Of course I do," I answered with sudden determination. I was sick and tired of Edward Cullen and his hurtful actions.

Jake smiled winningly and squeezed my hand. I was a bit surprised when he leaned over to kiss me. Even more surprised when my hand wrapped in his hair to hold him to my face. My body ached in protest, but I really wanted to kiss him.

Someone cleared their throat and I saw a gigantic ape approaching. Emmett. "Well, you certainly move fast," Emmett laughed, though I sensed the accusation.

I pulled away from Jake, pink-faced.

"Glad to see you awake, munchkin. Everybody's been really worried about you." Emmett's eyes narrowed a bit at Jake, as if to say that he shouldn't be there.

"Good to know," I muttered. "Shouldn't you be at work as well?"

Emmett smiled. "I have the flu."

I rolled my eyes, happy to find that that particular action didn't hurt. "You shouldn't be lying to the company just to come and see me."

"Hey, if Edward gets a long vacation, then I sure as hell do, too."

My eyebrows rose. "Long vacation?"

"He hasn't left the hospital since you've been here. He's sleeping in the waiting room right now." Emmett was devious. He had a reason for saying that right in front of Jake. "I think I'll go and wake him up right now."

"No!" Jake and I both said at the same time.

Emmett gave us a look.

I understood my reasoning for not wanting Edward anywhere near me, but I didn't get why Jake wouldn't want him here.

"Well, let's just say that I'm not exactly on Edward's good side at the moment," Jake said vaguely when I asked.

My eyes narrowed, but I let it go. "Emmett, I don't want to ever see Edward again except when I'm well enough to kick his ass myself."

"Jesus Christ, not you, too. Edward told me that someone named Rosalie already damaged him." Emmett's voice got low and he moved a sympathetic hand to his manhood, covering it protectively at the thought. "You just don't do that to a guy."

My eyes rolled.

"Well, I'm at least going to go and tell Alice that you're awake. She'll want to know." Emmett headed for the door, his hand still clutching at the front of his pants. He stopped and turned. "Oh, and Black? If I find you kissing Edward's girl again, I'm going to rip your arms from your body and burn them."

Jake and I both watched as he left. I could have sworn I saw him flinch.

"Edward's girl, huh?" He asked.

I frowned. "I'm not. Not anymore at least. Emmett is delusional. I won't let him hurt you."

"I'm not worried about him hurting me," he said immediately. Liar.

I shrugged, willing to let him think of himself as manly. "Well, in any case, I'm perfectly single."

"Not if I have a say about it," Jake whispered, leaning back towards me to finish the kiss.

I didn't know how much more kissing I could take knowing that my body in no way was going to be able to handle sex for a while. Horniness wasn't something I dealt well with. Regardless though, I kissed him back as best as I was able. My lips tingled and I felt overheated.

Jake unthinkingly placed his hand at my waist and nudged one of my broken ribs.

I hissed in pain and pulled back.

"Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry."

I let out a long breath and managed a pained smile. "Maybe the physical stuff should wait until I've healed a bit," I suggested softly.

He nodded and apologized again, placing one more soft kiss on my lips.

Of course, the group that I seemed to have in the waiting room all marched in at that moment.

For the second time, I pulled away from Jake, my face flushed.

Emmett was at the back of the group and he mimed ripping Jake apart behind everyone's backs.

Alice descended upon me and kept trying to hug me, but stopping at the last minute, trying to avoid all of my casts. She finally gave a squeak of protest and sighed, settling for patting my head. "Oh my god, you're awake. Thank god. I was so worried."

I tried to pay attention to what she said after that, but it turned into an incomprehensible chatter. My eyes were riveted on Edward. He clearly hadn't shaved for a while; the stubble on his chin was almost blonde. His hair desperately needed to be combed and washed. I had a feeling that for the three days he'd been here, he hadn't managed to shower either.

_For the love of god, why does that turn me on?_

Edward was staring back at me. "You must be feeling better if you're already making out." His eyes flicked to Jake. "You're one step away from being fired."

"You can't fire people out of jealousy," I scoffed. I defiantly grabbed Jake's hand back and held it tightly.

Edward didn't answer but wormed his way to where Alice stood and he took my other hand.

I didn't fight, but glared. "Let go of my fucking hand."

He just hung onto it tighter.

"You don't have the right to touch me, douche bag. Let go," I repeated.

I had a sudden visual of Jake and Edward both pulling me until I ripped down the middle.

"Bella said that she doesn't want you to touch her. Don't make me hurt you again, Edward," Rosalie's voice said.

I suddenly realized her presence. She was standing behind Jasper, leaning against my doorway and glaring at Edward. I remembered that she was with me in the ambulance. With me to hear Edward's admission of sleeping with a stripper. No wonder she looked even more pissed off than I was.

Edward looked at her for about two seconds before dropping my hand. He drew a long breath, his nostrils flaring.

Everybody aside from myself, Rosalie, and Emmett looked confused as hell. Understandably, too.

"Look, I want to make this clear to everyone," I spoke. They all looked at me and I shifted uncomfortably. "Edward and I are not a couple. Capisce?"

Alice looked like Christmas had been cancelled. "Are you kidding me? You both are madly in love with each other and are being too stupid to realize it!"

Edward looked particularly ashamed by Alice's outburst because we both knew that _he _was too stupid to realize it. I'd already admitted to being in love with him. The asshole had missed his chance.

"Well, why don't you ask Edward where he was three nights ago?" I suggested bitterly.

Edward's eye flashed to mine. "I was upset and I was coping the only way I knew how," he defended.

I snorted. "Excuses."

Alice looked between us. "Edward, where _were _you?"

He didn't answer.

"At a strip club, having sex with some sort of whore," I supplied for him.

Jake made a growling noise. "What the hell is wrong with you, Cullen?" He demanded.

"You don't know anything about it, so fuck off, Black," Edward replied.

"No, I won't fuck off. I really like Bella and if you keep on acting like a dipshit and hurting her, I'm going to make _you _fuck off."

He scoffed. "I'm not going anywhere."

Jake stood. "Get out of her fucking room. Bella doesn't want you here."

As pleased as I was that Jake was defending me, I really thought that no matter who fought who, both of them were going to get hurt.

"Don't fucking speak for, Bella! You have no idea what she wants!"

"The hell I don't. I have a better idea of what she wants than you do."

"She wants _me,_" Edward growled.

"Then why doesn't she want you to touch her? Why was she kissing me just a few minutes ago?"

Edward's jaw clenched. "Because she's on medication right now and she has impaired judgment."

My nostrils flared. My judgment wasn't impaired.

"Yeah, right. You just can't stand the idea that maybe she prefers me over you!" Jake accused.

"Both of you shut up!" I yelled. This was getting insane. They both froze and looked at me. "Listen, I can talk for myself, you know?"

Edward looked smug when I said that because it proved him right on one of his arguments.

"Edward, Jake's right. I don't want you in my room. I don't want you anywhere near me. I haven't done a thing to deserve all of the shit you throw at me and I'm done with it. I want you to leave."

His expression fell, but his eyes looked into mine intensely.

I tried crossing my legs because I felt an embarrassing amount of wetness form between my thighs at just that look, but I couldn't because of my cast and my ankle splint.

"Bella," He whispered my name as if he was speaking just to me, as if everyone else had disappeared. Unfortunately, I couldn't forget everybody else because Jake was clenching down on my hand painfully.

Edward took a step closer and slowly reached for me. His hands cupped either side of my bruised face gently enough that I didn't feel the pain. I tried clenching my thighs together harder.

And he finally said what I'd been wanting to hear all along.

"I love you."

His verdant green irises focused solely on mine, earnest and sincere.

My heart rate monitor beeped uncontrollably. I felt my whole body become paralyzed. I couldn't decide what I was feeling overall aside from being struck dumb. I couldn't feel my fingertips anymore because of how tightly Jake was holding my hand.

First I was happy because he'd finally said it. But then I was pissed off. Who the hell gave him the right to say that _now? _What fucking right did he have? You can't just say that a few days after having sex with a stripper! Albeit, the stripper was apparently because of the pain I'd caused him, but really.

"Edward," I said. "You have the official worst timing in the history of the world."

His whole demeanor deflated and I knew that he realized how late those three words had been in being delivered. His window of opportunity had long since passed.

"Bells, give the man a fucking chance," Emmett spoke up.

It occurred to me that we had an entire audience to Edward's admission. Five other people aside from myself to judge Edward's feelings. My eyes snapped to Emmett for a moment before sweeping the crowd.

"As glad as I am to see all of you," I said quietly. "I'm kicking you all out. I think that Edward and I need to have a little talk."

Jake's hand was still clamped down on mine. He didn't move.

"Please, Jake," I said.

The dark brown of his eyes got even darker. Standing, he offered me a weak smile. "Remember our date. As soon as you get out of here, I'll take you on a date somewhere, ok?" With that final strand of words, he followed the others out, closing the sliding glass door behind him.

Edward took the seat Jake had just occupied.

I didn't speak for a moment, still trying to comprehend what exactly had just been said. "Why now?" I finally asked.

Edward grimaced. "I thought you were going to die, Bella." He winced at having to say the words. "I thought that . . . well, that you'd be gone. And it never occurred to me just how much it would kill me. I never had to think through it. But suddenly we were in that situation and I realized that I didn't want to live without you."

My breath caught. I struggled to contain the emotions that were churning inside me. Gritting my teeth, I managed to say in an inside voice, "You don't want to live without me and yet you seem determined to put me through hell."

"It's never my intention."

I lost it. "Intention?! What about your fucking intentions?! They don't matter. Actions are what matter, Edward. And thus far, you've managed to sleep with a stripper. I don't know what you want me to say anymore."

His eyes closed and his nostrils flared for a moment before he calmed down. "I want you to say what you said in the stairwell, right before you went into unconsciousness. That's what I want you to say to me, Bella."

I frowned, struggling to recall those hazy, pain-filled moments.

At the sight of my confused face, Edward's face fell. "You don't remember."

"What did I say?"

He leaned forward in his chair. "You said that you wanted to tell me something before you died. You wanted me to know that you loved me."

That sounded vaguely familiar. I'd always been a sap like that. "That was before I knew about the stripper in addition to your other indiscretions."

He leaned even closer, looking like he'd tip the chair if he kept going. "Bella, you thought you were going to die. You thought so. And knowing that, you made sure that the last words you ever said, were 'I love you'. That has to count for something."

I squirmed, suddenly uncomfortable. The memory was coming back to me. I'd been delirious with agony. "No, it _doesn't _have to count," I argued. "You know something? I really like Jake. He makes me feel happy."

"It doesn't matter," Edward declared.

"Of course it matters! Happiness matter, Edward."

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

"And why not?"

"Because of this," Edward said, suddenly dipping his head and making our mouths mesh together.

I really, really, _really _wanted to smack him away, but I couldn't help but compare.

Jake made me feel overheated and tingly.

Edward made me feel like I was an inferno and like fireworks were exploding underneath my skin.

His lips hungrily sought mine out, sucking and nibbling and licking. That delicious mess of copper hair called to me and I wrung my fingers into it aggressively, kissing him with force.

Edward Cullen loved me. And I loved him. Yes, I hated him, too. But for now, I loved him more than I hated him.

A knock on the door interrupted our kissing fest. We broke apart, gasping for breath, to find a doctor in a lab coat holding a clipboard.

Her coat was almost blinding, but she looked friendly enough. She strode forward, giving Edward and I a look at the scene we'd been caught it. "It would probably be best if you didn't move too much for a few weeks," she advised, her tone saying that there would be no sex for me.

I blushed.

"I'm Dr. Sue Clearwater," she said politely, sticking out a hand for her introduction. Both Edward and I shook it quickly. "Now, I'm afraid that we can only allow family members to stay for this." Her eyes settled on Edward.

"I'm her husband," he said without hesitation.

My jaw dropped, but I tried not to act too surprised in front of the doctor.

She frowned. "Her marital status says single on the files."

"We got married very recently," he lied some more.

Dr. Clearwater finally shrugged and continued on. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

I frowned. "Lots of pain."

She nodded understandingly. "We'll get you some painkillers in just a second. I need to tell you about a few things first."

"Ok."

"First off, do you remember what happened?"

I nodded. "I was running down the stairs," my eyes flashed to Edward, "because I was in a hurry and I lost my footing. I passed out a few minutes after falling."

She nodded again. "Well, from what we've been able to observe, you have several broken ribs, a broken arm, and a sprained wrist and ankle. Aside from that, you have some bruising of the tissue at varying places, so expect some definite soreness from that."

I winced at the vastness of my collection of injuries.

"However, when we went to take a blood and urine test, we came across a . . . complication." She frowned.

My heart sped up. What kind of complication? What the hell was wrong with me?

"It says on your medical history that you recently had a pregnancy test done. Bella, are you familiar with the term 'false positive'?"

The blood drained from my face as I slowly nodded.

"We wanted to do an x-ray, but we're permitted by law to make sure that you're not pregnant beforehand and accidentally expose the baby to radiation," she explained.

Her words weren't computing in my brain.

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"You're pregnant."

**********

**This is the part in the story where I, self-proclaimed Queen of the Cliffies, ascend to my throne and get a freaking huge crown placed on my head.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Ladies and gents, gents and ladies, I'm very happy to announce that this chapter has gotten more reviews than any of the others -- almost two-hundred. I'm extremely happy about that fact. And I'd like it to be known that I want praise and adoration for managing to post another chapter (3K+ words) at 1: 00 AM on a school night simply for the sake of your reading pleasure.**

**I'd also like to thank all of you for such positive support. I read every single comment. Aside from a few verbal bashings here or there, I got a great response to that last chapter, so thanks so much to all of you wonderful readers out there that brighten my day by taking the time to type out just a few nice words. It really means so much to me.**

**I'm afraid that this chapter is rather anticlimactic in comparison to the last one, but keep in mind that Bella's insanely drugged up. DrugaBella is one of my new favorites to write. That has to count for something. :)**

**Read on, my lovelies!**

She looked at me patiently for a reaction to the news.

I didn't have one. Everything, my expression included, froze. The only thing that belied my indifference was my heart rate monitor. It sputtered wildly.

I felt a pressure on my hand and looked down. Edward was squeezing my fingers gently. I stared at our conjoined hands for a moment, analyzing the contact. He hadn't run off yet. He hadn't said a word. Hadn't ordered an abortion like you'd order a dinner. That had to be a good sign, right?

I looked back up at the doctor. "Um, could you please repeat that?" Just to make sure I wasn't hearing things.

"You had the opposite of a false positive on your pregnancy test. It was a false negative. You're pregnant," Dr. Clearwater explained again.

Swallowing, I asked in a meek voice, "What?" It still didn't seem to be processing in my mind. I couldn't understand. Dr. Aro couldn't have been wrong. I mean, I took the test. It was ninety-nine-point-nine percent accurate or something like that. I couldn't be pregnant.

"You're pregnant," she repeated.

I flinched. "Oh god," I suddenly moaned, wrenching my hand out of Edward's grasp so that I could cover my face and the sudden tears that were flooding down my face. "No, no, no, no, no!"

"Would you like to talk about your options, Bella?" Dr. Clearwater asked gently. "You don't have to keep the fetus. You're only about three weeks along. Generally, the cut-off for abortion is eight weeks."

I started shaking my head before she was even finished. I didn't believe in abortion. I hated the very thought of it.

"If that doesn't appeal to you, you may give up the baby for adoption."

I stopped wailing for a moment. Adoption was certainly better than abortion. I could make sure that the baby went to a loving family, one that was better than the dysfunctional life I led. I could barely even conduct my own affairs, let alone add something to take care of that would be completely dependent on me.

Dr. Clearwater, sensing my hesitation over adoption, suddenly started going into more detail about it. "You'll have to complete a medical history and lots of questionnaires and registration forms, but it's worth it for finding a good family. You could interview couples wanting to adopt until you decide whom you'd like as the parents."

I found myself nodding. It wasn't like I'd be abandoning the baby. I'd be finding it a happy home.

Edward's hand suddenly found mine again and for the first time since we'd been interrupted kissing, I looked at his face. He looked stricken and upset.

"Bella, no," he said firmly. "This is our kid we're talking about here. We're just going to pass _our child _off to strangers and _hope _they do a good job."

His fervent words surprised me even more than when he'd told me he loved me. What the hell had changed? Before, he'd been the one vying for an abortion. Now, after he'd slept with the stripper, he wanted to keep the baby?

I was suddenly angry. Just because he'd suddenly decided he loved me didn't give him a free pass at redemption. This wasn't Monopoly. There wasn't a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. As far as I was concerned, Edward was in the doghouse indefinitely because I'd have to be nearing sainthood to willingly forgive him for all of his sexual misconducts. He had absolutely no right or say in the choices I made.

I yanked my hand out of his. "Edward, get out of this fucking room."

He looked confused, having not been privy to my thought process.

"Ma'am, this is a choice that husband and wife should make together," Dr. Clearwater cautioned, looking confused herself.

I snorted. "Husband, yeah right. The day I marry Edward Cullen is the day I jump off a cliff," I declared, irrationally angry. Well, maybe rationally. He _had _slept with a stripper after all. What happened if I did get back together with him and we got into an argument or something? Would he just go to the nearest strip club to "cope" with things?

Edward's face contorted into a distinctly hurt expression and I'd seen him look so vulnerable only once before in my life time, and that was when he'd run away from home and asked me if he could live with me. "Bella, I love you," he said quietly. "I'm sorry for everything that I've done."

"Get out," I repeated in a lethal whisper.

"Whatever you want, love," he murmured sadly. Miraculously, he stood up and slumped out of the room.

Poor Dr. Clearwater looked extremely baffled at this point, but she plodded on bravely. "As I was saying, adoption is a good choice if you don't want to keep the baby. I'll need a medical history from both you and the father of the baby. That can wait though. I'm sure that you're in a great deal of pain. I'm going to give you some sedatives that won't harm the baby and you can begin to heal."

I hadn't noticed the pain until she'd brought it up. I'd been too focused on my anger and the panic I felt in my chest. But now that it was central in my mind, everything began to ache and burn.

Dr. Clearwater slipped a syringe out of her pocket and stabbed it into my IV. A feeling of heaviness spread through my limbs and I felt my body go limp.

"Um, doctor?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Yes?"

"Is the baby ok? From the fall I mean?"

"Yes, you were very lucky. Other problems may develop, but we'll be keeping a close eye on everything. As for now, though, everything's fine."

Some of the rock solid clenching in my chest eased at that and I fell asleep quickly.

*

A garbled tangle of vowels and consonants wove around my ears, none of which I could understand except for a few phrases.

". . . this is up to her . . ."

". . . Black, butt out. This isn't any of your business . . ."

". . . not any of yours either, Cullen . . ."

My eyelids worked open of their own accord and I tried focusing on my surroundings.

Edward and Jake were both standing at the foot of my bed, looking about two seconds away from fisticuffs. Both were leaning forward into each other's personal spaces, sticking their chests out. Jake had a good six inches on Edward.

"Both of you need to shut up," I whined. "Some people are trying to sleep here." I proceeded to close my eyes again because sleep seemed to be a much more inviting prospect at the moment.

I was drugged up with painkillers, but not enough to ignore the sense of something important. I knew that I was going to have to face something unpleasant if I remained conscious, though I couldn't remember exactly what. Therefore, I tried embrace the sedatives again.

"Bells, you're awake!" Jake exclaimed.

I frowned and opened my eyes again. "I don't know what is going on right now, but I'm certain that I don't want to have any part in it."

Jake took my hand and I let him. It was calloused and warm, soothing to me somehow. "I'm sorry for waking you, sweetheart, but I think it's best if you're awake anyway."

My eyes flicked between Jake and Edward suspiciously. "Why are you two fighting again?"

"Black is trying to stick his nose where it doesn't belong, yet again," Edward said through clenched teeth.

I got this image of Jake's nose, but gigantic, hopping around and trying to peek through curtains or something. I started giggling, god knows why.

Then I remembered that I was on drugs that altered a person's behavior. Oh joy. I was crazy enough when around Edward. Now I had medicine. Shit.

"What's funny, Bella?" Edward sounded peeved.

"Noses," I gasped through my laughs. "Oh my god, Edward. Noses. That's so hilarious." My eyes found the ceiling and I stared upward at it for a long time, not sure what I was looking at, letting out the occasional titter.

Both Jake and Edward looked up with me, perhaps wondering what I found so interesting.

"What the hell do they have you on, Bells?" Jake asked concernedly.

I shrugged. "I don't know, but I want some more. I feel fucking awesome." I gave another grin. No pain whatsoever. I didn't give a fuck about anything in the world at the moment.

"That can't be good for the baby," Edward frowned.

I looked down from the ceiling, frowning as well. "What baby?"

Everything clicked into place through my hazy brain. My drugs suddenly felt completely ineffectual against the blind fury that was roiling inside me.

"Oh shit! Shit! Shit! Fuck! Damn it!" My fingers moved downwards and cradled my stomach as best they could given the fact that my midsection was wrapped in plaster from my broken ribs. "Edward, I'm going to murder you!" I screeched, throwing back my blankets and trying to get out my bed to charge at him.

I'd forgotten the full extent of my injuries because I quickly fell flat on my face. I winced and rolled to my side, curling in on myself and starting to cry. Life sucked big time.

Jake ripped from the room, calling for a nurse desperately while Edward knelt by my side.

"Bella, what hurts?"

"Everything," I blubbered. "Why do I have to be pregnant? I don't even know if I love you more than I hate you anymore. You fucked a stripper, Edward. A stripper." It was probably a combination of my painkillers and my pain, but the verbal diarrhea wouldn't cease. "What kind of human being does that? I know that I told you it was over and that you were technically eligible for anonymous pussy galore, but you should know by now that I'm out of my mind. What if we fight and I tell you it's over again and you go out and find a stripper again or go back to Tanya? I can't deal with that. It's not fair to me. You're such a bastard sometimes. I don't know why I love you. It doesn't make sense. All you do is hurt me."

Edward seemed to be struck speechless by my monologue.

A team of nurses suddenly swooped down like blessed angels, armed with green scrubs and more sedatives. God had been in a good mood when he invented painkillers. I lost track of everything and it all became background noise to me, a lulling soundtrack. I was out cold before a full minute had passed.

*

". . . sure about it this time?"

" . . . tests . . . positive . . ."

". . . Charlie won't like this . . ."

Yeesh, again with the damn dialogue! Wouldn't anybody let me sleep around here?

I slowly came to at the sound of Charlie's name. An unprecedented horror filled me at the thought of him visiting. Not that I didn't want to see him, but he was a cop. It was his job to interrogate people. Not to mention I couldn't lie for shit. Somebody was going to let it slip that I was pregnant and Charlie would get out his shotgun. Bullets would fly and Edward would end up in the hospital bed next to me with gunshot wounds. And there was no way in hell I was going to share a room with Edward. I'd be too tempted to smother him to death with his hospital standardized issue itchy pillow. Or even worse, Charlie would put him in the morgue himself, leaving me without the satisfaction of murdering Edward myself. Or what if Charlie got put in prison? I'd have to bail him out and I didn't really have that much savings. Well, I supposed I could always ask Edward, but I didn't want him to think he could just buy his way out of forgiveness. Because he couldn't. What he'd done was completely reprehensible and disgusting and morally wrong and . . . and . . . and . . . and did I mention that I was still on loopy pain meds?

_Christ, you need to get off the drugs, Bella, _Ben warned.

_The hell she does, _Jerry grinned lazily, enjoying the chemically induced trip he was taking.

And here I'd been hoping that maybe I'd concussed myself into losing the BJ therapy. I sighed internally.

My thoughts were in this strange cyclone of meaningless jabber that seemed perfectly sensible to me. And I knew something was wrong when I thought I was being sensible.

"Hey, Bella! Are you awake?" Alice asked. I recognized her overly chipper voice immediately. Weren't there regulations against that tone of voice in a hospital? Somebody was probably dying next door and Alice was smiling like it had been her life's dream just to see my eyes open.

"Getting there," I muttered. Squinting against that harsh fluorescents bulbs, I looked up at Alice. There's a phrase you don't say too often. It's almost physically impossible to look _up _to Alice.

Emmett's hulking form was in the room as well. I just had to look up at him more than usual. I'd probably give myself permanent spinal damage in my neck from the awkward angle I had to bend at just to see his face.

"Hey, butter cup. What's shaking?"

"Can you please speak in phrases that are still currently heard in America?" I requested, fighting a sudden headache.

Emmett grinned. "No can do, princess. It annoys the hell out of that Rose chick so I have to keep this up."

"Remind me why you're annoying Rosalie."

His grin fell and yet again, Emmett's hands moved to cover his balls. "Let's just say that she inflicted some _physical _pain on me," he grimaced. "And since I would never stoop so low as to hit a woman outside of some bedroom spanking, I'm inflicting _verbal _pain."

Ok. Rosalie and had kicked Emmett where it hurt and now he was lashing out at her. Great. "Why did she hit you in the first place?"

When Emmett wasn't immediately forthcoming with his answer, Alice stepped in. "He tried his usual moves on her and it didn't work." She rolled her eyes.

I rolled mine as well.

"Enough about me, honeybunch, what's crack-a-lackin' with you?" I wasn't sure where he got all of these pet names, but it was starting to freak me out a bit.

"I want more meds," I whined.

"Don't go all drug addict on us, Bella," Alice pleaded, looking seriously concerned.

I snorted. "I'm in pain in case you haven't noticed. I'd never let myself get caught up in all that." Eager to change the subject, I proceeded to ask, "So what was that I heard about Charlie?"

"He's driving up to see you. He'll be here in about twenty minutes. Emmett and I were just coming in to wake you."

Um, can anyone say, "Holy shit! Holy shit shit shit shit shit shit!"

I stared down Alice's too-innocent eyes and knew that there was more to their agenda than simply waking me up to mortify me with news of unexpected visits. "Spill it," I ordered warily.

"Are-you-really-pregnant?" Alice asked in a rush, looking like she'd just averted a bomb going off by getting that question off her chest.

"From what the doctor told me, yeah. I'm about as knocked up as a knocked up person can be." I wasn't sure if that sentence made sense or not, but I was going to blame it on the drugs.

"Good to know," Emmett laughed. It didn't sound right, his laughter.

"There's something you aren't telling me," I accused, eyes narrowing. I maybe have been drugged, but I wasn't completely clueless.

Emmett toed the ground. "Well, um, Edward sort of . . . well, he's kind of in jail right now. He got into a fight with Jake and got charged with battery and assault. That's sort of why Charlie's coming up as well. He's going to get Edward out of jail."

My jaw dropped. Edward was in jail. Holy fuck. He'd been the annoying know-it-all when we were in school together that never set a toe over the line. How the hell had he ended up in jail? "Wait, does that mean that both Jake _and _Edward are in jail right now?"

Emmett shook his head. "Edward was the instigator. I mean, Jake sort of egged him on. He was saying some stuff, Bells. But Jake didn't do anything to even defend himself. I think he wanted Edward to hit him so that you'll see him as some sort of hero."

My frown deepened. Jake was just complicating things. I truly liked him, but he wasn't improving matters at all. I was already in a metaphorical crock of bullshit without the unwelcomed addition of fistfights and jail time hanging over my head. I was broken like a poorly cared for China doll and pregnant to boot. And no, not only pregnant, but pregnant with Edward's child. Edward, the man who'd "cheated" on me with his skankalicious ex-girlfriend and a stripper.

Yeah, my life was just fucking fantastic at the moment, thanks for asking.

I groaned internally.

I wanted another sedative.

*****

**Let's hear what Charlie has to say in the next chapter!**

**I, Queen of the Cliffies, shall now luxuriate in the royal bed chambers until next time. Good night, folks.**


	22. Chapter 22

**I really must apologize. I know that I took my sweet time in updating, but real life has been way more awesome than fiction recently. I won't go into it because you people probably just want to read the story without this excrucatingly boring author's note. **

**And not to mention that some of you may be serial killers and I don't want to give out too much information, lest you track me down and attempt to kill me.**

**Ok, just kidding about that.**

**So anyway, life has been freaking awesome for me and I haven't really gotten around to my laptop to type anything up. Rest assured that I plan to finish this story, but if the updates are few and far between, it's because I'm probably off somewhere, being extremely happy. **

**Ok, I'm done rambling. Read on!**

**I own nothing, just FYI.**

*

It wasn't even twenty minutes later when Charlie stormed in. And I mean that literally. I felt as if dark rain clouds could have followed him around and they wouldn't have been out of place.

"Bells, I don't care how long it takes, but you're going to explain," Charlie nearly growled at me, his moustache twitching. He didn't say what I was supposed to explain.

Charlie and I barely kept contact. A phone call here or there, maybe an odd visit. But my moving out had created a gap between us. I'd gotten my own place when I was sixteen and got a job with Carlisle's company, knowing that he'd take care of me financially. The decision had been caused by my feeling of suffocation at home. So I'd dropped out of high school, skipped college altogether, and got a job. Charlie and I had grown apart. Therefore, he hadn't been present for the drama that ensued from the "Caught-Bella-Masturbating" debacle with Edward. I'd intended to keep it that way considering the fact that I was ashamed enough as it was without the added judgmental opinions of my father. However, someone seemed to have informed Charlie of my . . . actions.

I opted for the innocent route, something that worked well considering that I looked like someone had beaten me up with a baseball bat. "What do you mean 'explain', Dad?"

His eyes narrowed. He pointed at my stomach accusingly.

Ok, someone had filled him in _way_ too much.

Another visitor filed into my room and I suddenly knew _exactly _who had spilled the beans to Charlie.

Edward.

My eyes narrowed like Charlie's had, but this time directed at a rather ruffled looking Edward. Apparently prison hadn't treated him well. With his pretty boy stature, he had probably become somebody's bitch within the first twenty minutes.

Then I started laughing. Hard. Like, fully blown belly laughs. As sadistic as it was, the thought of some greasy guy raping Edward was atrociously funny. Like the perfect Karma revenge. I wanted to see him in pain, I think. To see him suffer as much as I had been these past few weeks.

Charlie and Edward both looked confused at my laughing fit, even as I wiped the tears from my eyes from cackling so hard.

"It's the meds they have her on," Edward whispered to Charlie in explanation.

However, Charlie merely glared at him and Edward flinched back.

I realized why. If Charlie knew I was pregnant, then he knew that Edward was the father.

When Edward had moved in with me, Charlie had been completely against it. The only reason he hadn't come up there himself to kick Edward out was because I'd plied him with the assurance that we were purely platonic friends. And at that point in time, we were. But I was sure that Charlie saw my impregnation from Edward as a huge violation of that trust.

"You told Charlie?" I hissed at Edward when my laughter had died out.

"I had to or else he wouldn't let me out of jail," Edward defended.

I'd forgotten how truly effective Charlie's interrogative techniques were. I'd never gotten away with anything as a child and apparently, I wasn't getting away with anything even as an adult.

"Leave the room," Charlie ordered Edward. "I need to have a long talk with my daughter." I cringed.

Edward didn't even hesitate in doing exactly as my father commanded. It was almost pathetic and I wondered what Charlie had done to him or if perhaps he really _had _been somebody's bitch.

Edward slid the door closed behind him and my fingernails bit into my palms at the sight of Charlie rubbing his moustache, a sure sign that I was about to undergo some questioning.

"So, Isabella, would you care to tell me why the boy that you _promised me _was just a friend has managed to get you pregnant?" His tone was biting.

I flinched. Was he really going to play cop with me when a large portion of my body was concealed with plaster? How fucking cruel was that? I was _so_ not going to send him the "World's Best Dad" mug for Father's Day anymore.

Charlie waited, his eyes unblinking.

"Stuff happens sometimes," I said lamely, wondering how exactly I could spin this tale to cover my ass. Charlie was scary sometimes.

He scoffed at me.

"Ugh, what do you want to hear from me?"

"I want to know how this happened," he said cryptically.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, when a male sperm cell fertilizes the female egg –," I began.

Charlie cut me off with a glare.

"We had sex, Dad. Is that what you want to know? I'm sure you were holding out for Immaculate Conception."

He let out a long breath. "What happened, Bells?" His tone changed. Softer and less of a police officer.

I sighed and looked away. Fuck if I knew.

_You fell in love, _Ben said quietly.

_And had lots of animal sex with him, _Jerry added with a snicker. Bastard.

"I have no idea, Dad. No idea. Everything turned physical in about two seconds flat."

Charlie sighed heavily. "So what's the game plan?"

I shrugged. "I'm giving up the baby. When I first thought I was pregnant, I thought that I could handle a baby, you know? Edward and I could be friends and we could raise a kid together." I shook my head at the juvenile, naïve plan. It seemed so idiotic in retrospect. "I can't be friends with that man anymore."

**(I'm inserting an A/N here because I'm almost sure to get comments about this. Yes, I know Bella's all over the place with her decisions. I know. I have two words: She's crazy. Not to mention that I'm crazy as well. I struggle to keep my plotline sane, relevant, and coherent when I do absolutely no pre-planning at all and just wing it. So give both Bella and myself a break, okay? Thanks, MsSailorman.)**

"What do you mean?"

"My feelings are all over the place. I love him and I hate him and I want to claw his throat out and I want to protect him. There's no middle ground here. So I have no clue what I'm doing. He says he loves me," I added quietly.

Poor Charlie looked like he was about to have a heart attack. Thank god we were in a hospital. "L-love?" He gasped.

_Smooth going, Swan, _Jerry sneered.

_He's your father. He has a right to now, _Ben added.

"Um, yeah."

"What the hell happened? I visited you two months ago and everything was normal. Now you're pregnant and in love. H-how . . . just how?"

My fingers nervously fiddled with the blanket that was huddled around me. I spent an eternity avoiding his eyes.

_Well, I was feeling really horny, so I started masturbating to this porno about vampires and Edward walked in. After that, we had unprotected sex. So yeah, I'm pregnant now and just for the record, Edward is an asshole the vast majority of the time. Oh, and don't ask if he's going to be your son-in-law through marriage. Don't even go near that can of worms._

Yeah, that conversation would go over really well.

_You're so fucked, _Jerry snickered.

_I usually disagree with Jerry, but he's right. You're screwed, _Ben admitted.

I groaned internally. Even the voices in my head knew something was up.

"Isabella," he warned.

I looked into his face. "Dad," I said seriously. "You don't want to know." He looked about to argue and I repeated. "You. Don't. Want. To. Know."

He winced and nodded.

I feared for his health if ever he heard about the extenuating circumstances in which I had come to be pregnant. There were some things that parents should never know.

"When's the wedding?" he asked gruffly.

My eyes narrowed. In the name of all that's holy, why did everybody just _assume _we were getting married? This was America for god's sake! Women had rights now, or hadn't Charlie been informed. Yes, having a baby out of wedlock wasn't exactly the most respectable thing, but dear lord; I thought we'd ascended from the cast roles of women as the busy housewives.

"Bella, this isn't about turning you into a housewife," Charlie interrupted.

_You were speaking out loud, dumbass, _Jerry informed me. Gee, thanks for telling me _now._

Ben frowned at Jerry's language.

"Dad, we're not getting married. Ok? We're not."

Charlie's eyebrows rose up. "That's not what Edward told me."

I would have loved a video camera at that moment to tape the expression on my face. I wasn't sure what it was, but it couldn't have been pretty or easy to decipher. I just knew that in the course of two seconds, I felt rage, happiness, rage, utter shock, rage, bliss, and more rage.

"What?" I asked, seething.

"He said that he was going to propose."

"And he told you this when?"

"When I got him out of jail. I made him answer a few questions I had before I let him out. I've never been so shocked in all my life." Charlie's moustache twisted in disapproval.

My eyes zeroed in on the movement. What had I done with my life? I'd gone from being a single, independent businesswoman for a large corporation to being in the hospital, pregnant, and about ready to strangle the father of the baby. Maybe it was just me, but that seemed like a bad thing.

And I disappointed Charlie.

I disappointed him.

Fuck.

Charlie started to look panicked. "Bells, don't cry. Oh god, please don't cry. I don't handle tears well."

I hadn't realized I'd started crying until he tried patting my head in comfort. Of course, that almost broke me. I didn't feel worthy to have him comfort me. I was such a fuck up. This wasn't the course I'd planned for my life.

Charlie, a trained cop who had shot someone before, was completely defenseless and ineffectual against tears. Therefore, he called in the nurse desperately.

She offered to bring in one of the hospital's counselors to come and talk to me.

But there was one person that was on my list of people to talk to, and he was sitting in the waiting room.

Edward.

If he had kept his fat mouth shut just once, I wouldn't have a disappointed father hovering over my bed, shaking his head at every single one of my decisions. I'd let go of the fact that he'd told Alice and Emmett and his parents. I'd accepted that. But Charlie was _my _father and Edward had overstepped the boundary line of common sense.

Yes, I wanted to talk to Edward.

And when I say talk, I meant that I wanted to strangle him with my IV tube.

*

**Um, let's just say that Edward is going to have another one of his foot-in-mouth moments next chapter. I have to say, at this point, I'm beginning to feel bad for his balls. They're going to take a beating.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hello! I'm back. So sorry about the wait. I've found my own personal Edward and I've been caught up in it all. Due to the greatness of my own life at the moment, Bella and Edward are just going to have to suck it up and get together soon because it's kind of hard to write them apart now with my current state of mind. I want them to feel the love.**

**Leave me a review!**

**I own the crazy plot, but Stephenie Meyer owns pretty much everything else.**

****

"Listen lady, I just want to talk to Edward," I bit out, trying to restrain my temper at the nurse.

"All right. But I think you two should talk with a counselor present." The nurse in deep purple scrubs disappeared before I could argue.

Oh great. How did she even know who Edward was? I'd never met this woman before.

Charlie gave me a long stare. "Bella, this conversation isn't over."

"Actually," I snapped. "It is. I don't have to defend myself. You have a grandchild on the way and you're going to have to accept it."

He gave me the patented cop stare that made me shiver.

But I stared back just as stubbornly, trying not to blink. I was not a child anymore, despite the fact that I acted like one a vast majority of the time. But that was completely beside the point.

A knock on the door broke us out of our staring competition.

A blonde woman with icy blue eyes walked in front of Edward into my room. Her heels looked lethal and her bleach white lab coat swirled around her shapely legs. Having gone without the benefit of a shower for about three or four days and being bruised and wrapped in plaster, I felt completely unfeminine. Having this sickeningly perfect woman around knocked my self-esteem down a huge step.

"Hello, I'm a counselor here. Call me Irina." She held her hand out for me to shake and I just stared at it, knowing full well that the exertion of trying to shake her hand would hurt my ribs.

She gave me a weird look and then turned her eyes to Charlie. "I'd like to speak with Edward and Bella, please."

How the fuck did she know my name? Just how? Crazy stalker. I glared at her.

Charlie hesitated and then left, giving Edward the "I'm-watching-you" sign by pointing two fingers towards his eyes and then one at Edward. _Well, I'm glad to see that some of us have matured beyond terrible clichés._

The second the door shut, Irina started the interrogation.

"Now, why don't you two tell me how you came to be in this situation? Please keep in mind that you have full confidentiality here." Her tone was expectant and her eyes turned to Edward.

He swallowed. "Um, Bella and I have been friends for a long time." He gave me a quick glance to see my reaction.

I wanted this over, so I just went for the edited version. "Listen, lady. We did some stupid things because I'm an immature dipshit half of the time and now I'm pregnant. Ok?"

She blinked, completely collected. "And you want to give up the baby, correct?"

I nodded. "As I _just said, _I'm immature and I know it, ok? I can't handle a kid. I want a good family for this baby and maybe, if I get my act together, then I'll be a part of its life. But I'm not equipped for parenthood."

"You do realize that both parents have to make the decision for adoption, right? Due to the legal restrictions, both of you must agree to this."

My eyes narrowed while Edward looked like he'd won some sort of lottery prize. I had the urge to punch him. I wondered if drugs made people more violent than usual.

"Not to mention that you're obviously not in a very clear state of mind right now," Irina added, giving my IV an almost suspicious look. "This is a very serious decision. You should be responsible about it."

"So we have to keep the baby if I say so?" Edward asked, a grin forming. What the hell was wrong with him? He was all over the place. (Who does that remind you of?) Why did he want the baby now? He'd slept with a stripper for god's sake! You just don't switch between man whore and fatherhood in a matter of days. It's not possible.

"Not necessarily," Irina said. "It's a matter of circumstances. You'd have to talk to a social worker about that. I'm here to help you through the emotions of it all."

Well, considering my emotions went ape shit every few seconds, maybe Irina would actually prove to be helpful.

"Now, would you like to tell me about this in more detail?" she prompted.

And that was it. Suddenly the whole story was spewing forth from my mouth. And I mean the _whole story. _From the getting-caught-masturbating thing to the seduction of Edward to the seduction of Jake to Edward and the stripper up to the point that I came to be in the hospital. In retrospect, I was a completely insane person. It was no wonder I'd be the world's worst mother. No, I wasn't abandoning the kid. I was doing it a favor.

I had to give kudos to Irina. Through all of the horror and gore of our pathetic, little tale, she didn't even bat an eye. I'm sure that internally, she was thinking how best to exit the room and lock me up in a mental institution, but on the outside, she had a fantastic poker face.

". . . and now I have this fucking huge collection of broken bones and I'm pregnant. So, yeah, that's the story," I finished eloquently. I blame it on the drugs.

There was silence for a moment while Edward looked on in horror. He couldn't believe I'd told the whole thing. But hey, we had confidentiality, so what the hell. Maybe Irina would tell me what to do. She seemed like a smart cookie.

"Well, it's not the most conventional way of conception, but I've heard worse," she assured us. I almost didn't believe her due to the fact that it seemed impossible that there could be someone out there crazier than Edward and I were. "I'd recommend you two having a very long talk. I'll come back in a few hours, ok?"

With a swish of her white coat, she was out the door again. _Well, thanks for all the help, bitch._

She was probably calling the authorities.

Edward slowly turned to me from where he stood. He hadn't sat down once the entire time. "We're supposed to talk," he muttered.

"So talk then."

"Fine, I will."

"Good."

He sighed. "Look, I want to keep the baby."

"Why?"

He sighed again because sighing just once wasn't enough. "Because."

"Since when has 'because' been a legitimate reason?" I demanded.

Edward ran a hand through his hair. "Stop being difficult."

"I have a right to be difficult. I'm the one that's pregnant here, not you."

"You think that makes it any easier on me?"

"Of course it does," I snapped. "You're not going to be getting fat in a few months."

"You won't be fat," he argued.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I'll just be packing an extra forty pounds or so. Not fat at all."

"Bella, stop. That's not what this is about. I'm talking about a baby's life. I want to keep the baby."

"Why?" I repeated.

"Because it's our kid, Bella! It's our own baby. We made a baby together. And you want to throw him away."

I was on the verge of arguing, but got distracted. "What do you mean 'him'?"

Edward shrugged. "I think it's going to be a boy."

"What if it's a girl?"

"Then it'll be a girl."

"Supposing we actually kept the baby, would you prefer a boy or a girl?" I couldn't help but ask. I'd never asked him this question before and it suddenly felt important.

"It doesn't matter to me."

"Bullshit."

He rolled his eyes. "It doesn't. Just as long as it's healthy, I don't care. We're getting off topic again. Why don't you want to keep the baby?"

"Because I think that the pair of us together means destruction and chaos and that it would be downright cruelty to inflict that upon a baby."

He flinched and looked hurt. "That's not true."

"The hell it isn't. Have you even noticed the fact that I'm in the hospital at the moment?"

"Of course I noticed. I've only been sleeping in the waiting room for the past three days," he scoffed. "Bella, think of before. Do you remember how good the sex was, how right it felt?"

"The sex doesn't matter if we can't function together to raise a kid."

"Bella, we function just fine. Everything has just gotten in the way. We've lived together for years and years, for Christ's sake!"

"Everything has gotten in the way?" I scoffed. "Are you fucking kidding me? That is not what happened at all!"

"Think about it. What got in the way the first time?"

"You being an asshole and saying that I meant nothing to you," I rattled off.

"That's because I felt loyalty to Tanya. And she's out of the picture now. What about the second time?"

"You got me pregnant," I glared.

"Which isn't necessarily a bad thing."

I wanted to argue with that, but I figured that I'd never understand his logic anyway.

"Then you cheated on me with Tanya."

"I wasn't cheating. We were friends at that point, remember?"

"You spent the entire week staring at my ass whenever I got up and you think we were just friends?! You can't just be friends after you fall into bed with someone, Edward. It doesn't work like that."

"I never meant for it to happen, Bella. It was a mistake. And as I've said, Tanya's out of the picture. What else got in the way of us being together?"

"The stripper," I spat. "You found it prudent to sleep with someone just because we had a fight over something."

Edward's teeth gritted. "It was more than a fight. I thought it was over. I was consoling myself."

"So what if you think it's over again and you try to _console _yourself again?"

"I won't," he answered simply.

"You say that now . . ."

"I won't," he repeated. "I learn from my mistakes and that was definitely a mistake. Now what else has kept us apart?"

"Isn't that reason enough?"

"No, it's not. Because I still want you."

"And that's your only defense for me not kicking you to the curb like I should be doing?" He was getting more and more ridiculous each time I tried to have a civilized conversation with him.

"Bella, I want to be with you."

"And I want a magical, unicorn pony that vomits rainbows, but that's not going to happen either, now is it?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Did they like, up your dose or something?"

"Shut up," I grumbled. "Just because you want me doesn't mean that you deserve a chance."

"So? Give me a chance that I don't deserve. One last chance. And don't just do it for me. Do it for the baby, Bella."

Oh, he was good. Using a kid against me like that. I stared into his pleading eyes.

My jaw clenched.

Cons:

He was a womanizer.

He wasn't exactly father material.

We bickered like an old, married couple.

He could break my heart.

Pros:

Handsome as hell.

Really good at sex.

Made me laugh when he wasn't being an asshole.

Had an ungodly amount of money.

I stared at him for a long time. The familiar features. I loved him.

_Goddamn it, Swan, you're an idiot, _Jerry snapped at me.

_I think it means something, _Ben said. _If you still love him after all of this, maybe he really is meant for you._

I remembered telling myself a while ago that I should have listened to Ben more. Maybe this was my chance. I mean, his name came first on the ice cream label for a reason, right?

"Fine," I suddenly blurted.

Edward's head popped up. "What?"

"Fine," I repeated.

"What?" he said again.

"Fine!" I shouted. "One more chance. I'm a complete idiot for this. Don't make me regret it. You're so lucky I'm on drugs right now. My rational brain wouldn't put up with this shit."

Edward smiled really widely. Considering the fact that he was really lacking in personal hygiene and he had stubble all over, his wide smile made him look somewhat deranged.

I offered a faint smile back.

"Bella, I love you so much."

I stared up at him. His eyes were genuine. I could tell he meant it. Or at least thought he did. "I love you, too," I admitted quietly.

He took my hand and leaned forward, his eyes closing. For a brief moment, I wondered what that stubble would feel like against my face as he kissed me.

"Edward," I called.

His green eyes opened.

"Let's take it slowly, ok? No more jumping into bed whenever we feel like it. We have to be responsible now."

His eyes drifted to look at my stomach and his hand patted it through the plaster of my brace. "How slow?" he murmured.

"I don't know," I said honestly. I'd never really instilled rules before. This was something new for me.

"Am I allowed to kiss you?" God, those wide eyes, looking at me with a pleading expression.

I shook my head slowly. "You have to earn my trust back. For now, we're just friends."

He nodded, but looked frustrated. "Right, friends. Friends that just happen to have had sex. No big deal. Oh, and friends that are also raising a kid together. Yeah, there's a good one. Just friends." He snorted and stood up.

"You don't have to leave," I muttered.

"Well, all of your other _friends _are waiting outside, so I should go join them."

I let out an angry breath. "Don't complain. You fucked up. Now deal with the consequences and be glad that I'm even allowing you to be part of my life."

"Bella, I –,"

"No. If you want to pout like a child, go right ahead. But don't do it in here." I crossed my arms – or rather, attempted to – and scowled.

He hesitated, one of his hands on the door. "I want more than friendship, Bella."

"Then earn it."

Edward sighed.

A knock startled me. People were coming and going from this room every two seconds, I swear.

Jake stood hulking in the doorway, looking at Edward in hate and surprise. "Who the hell bailed you out?"

Edward snorted. "Chief Swan."

Jake frowned and looked over Edward's shoulder at me. His face lit up in a smile. "How's it going, Bells?"

Scowling, I accused, "You put Edward in jail."

Trying to step around Edward to talk to me, Jake's smile melted. "Actually, he did that all by himself. It's not my fault he's temperamental."

Edward backed away from the door and let Jake through, giving him a deadly glare. "That's not what happened at all and you know it, Black."

Jake strutted to my side and sat in the chair at my bedside, tucking his hands behind his head and looking perfectly at ease. "It doesn't matter. You're out of jail anyway."

Edward, seething, turned to me. "He asked me if the baby was even mine. He said that you were, well . . . he said that you seemed quite eager when you two were making out. What made me so sure the baby was mine anyway?"

My eyes got really wide. I turned to Jake, agog. "You said that?"

"Well, it was the truth. I mean, does he even have a right to say what happens to the baby if it's not his?"

"I'm not a slut!"

"I never said that you were!" Jake defended quickly.

"No, you're just implying that I'm sleeping with two men at one time," I muttered sarcastically.

"I didn't say that, Bells. I just want to know if the baby is even Edward's."

I was about to say that of course it was Edward's baby, when I saw Edward's expression. He looked nervous and tense, waiting to hear my answer. He wasn't sure if it was his baby. What. The. Fuck.

"Edward, do you think the baby is yours?" I asked.

"Yeah, for the most part."

My mouth opened, poised to yell as many expletives as I could think of. I went for a more tactical approach though. "For the most part?" I repeated, my voice going up an octave.

Edward cringed, probably realizing that his answer was really stupid. "Well, I saw you kissing this fat ass," he pointed at Jake, "and wondered if there was anybody else. Emmett asked me for advice about getting a date with you."

I didn't answer him, but turned to Jake. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Go get Rose for me."

Jake shrugged and left the room.

"Bella, I'm sorry. It's just this little question in the back of my brain."

I didn't make eye contact with Edward and played with a thread of the blanket I was covered with, waiting for Rose to make an appearance.

"Bella, is everything ok?" Rose's voice asked me.

I looked up and beckoned her closer with my finger. She stood next to my bedside. I beckoned again. Closer.

"Would you be willing to help me out, Rose?" I breathed in her ear.

She nodded, looking confused. And still breathtakingly beautiful. It wasn't fair.

"Kick Edward in the balls for me. He deserves it, believe me."

I really love Rose, even if I just met her. She didn't even question what he did. She just nodded, walked up to Edward, grasped his shoulders and kneed him.

His eyes got huge and he let out a whimper before falling flat on the ground, cupping his balls in agony. "Sweet Jesus," he cried out.

Rosalie gave me a wink. "Anybody else that I need to fuck up?"

I nodded. "Jacob Black. Tell him it's from Bella."

She presumably headed for the waiting room to give Jake a little present.

Edward was still writhing on my floor.

"I'm so glad we're friends again," I told him sarcastically before rolling to my side and trying to fall asleep.

****

**Thoughts?**


	24. Chapter 24

**So you probably all thought I was dead or something, right? Don't you worry. I'm still kicking around. It just took me a long time to summon the will to write this. And yes, I realize that it's short, but something is better than nothing.**

**On another note, I read through all of the comments I got on this story and the vast majority think that Bella is an irrational bitch and that Edward is a womanizing dick. Yes, thank you. I'm aware. Thank you for taking those ten seconds out of your day to ruin mine. No one is forcing you to read this. I officially understand that some people don't get my characters or like this story. That's great for you guys. You're more than welcome to your opinion. However, you're killing me here. You're killing my motivation to write, which is ruining the experience for the readers who actually like this story. **

**So please, for the sake of my sanity and self-esteem, keep your negativity to yourself. If you don't like the story that much, just don't read it. I won't be offended. I just hate feeling afraid of my own review boxes.**

**Thanks,**

**MsSailorman.**

***** I only own the crazy plot.**

*****

It took a grand total of three weeks to discharge me from the hospital, and even then, I hadn't been cleared for work.

Three weeks of giving Edward tentative smiles and trying not to smack him when I thought of all he had done to hurt me. It was ridiculous. But then I'd look down at my stomach and think that I really wasn't that sorry to be pregnant. With Edward's incredibly good-looking features, this kid was bound to be a heartbreaker.

Three weeks of shunning Jacob Black because he was way too eager to get a date with me through any means possible.

Three weeks of Esme visiting me in the hospital with her manic baby joy visible in her eyes.

Three weeks of Alice bouncing around with catalogues in hand, ordering baby furniture without my approval. And Edward had given her a copy of his apartment key, so she had been playing mini-Martha Stewart and was pimping out Edward's apartment to be kid-friendly. And worst of all was the fact that she had done it all in yellow since we didn't know if it was a boy or girl. I despised yellow.

Three weeks of continual attempts to explain to Charlie why murdering Edward was a roundabout bad idea.

Three weeks of watching Emmett and Rosalie stop bickering rather abruptly and then switch to sitting in the waiting room and playing footsie with each other. I hadn't seen that particular part, but Jasper was always complaining about it to me, saying this his sister should not be dating someone like Emmett. When I asked him why, he told me that if Emmett broke her heart, he wasn't going to be able to break Emmett's body.

Three weeks of assuring Renee over the phone that I was feeling much better each day and there was absolutely no need whatsoever for her to make an appearance in Forks. I'd conveniently forgotten to mention that I was pregnant. That would have been utter pandemonium.

Three weeks of telling Ben and Jerry to shut the hell up.

But now, thank god, those three weeks were over and I was officially allowed to go home so I could sit around on my ass in the comfort of my living room as opposed to the hospital. Oh, joy.

****

**Short, but at least I got something down.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hello, all.**

**To those of you who haven't gotten the memo, stop dissing my characters. They're fictional. Leave them the heck alone. Thanks.**

**I know I haven't been posting regularly and that is unfortunately unavoidable. Just stick with me, guys.**

**Thanks,**

**MsSailorman**

"No, I can walk just fine, Emmett. Thanks," I grumbled for what seemed like the zillionth time. As much as I appreciated all of the help that Emmett continually offered, I was getting prepared to smack the next person that tried to assist me. I'd been waited on hand and foot in the hospital. I was _so _done with that.

"Ok, Bella. You sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my entire fucking life, Emmett."

Since Edward and I were decidedly tip-toeing around each other, Emmett had volunteered to help me move back into my apartment and make sure I was made comfortable. I just wanted to be alone quite honestly. I was never alone at the hospital and my apartment was sounding better and better by the second. I literally salivated when I heard the familiar jingle of my keys opening up the lock.

Emmett, feeling that he had to help me in some way since I had flat-out refused his offer to carry me, opened the door for me and set down the bag of crap I'd amassed over the three weeks I'd spent at the hospital.

"How does it feel to be home, Bells?"

"Magical," I grinned, immediately flopping down on the couch and inhaling deeply. There was a blunt pain in my chest from the action, but I was still on pain meds, so I didn't really care, even if it was a much lower dose than before.

Emmett's bass laughter filled the room and he sat on the end of the sofa where my head was. But his chuckle only lasted so long before we lapsed into silence. In an unexpected gesture, he picked up a lock of my hair and started twirling it between his fingers. I craned my neck backwards to see his face.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" I asked, thinking that Emmett suddenly looked much too serious.

His fingers picked up pace and twisted my hair faster. I was going to have to brush all of that out later. "Kind of hard to say, Bells."

I frowned at him and jokingly punched his shoulder. "You can talk to me. God knows I owe you a favor for being so nice to me while I was in the hospital." Emmett had been like a saint, making conversation with Charlie to distract him from grilling me for further information.

He snorted and sucked in a deep breath. "I'm in love."

I sat up quickly and immediately regretted it because of the searing in my chest. "It's Rosalie, isn't it?"

A look of surprise overtook his features. "How did you know that?"

"Because Jasper has been bitching about the two of you playing footsie every spare chance you get." I rolled my eyes. "You guys are perfect for each other." Both were extremely intimidating, yet had a heart of gold once you got to know them.

"Thanks, Bells." There was a pause and Emmett shifted and reached into his pocket, withdrawing something clutched in the palm of his hand. Like watching a rose's petals open, he slowly unclenched his fingers.

I gasped.

A small, black box was resting there.

He popped it open and a ring – with a fucking gigantic rock attached to it – was tucked inside. "I didn't know who else to tell. Alice would have blabbed it to everyone and Edward . . . well, he's not someone I'd tell about an engagement right now."

Ignoring his last remark, I put a smile on. "I'm so happy for you guys. I can't believe that you're going to propose to her. But don't you think that it's a bit soon?"

Emmett shrugged. "Rosie has my heart."

"Fair enough," I muttered. I really wasn't anyone to talk about waiting in the first place. Hell, I was pregnant from a "friend".

"I know that some people will disagree, but I don't give a damn."

I sighed and patted him on the back. "Well, good luck to you then."

"I won't need it," he said confidently.

Snorting, I remarked, "Emmett, I've been there, done that, and gotten the fucking t-shirt. Everyone needs a little bit of luck."

There was a long silence.

"Do you have any beer in the fridge?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, probably. You might as well drink it since I can't anymore. Not for another eight months." Sighing, I patted my belly even though it was still completely flat.

While Emmett went to grab himself some liquid courage, I stretched out tentatively on the sofa, testing my sore body. It was better than I expected.

"Comfy?" Emmett chuckled, leaning against the kitchen's doorframe, cold beer in hand.

"Yup."

"Well, I'm going to take off, Bells. I've got people to do, things to see. Do you need anything else before I go?"

I waved him off with a flick of my wrist. "Nah, I can fend for myself. I'm a big girl, you know."

He opened the door and stopped almost immediately, stepping aside to reveal Edward, hand poised to knock. Edward looked over Emmett's shoulder at me, standing on tiptoe.

"Um, hey, Bella. I know I wasn't really supposed to be here today, but I wanted to check up on you and make sure you're ok."

I sat up and blushed a bit. Why had I been reduced to feeling like a nerve-wracked teenager whenever Edward was around? I thought we'd moved past this stage ten years ago.

Emmett awkwardly shuffled outside, sensing the tension. "Bye, Bells."

That left Edward and I alone together. Fuck. This should be interesting.

******  
Bella and Edward are going to start making some progress from here, folks. This story is almost over. The insanity had to stop sometime, right? Thanks for all the love I've received. Really appreciate it.**

**Leave a comment, ok? Thanks.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey, guys. :)**

**Thanks for the nice reviews. I appreciate it.**

**Enjoy,**

**MsSailorman**

"What are you doing here, Edward?" I questioned softly, avoiding his eyes and sitting abnormally straight on the couch.

"Well, nice to see you, too, Bella," he chuckled, though it sounded sour. "I just wanted to see you."

"Maybe I don't want to see _you," _was my brilliant response.

"Bella, you told me to earn back your trust. And that's what I'm trying to do."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm glad to see you. Why don't you sit down?"

Edward shut the door behind him and, offering me a shy smile, assembled himself next to me. "How do you feel?"

People had been asking me that a lot lately. "I'm fine," I said generically.

He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm happy to be back home," I offered.

Clearing his throat, Edward scooted a few inches closer. "I've been meaning to talk to you about that."

I frowned. I wasn't ready for where this was going.

"Bella, we have a child coming into this world. And my apartment has more than enough room and Alice has already decorated it for the baby. Would you please consider moving in with me? I'm not trying to do this as a means to gain some sort of advantage or force you into anything. I'm asking you with your best interest at heart."

He'd rehearsed this. I could tell. I put a single finger to his lips to stop him before he tried to convince me further. "Edward, slow. Ok? Slow."

"But –,"

"I'm not ready. I just got home. Let me relax a bit. We have time and I'm obviously not going anywhere since I'm probably too injured still anyway."

"Will you even consider –,"

"No."

"Bella, will you –,"

"No."

"Bel –,"

"No."

"Oh my god, will you just listen to me?"

Out of pure impulsiveness, I lurched forward and kissed his lips softly, the feel of it so familiar and sweet, just begging me to do more. I could feel Edward freeze out of shock, obviously not expecting my sneak attack. I pulled back before I lost control.

"I'm not moving in with you, Edward. Let's work on this screwed up relationship first, ok?"

He blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. "Ok."

I nodded.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me again."

I smiled and gently leaned in, our lips touching and moving against each others'. His hands knotted in my hair.

"God, I missed this," he murmured.

"Go slow," I warned when one of his hands was trying to work its way between my thighs.

Groaning, he extricated his hand and placed it on my neck instead, caressing the skin there.

I pulled away again and calmed my breathing. "That was enough for one day."

Looking for all the world like Christmas had just been cancelled, Edward's jaw dropped. "You, Isabella Swan, are a tease."

"And you love it," I laughed. "Now get out of my apartment before we do something stupid. We're taking it slow."

He sighed and stood. "Yeah, yeah. Slow. Remind me to punch whoever came up with that term."

I rolled my eyes and watched him walk away with a sense of pride. I'd kissed Edward without some terrible occurrence befalling me. I hadn't lost control. I could go slow with him. This could work.

I grinned widely at Edward as he gave me a wave goodbye.

**Yeah, I turned into a sap while I was gone and this is what happens. Pure mush. Don't you just love it?**

**Leave me some written love in the form of reviews!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Sorry for the wait! I'm following a similar theme as Magazines had where I'm just doing snippets of the pregnancy. Enjoy!**

**MsSailorman**

"No peeking!" Alice warned me enthusiastically.

I didn't see the point in cautioning me. There was no way I could have peeked anyway since her tiny hands were clamped over my eyes. I stood outside Edward's apartment apprehensively, wringing my hands. Today was supposed to be the big reveal for the nursery Alice had created.

Even though Edward and I had progressed in our relationship and saw more of each other, we hadn't ventured into each other's homes since he first visited me when I got out of the hospital. We'd decided that being alone with a bed right next door was too much of a temptation and consequently went on dates in public. We'd gone to a bookstore, the movies, the mall, and he'd even convinced me to go bowling. (I had no clue he could bowl so well, but I completely sucked.) But through all of this, I hadn't been to his apartment. It felt like forbidden territory. And to be honest, seeing the baby's room made me nervous. I couldn't pinpoint why exactly, but it did. And the fact that I didn't even _know _why it bothered me, bugged me more.

"Hey, Edward!" Alice yelled, knocking on the door with her fist. "We're here. Open up."

The door swung open and presumably Edward stood before me, not that I could see him.

His distinctive chuckle told me that it was indeed Edward. He was probably laughing at Alice's exuberance. "Well, hello there."

I stood an unsteady step forward, my lack of coordination intensified by not being able to see. "Don't let me fall," I muttered, taking another step forward.

"Alice, let her go before she trips."

With a small sigh of reluctance, Alice dropped her hands and I blinked open my eyes.

Holy shit.

Edward's apartment was . . . well, jeez. It was easy to forget how rich he was sometimes because he didn't make a big deal about it. Carlisle had raised him to spread the wealth and be grateful for what he had. And by the looks of Edward's new living space, he certainly had a lot to be thankful for.

The floors were polished mahogany and everything gleamed brightly. It was a mixture of metal and wood with blue accents. There was a blue suede sectional couch that probably would have looked horrendous by itself, but when added in with the other elements of the room, fit in just right. He must have hired an interior decorator or something. Because Edward didn't do well with decorations. I still remember when I had asked him to pick up some throw-pillows for the couch. He brought home these horrendous, orange, fuzzy things. I'd thrown them away as quickly as possible without hurting his feelings.

While I stood slack-jawed, staring at the unbelievably expensive looking space before me, Edward gently nudged me. "Bella, you're here to see the baby's room, remember?"

I snorted. "Right." _Excuse me for getting distracted by the fact that you're filthy rich._ How on Earth had he lived in my tiny apartment without complaint when this was available to him?

Alice shoved me forward, bouncing in place and pointing out a closed door in front of me. I didn't take any steps on my own, feeling too nervous. The baby felt like it might be something I made up sometimes. But having a real room to show the preparation for it would make everything much more realistic for me. And I wasn't sure how I'd deal with that.

"Bella, are you ok?" Edward murmured to me.

I nodded and stood up straighter. "Yeah, let's do this."

Marching onward, I nudged the door open, the mahogany wood polished underneath my fingertips. Breathing in deeply, I took in the room around me.

I had been lied to.

The baby's room was not yellow, as Alice had been telling me all this time. It was soft pink.

I turned backwards. "Alice? What the hell is this?" Guilt seeped into my conscience at the sight of her heartbroken face.

"You don't like it?"

"Why is it pink? We don't know that the baby's a girl!"

Alice started laughing in relief. Quite frankly, I failed to see the humor in the situation. What if the baby was a boy and we had to repaint and return all the pink clothes and crib and toys? True, all of this had been bought on Edward's dime and he'd barely notice the price of the wasted items, but coming from a family where money was tight, I would hate it.

"Bella, don't worry about it," Alice smirked.

I frowned. "We don't know if it's a boy or a girl."

"Yes, we do. I already know it's going to be a girl." Right, Alice was _psychic. _Most of the time, I thought she was loco. This time included.

Rounding on Edward, I demanded, "You let her go through with this?"

"I trust Alice," he said meekly.

I threw my hands up in the hair out of frustration.

"Just picture for a minute that the baby _is _a girl, isn't this a great nursery?" Alice prodded.

Taking a deep breath, I refocused on the room. It really was beautiful. There were pink butterflies adorning the walls and a crib with soft pink blankets. Little pink shelves of toys lined the walls and even the floor was a pink carpet. I sighed. "It's wonderful, Alice."

She grinned in pride.

I let her have her moment of gloating. "But I swear to god that if the baby is a boy and we have to redecorate, I will not be a happy camper when it comes to the two of you."

Edward, looking appropriately skirmish, nodded. Alice didn't seem bothered.

*V*V*V*V*V*

"I'm nervous," I admitted to Edward. He unexpectedly squeezed my hand.

"Don't worry, Bella. There's nothing to be afraid of."

I looked at him skeptically.

"Even if something is wrong, we'll still work through it." He sounded so self-assured. I was almost envious.

We were waiting in the lobby of the doctor's office. We were getting a sonogram done. We'd officially passed the eighteen week mark and were going to find out the gender of the baby. But I was also nervous, perhaps irrationally, that we were going to find some sort of birth defect. I'd never even pegged myself for the maternal type, but there I was, with a swollen belly, worrying my little heart out.

"Isabella Swan?" a nurse called.

Edward gave my hand another squeeze and we both stood, following the nurse to an exam room.

They did all the normal things. Take my blood pressure, weight, pulse, etc. Then they dimmed the lights and wheeled in the sonogram machine. My heart sped up a bit as they had me lay down. My stomach was getting gigantic. I could barely see over the top of it. Or at least, that's what it felt like. I'd been slender all my life. I felt like I had a freaking beach ball attached to me.

"Just relax. This gel is going to be a little bit chilly. Try and keep still," the technician instructed me.

Edward stood on my left side, not letting go of my hand. My skin rose in goosebumps in response to the cool jelly substance being spread over my stomach with the little probe thingy. A glance to my right informed me that my internal organs looked quite bizarre when projected on a screen.

She kept rubbing the little probe on my belly. The gel didn't even feel cold anymore. "Oh, there it is. Look at your baby, you two." She tilted the screen, smiling.

I craned my neck.

Little arms and legs, all tucked in on themselves. A bulbous head. Adorable and alien at the same time.

"Oh my god," I breathed in wonder.

"Look at that, Bella," Edward said unnecessarily, sounding just as awestruck as I was.

"We fucking rock," I blurted out. "Look at what we made." I felt like doing a little victory dance. Edward and I had made life. And considering his genetic material was one half of the bargain, this kid had a really good chance at being gorgeous.

He laughed.

"If you look closely, you can see the baby's heartbeat." The technician pointed at something on the screen that looked like it was flapping.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Edward asked.

She repositioned the probe a few more times. "Looks like you have a girl."

Edward, of course being the epitome of maturity, said, "I told you so!"

I rolled my eyes and thought about it. A little girl. My cheeks tightened and I was suddenly beaming.

"I'll just print up some pictures and then you two can be on your way. Or should I say three?" she laughed, pointing at my stomach. I bet she used that line all the time.

I laughed anyway, cupping my stomach. I forgot about all the goo, though. "Gross," I muttered, retracting my hand. Edward laughed.

*V*V*V*V*V*V

Alice was on pins and needles, waiting for the results. "Oh my god, girl or boy? Just tell me!" She reminded me vaguely of a rabid dog.

Edward and I both looked at each other and I cringed, knowing I was going to be punished somehow for doubting Alice's psychic abilities.

"It's a girl," Edward announced proudly.

"I TOLD YOU SO! I WAS RIGHT! I KNEW IT!"

I then proceeded to sit through ten minutes of Alice jumping around like a crazy chick, shouting that I was right. I felt the need to cover my stomach somehow to block the baby's ears.

*V*V*V*V*V*V

**So . . . yeah. Thoughts?**

**P.S. I'm recommending some stories here that I think are awesome. Check them out!**

**Just Wait by _InstantKarmaGirl_**

**Brown Study by _littlesecret84_**

**Superman Complex by _cevuplay_**

**_AND_**

**The Cullen Campaign by _belladonna1472_**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey, all. How's it going?**

**So, I got some news. A few of my stories are being translated now.**

**Both this story and _Magazines _are being translated into Russian and Spanish. Just thought I'd share that. I'm enormously flattered that my stories are multilangual now. So thanks to the people translating them. I really appreciate it. :D**

**And onto the stuff you guys REALLY care about . . .**

"Oh my god, Edward. If I don't get a banana pickle sandwich with Miracle Whip on it right now, I think I'll combust," I whined, clinging to Edward's arm and pulling on it. I was giving him the big doe eyes.

We'd been watching a movie together at his apartment. He'd dozed off, but I'd developed a very intense craving. I needed a banana pickle sandwich with Miracle Whip. Right this very second.

"What?" he asked sleepily.

"You don't have any bananas or pickles or Miracle Whip! I _neeeed _it."

Edward, realizing he had a severe pregnancy craving on his hands and a girlfriend who was going to strangle someone unless that craving was satisfied, rolled off the couch and blearily searched for his keys.

"Right. Bananas, pickles, Miracle Whip," he muttered to himself. He was too tired to be disgusted.

I waited on the couch, wide awake now with the intensity that my taste buds wanted something. I was bouncing in place, rubbing my belly out of habit. It was getting bigger and rounder. I hadn't encountered any stretch marks yet, but I was just waiting. Alice had bought me some sort of cream to rub on my stomach to prevent the marks. I wasn't sure if I wanted to use it and admit to myself that I cared about my appearance that much. But if my life was going the way I had planned it, then I didn't want Edward to have to be looking at stretch marks for the rest of his life.

Edward and I had made so much progress. While I admit, it was hard being near him and not wanting to tear his clothes off, I'd done pretty well so far controlling my libido. So far all we'd done was kiss. We'd gone on dates, had movie nights (such as the one I was attending at the moment), went to the doctor together, and basically, were just taking things slowly. Although, considering the fact that my pregnancy hormones were kicking in big time, I didn't see that lasting much longer.

I let my mind wander, thinking randomly about how sex would be if we did it while I was pregnant. It was a thrilling concept considering I hadn't gotten any in nearly five months. And hormonal pregnant women were big on the sex thing, or so I had read in my pregnancy books.

There was the sound of the door being unlocked and Edward stumbled into the apartment, holding a grocery bag. He set it carefully on my lap wordlessly, and proceeded to resume the exact position he'd fallen asleep in before I'd disturbed him. He was fast asleep in seconds.

I would have been boggled by his ability to fall asleep like that, but there was currently a delicious concoction waiting to be created. Taking my bag of goodies into the kitchen, I got the bread out and proceeded to cut the bananas and pickles, giving each slice of bread a healthy dollop of Miracle Whip.

I took a bite.

Too delicious for words.

My taste buds were doing flips and shimmies. I'm pretty sure that the baby was feeling the endorphins rolling around my bloodstream. God, that hit the spot. I fixed myself another sandwich after I had engulfed the previous one.

And finally, my craving ceased and I was one happy woman. I rubbed my tummy. "Tastes good. Right, kid?"

I left the kitchen to find that Edward was still passed out on the sofa, snoring lightly. From the position, I could tell that he was definitely going to be uncomfortable in the morning.

I felt guilty for waking him again, but he really had to get to bed.

"Edward," I called quietly, nudging his shoulder.

"Hmm?" He stirred briefly.

"Let's get you to bed."

"Yes, dear," he laughed groggily. Dragging his feet, he walked to his room with his eyes closed. Of course, this had the drawback of him not watching where he was going and smacking his forehead into the wall. "Christ!" he shouted.

I raced to his side while he held his head and swore continuously, cursing like a bloody sailor.

"Our child's ears are being damaged listening to you say those things," I informed him, jokingly.

He didn't respond, groaning in pain.

"I'll get you an ice pack." And that's what I did. I scooped some ice into a bag, wrapped a rag around it, and pressed it to his forehead.

Edward sighed. "Well, I guess you're not the only one who's clumsy. This kid is screwed."

I smacked his shoulder playfully.

"Bella, will you please walk me to my bed? The room hasn't stopped spinning yet."

Hooking onto his arm, I guided him to his gigantic, king-sized bed and laid him down there. I felt awkward. I'd never been inside his bedroom before. I mean, I'd seen it from the doorway, but I'd never been inside.

"Well, I'm going to take off. I'll talk to you in the morning. Sleep well, Edward." I leaned in to kiss his cheek and he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me onto the bed with him.

"Stay with me, Bella. Please?" When Edward was tired, his voice took a on a childlike quality. And now that he was pleading with me and pouting and having the kid voice, I had no choice but to give in.

"Ok, but no funny business. Slow, remember?"

"I'll try, but I'm not responsible for my subconscious," he snickered.

I rolled my eyes and scooted into him, huddling into his body. He put his arms around me.

"Bella, I know that you want to take this slowly and we're being careful and whatnot, but I want you to know something."

"What might that be?"

"I love you."

We'd agreed that saying "I love you" was a bit too fast. But I suddenly didn't mind going a bit faster.

"I love you, too, Edward."

And with that, we fell asleep, both of us wrapped around each other. I don't think I've ever slept better in my entire life.

**AWWW, they're so adorable I could cry. Not really. You know, this sudden burst of immaturity from them almost has me sentimental over the "good ol' days" when they yelled at each other and major issues. Any of you folks miss it?**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey, everybody! Exciting news!**

**Sex and Other Hobbies of my Roommate is being translated into Spanish, Russian, and now Portugese. Awesome, right?**

**Continue on. Just thought I'd share that.**

*V*V*V*V*V*

Ok, so I admit that while sleeping together (in the literal sense) had gone very smoothly and I'd slept as soundly as I had when on drugs, waking up had been an entirely different matter.

An alarm clock woke me. And my first thought was how odd that was because my alarm chimed and this one was beeping.

_Someone switched the alarm clocks while we were sleeping, _Ben mumbled sleepily, about as awake as I was.

_Go back to sleep, moron, _Jerry groaned.

Aside from the dialogue going on in my head and the weird beeping, I noticed that the bed was moving. No, not the bed, a _person _was moving.

I screamed. Loudly. Like a fucking harpy.

A hand snapped out to cover my mouth.

I forced my eyes to open and focus. A pair of startled green ones met mine.

"Well, good morning to you, too, Bella." Edward smiled lightly and shut off the alarm clock, cuddling back in and holding me against his body.

Goddamn, that felt good. Warm and safe.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "About the screaming, I mean. I forgot where I was."

Edward just shrugged, about ready to go back to sleep. His eyes were closed and his face was nuzzled into my hair.

I was entirely too aware of him, though. Pregnancy hormones were a bitch sometimes. I'd hit the second trimester and sweet Jesus, Edward had never looked better or sexier. My body responded to his on a frightening level. And right now, my body was responding to his embrace with, "_Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!"_

I shifted, trying to quell the desire. We'd agreed to take it slow.

_That's right, Bella. Just focus on something else. Remember to go slow, _Ben encouraged warmly.

_Oh, just screw him already, _Jerry sighed. _Your chastity is sickening._

"Um, Edward, will you please let me go?"

His eyes opened and he looked at me. "Is something wrong?"

My jaw clenched a bit and I avoided his eyes. "Um, I have to . . . I have to pee." Brilliant.

He chuckled and released me.

I skedaddled to the bathroom quickly and proceeded to grip the edges of the sink, trying to slow my heart rate a bit. Just because I hadn't had sex in five months did _not _mean that I should jump the gun and pounce on Edward.

Especially since he looked so good right now . . . and he was in that large, soft bed . . . with his hair all rumpled . . . and his eyes sleepy and oh-so-green . . . and . . . oh, fuck.

My legs trembled a little. I sat on the edge of the bathtub and hurriedly spread my legs, sliding my fingers down to my clit. Yes, I was going to fucking masturbate. I needed to satisfy myself in some way if I wanted to keep my cool.

I bit down on my lip to keep myself shut up and proceeded to rub. Left right, left right, left right. I'd discovered what made me come years ago. So I kept to the basics, just needing a release. I rubbed faster and harder, a little whine escaping my throat. I needed to do this quickly. Desperately, my fingers swiveled over the sensitive bud. Again and again. Left right, left right.

I felt my orgasm approaching. The tightening in my stomach and how all of my muscles seemed locked in place. God, so close. I shivered.

Edward knocked on the door. "Bella, are you ok? You've been in there for a while."

I jumped, startled because I'd been so honed in on relieving my tension. But Edward's knock had caused me to stop my actions, and the orgasm I'd felt drawing so near dissipated. It was literally painful.

"Bella?" he asked again when I didn't respond.

"Yeah?" My voice sounded strained. Christ. He had bad timing.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fucking dandy, Edward," I called back. I pulled open the door, not caring that I was currently sweaty and shaking.

Edward had gotten dressed for work in black slacks and a powder blue shirt and tie. He looked concerned. "Did I do something wrong?"

I sighed. "No. I just need to go home, ok?" _Because if I stay here much longer, I'm going to drag you back to that bed and neither one of us will be leaving for a while._

"Bella, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

I sucked in a breath. _Here goes nothing. _"Edward, I am so fucking horny that I am going to combust. I need to get home. I need my pink dildo," I muttered, making my way to the front door as I blushed profusely.

He started laughing so hard I thought something would rupture.

It made me angry, quite frankly. And not just angry. This was pregnant lady anger. "What's so funny?" I asked, glaring.

"I'm just relieved." His smile was fading at my anger. He took a cautious step backwards. _Damn right he should take a step back. Fear the pregnant lady!_

"Well, that's great. I'm going home now. Goodbye."

He jumped in front of me, blocking my way. "Please don't go."

"I have to. Before I do something stupid."

"I don't think it would be stupid." He twirled us around and effectively pressed me against the wall.

"Edward," I said warningly.

He pressed his hands against my enlarged waistline and leaned down to kiss my neck sensually.

_Not good. Abort! Abort!_

"Five months is too long," he groaned.

_No kidding, chump, _Jerry agreed.

_Patience is a virtue, though! _Ben insisted.

His lips were sinful the way they greedily sucked at my skin and brushed against my nerve endings.

I flipped us around again so that he was against the wall. "Edward, just be good."

Edward was cunning though. He literally reached down and went right for my clit, his fingers searching it out. And it was still overly sensitive from my spontaneous, failed attempt at bathroom masturbation.

I moaned.

He'd struck gold by doing that.

Suddenly, I was grabbing his tie and pulling him closer, shoving my tongue into his mouth, almost jumping in place to keep friction on my clit. I wanted to come so badly. I'd been holding back my sexual urges for so long. And Edward had opened the floodgates.

"Bella," he groaned when my hands went traveling over his body.

He was so hard.

I started to back us up to his living room couch, sitting down and being pressed downward as Edward shifted to be on top._ Oh, hell no._ I grasped his hair, continually in a lip lock, and pushed the other way. I wanted to be on top.

But Edward pushed back.

I broke away from his mouth, panting. "No. I want to be on top."

"Bella." He sounded frustrated. "Please?"

"No, last time you were on top."

"The last time was five months ago!"

"It still counts," I pouted. "Edward, dear god, I'm dying here. Please, just skip to the sex."

His eyebrows rose. "Who said anything about sex?"

I looked at him incredulously. I gestured to the couch and the way we were positioned. "Actions speak louder than words, don't you think?"

"Bella, I'm not going to have sex with you."

My jaw dropped.

_Wow, bummer. What a douche bag, _Jerry muttered, shaking his head.

Ben was usually the virtuous one, but he was nodding along with Jerry this time. Even _Ben _thought Edward was being a bastard! Jeez.

"What?"

"We're not having sex."

"So what the fuck am I still doing here?" I demanded. My feet stirred, ready to walk me to the door as soon as I disentangled myself from Edward.

"Bella, just because we don't have sex doesn't mean I can't satisfy you." _Doubtful. Nothing is quite as satisfying as your cock, Edward dearest._

I raised an eyebrow at the implication, but I stopped my actions to leave. Instead, I leaned back on the couch and spread my legs. "Ok," I said simply. I was horny. I'd take what I could get. And hey, no need to rush into sex, right?

Ben nodded his head.

Jerry called me a schmuck.

Edward, amidst my internal voices, looked a bit surprised, but eager all the same. His fingers slid into the waistband of my maternity pants (yeah, not the sexiest clothing ever) and pulled down, leaving my lower half naked.

Now, one must understand that I wasn't planning on this at all, and thus had not really shaved down there. But Edward didn't make any comments, simply smiled at me and started to brush his fingers over my clit, watching my reactions carefully.

"Oh, fuck," I moaned. It felt so good after waiting all that time.

_When God made Edward's fingers, he was in a good mood, that's for sure._

He took his thumb and started flicking across my clit repeatedly.

I began to shudder and moan louder. "Faster," I urged, arching my back.

And faster he went, his green eyes large and dilated.

I became undone, convulsing wildly and bucking up. My muscles tensed then felt incredibly loose.

Edward had on the cockiest grin ever. "Well, that didn't take very long, did it?"

My eyes narrowed. "Shut up." It had taken two minutes, tops. I was still panting.

He just laughed, smiling.

"Aren't you going to be late for work?"

"Screw work," he muttered. "Besides, what am I supposed to do with this?" He gestured at his erection, which was quite prominent.

I couldn't help but giggle, both because of it being pretty damn funny and because of the endorphins coasting around in my bloodstream. "Mm, I could help you with that."

Although Edward had just used his hand to give me pleasure, I used my mouth. Because in all honesty, I missed giving him head. Yeah, I never thought I'd heard myself think that, but there was something very erotic knowing that I controlled his pleasure.

I licked and tasted and sucked and kissed and rubbed.

Edward was groaning and thrusting until he too, felt the pleasure I had.

And I won't lie; in my head I was doing fist punches of success and shouting "Boo-yah!" over and over again. Externally however, I was smiling almost as cockily as Edward had been.

He was winded. "Damn."

I grinned. "Now get to work before your father fires you."

His eyes popped open in disbelief. "Are you seriously telling me to leave my _own _apartment?"

"Well, once of us might as well work since you've managed to put me on early maternity leave," I frowned at him. I was still not pleased that I wasn't being allowed to work because of being pregnant. It's not like I was an invalid. There was just something off-putting about getting checks in the mail for work I hadn't done. Definitely not my cup of tea.

Edward registered my sour face and brushed my cheek softly. "I'll see you after work then, ok?"

"Your place or mine?" I brightened considerably at the prospect of seeing him again and possibly having round two on _my _couch.

"Let's go out tonight," he suggested.

"Where?"

"You'll see." Suddenly he was grinning widely. "Just wear the fanciest thing you can find. I'll pick you up at 7."

Confused beyond belief, I watched Edward depart for work, practically skipping as he went. Something weird was going on. Either that, or the endorphins were hitting him harder than I thought.

*V*V*V*V*V*

**I bet you all are going, "ABOUT FREAKING TIME THEY GOT THEIR FUNK ON!", right?**


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey, guys. Sorry that I haven't been updating! Don't hate me!**

**So, a brief summation of what's going on in case you've forgotten since I haven't updated in god knows how long:**

**Edward and Bella hopped on the good foot and did the bad thing (had sex) and consequently, Bella got pregnant. After a shitload of drama, strippers, ball-kicking, and arguments, they've decided to take things slow and keep the baby. Now, after Bella and Edward FINALLY got their funk on (sort of), Bella is preparing for their date tonight. Anyone still confused? No? Good.**

_"Let's go out tonight," he suggested._

_"Where?"_

_"You'll see." Suddenly he was grinning widely. "Just wear the fanciest thing you can find. I'll pick you up at 7."_

_Confused beyond belief, I watched Edward depart for work, practically skipping as he went. Something weird was going on. Either that, or the endorphins were hitting him harder than I thought._

_*V*V*V*V*V*_

"Alice, I can't believe I'm asking you this, but will you _please _help me? I'm freaking out over here!"

This was proof of how nervous Edward had made me. He told me to wear the "fanciest" thing I could find. Because, yeah, of course I had "fancy" maternity clothes just stocking my closet to the brim. What the fuck, man?

"Bella, what's going on?"

"Edward and I got a little bit jiggy with it and now he's taking me out to dinner and I don't know what to wear!"

_Did you really just say "jiggy with it"? _Jerry asked incredulously.

_Bella doesn't reduce herself to vulgarity, _Ben defended me.

_Puh-lease, _Jerry snorted.

"Oh my god!" Alice squealed.

She was at work at the moment (yes, I was disturbing her at work due to a fashion emergency. I'm a bad a friend, I know) and I pictured her hyperventilating on the floor in her excitement. I hadn't asked for her help in clothes since she forced me into that corset top that I had to battle with my boobs to fit into. That had been when I tried to seduce Edward . . . the second time. It all seemed so juvenile now given how happy I was at the current moment.

"Bella, the second I'm on lunch break, I'll help you! I swear! Just give me an hour!"

Without waiting for me to answer, she hung up.

I basically spent the whole hour desperately pawing through my wardrobe some more in the hopes that something sexy would magically appear that even more miraculously accommodated my very pregnant belly. At five months, I had a hell of bump.

There was a knock on the door.

Instantly recognizing Alice's frantic beating of the entryway with her little fist, I sprang to action, pulling open the door.

I've never been so scared in all my life.

She was holding a full bag of make up in one hand and several garment bags in the other.

Jerry crapped his pants.

Ben had vacated the premises of my brain momentarily.

This was going to be one hell of a Monday.

*V*V*V*V*

"Alice, your lunch break has been over for two hours now, don't you think you should get back?" I admit that I was just grasping at straws now. All the time being plucked and prodded and spritzed and glitzed had me making desperate attempts to get rid of Alice, the she-devil.

She'd stormed in here like a tornado from hell and started barking orders at me to shower and shave and use moisturizer and to sit still and to stop grimacing every time she swept makeup across my face.

Jerry was consistently coming up with rude nicknames for Alice while Ben argued that she was just being a friend in the way she knew how.

"Bella, I'm not going back to work until you look perfect." She accentuated this statement by pursing her lips in concentration as she worked to make my hair lay just right.

I sighed and resigned myself to further torture.

_Ben, hold me back! I'm about to punch the goddamned pixie! _Jerry shouted, the veins in his temple pulsing.

Ben gripped Jerry desperately to keep him from trying to crawl out of my brain and hit Alice.

It wasn't until Alice was pushing a garment bag at me that she finally departed, calling out that I'd better not ruin my hair or makeup before my date tonight. And normally that wouldn't be a problem, but that meant I had to keep myself looking this glamorous for four hours.

For me, that meant sitting on my couch watching daytime soaps and absently rubbing my large belly. At five months along, my stomach was starting to become its own entity. Or rather, my uterus was. I always thought of it as my stomach because I was always fucking hungry, though. Even as I was viewing a soap opera with a plot too complicated and dramatic to follow, I felt the cravings start and knew I wouldn't last four hours without food. Out of my peripherals, I eyed the entryway to the kitchen. My fridge was stocked to maximum capacity.

Ugh, but I had to concentrate and be good. I had not just sat still for three and a half hours of grooming only to ruin with my appetite.

My knuckles turned white as I held a claw-like grip on the arm of the sofa, attempting to beat off my sudden craving for ice cream. Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I'd stopped eating that brand ever since the company's owners took up residence in my head, but now, it was the one thing I wanted. And I knew that I had some Rocky Road waiting for me in the freezer.

Little beads of sweat formed on my head.

_Oh, come on, sweetie pie, you know you want it, _Jerry said in an overly-silky voice.

_But Jerry, she doesn't want to ruin her make up, _Ben argued.

_Shut up, she wants to eat our products. She's a customer!_

_Oh, right! _Ben stumbled. _Uh, Jerry is right. You should give in and eat our ice cream. I've got a family to feed, you know._

Sweet Jesus. Even Ben – the good half of my brain – was trying to get me to eat the ice cream. Damn.

Without hesitation, I got to my feet and made a beeline for the chocolate goodness in the freezer. The spoon in my hand was shoveling ice cream into my face faster than someone could say "".

*V*V*V*V*

_**Three Hours Later**_

Ok, so maybe the ice cream was a bad idea, I thought as I was hunched over the toilet bowl, puking my guts out. So much for keeping my makeup fresh.

_**One Hour After That**_

"Shit, shit, shit," I muttered to myself. Flying around my apartment, I hurried to reapply my makeup, copying it as best I could manage. I'd been too busy feeling sick that I had let the time go by without me noticing. And Edward was going to be back from work any minute to pick me up.

Ben and Jerry, the dynamic duo from hell, were chattering away in my head, squabbling as usual. They slowed my progress even more because of the headache I was getting. Not to mention I had to move with much more caution due to pregnancy. If I had a bout of clumsiness, it could be much more disastrous than usual.

So when I say I was flying around the apartment, I mean I was going as fast as possible that a schizophrenic, cranky, pregnant lady could go.

After taking a few swipes over my eyelashes with mascara, I, for the first time, unzipped the garment bag Alice had left me. I hadn't even asked where she'd gotten it from. When I hurriedly yanked down the zipper on the thing, I felt tears start to spring up at how beautiful it was and how much I was going to have to thank Alice afterwards. (And hey, I was hormonal. I can't be blamed for crying over clothes. Although, even for being pregnant, it was a rare day I'd cry over something so superficial.)

The dress was ice blue and had deep blue flowers printed on the fabric. With a tie under the bust, a small bow sat at the back, the bottom of the dress flowing out over my huge tummy. Not having time to truly appreciate it, I threw the thing on and tied it, grabbing some black flats.

Just then the front door opened and the sound of Edward's jingling keys made my ears prick up. Stumbling out of my bedroom, I found a welcomed sight. Edward, looking as handsome and debonair as ever in a black tuxedo. Of course, I then felt enormously underdressed. He hadn't been kidding when he said to wear the fanciest thing I had.

"You look beautiful," he said, staring me up and down.

I smiled. "So do you. Er, I mean, uh, handsome."

He chuckled and took a few swift steps towards me, leaning in to peck me on the lips. I leaned away as he looked on confusedly.

Grimacing, I explained, "Alice will kill me if I smudge this lipstick."

He rolled his eyes and kissed me anyway, though he attacked my neck instead, his tongue darting out to taste my skin.

I may have moaned just a little. (Ok, a lot.) And I may have grabbed Edward's tux and pressed him against the wall. (Ok, maybe more like shoved.) And I may have started to unbutton his starched, white shirt. (Ok, maybe more like ripped it open.)

"Whoa, Bella. Easy there. You have to buy me dinner first. I'm not that kind of guy," he said with a jokingly innocent face.

I snorted at him. "I was under the impression that _you _were buying _me_ dinner, Cullen."

"And _I _was under the impression that we were on first name basis after god knows how many years we've known each other."

"Fine, Edward. You going to buy me dinner or not?" I joked. I'm pretty sure that it was no longer necessary for me to be pressed up against his body, but neither one of us made a move to end the contact.

"Do I get to fuck you afterwards?" he breathed in my ear, his tone of joking flying out the window to be replaced with his give-Bella-an-orgasm-voice.

Trying to not lose my head completely, I answered, "Are you bullshitting me?" I pulled back a little bit to take into account his expression.

He had on his poker face. "I'm dead serious." A hint of a grin appeared at the corner of his mouth. "That is, of course, if you're up to it." His eyes held a challenge in them.

My eyebrows shot up. Did the man doubt the sex drive of a second trimester pregnant woman? God, what a mistake. Silently acknowledging his little game, I simply walked to the couch, grabbed my purse, and announced, "We're going to the restaurant now, Edward."

Was I up for it? Pfft. He was going to be the one _up _for it.

***V*V*V*V***

**This date should be interesting, eh?**

**Leave me a review, lovelies.**


	31. Chapter 31

So, I bet you all thought I was dead, huh? Psych! I'm back! I promised I would finish this story and by golly, I'm going to do it. I hope that saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true because you guys must absolutely LOVE me. Just kidding, I know you all hate me just a little bit. Sorry! In any case, I'm back in business and writing up a storm. Happy reading!

Since it's been so long, here's a small refresher from last chapter.

*V*V*V*V*

**He rolled his eyes and kissed me anyway, though he attacked my neck instead, his tongue darting out to taste my skin.**

**I may have moaned just a little. (Ok, a lot.) And I may have grabbed Edward's tux and pressed him against the wall. (Ok, maybe more like shoved.) And I may have started to unbutton his starched, white shirt. (Ok, maybe more like ripped it open.)**

**"Whoa, Bella. Easy there. You have to buy me dinner first. I'm not that kind of guy," he said with a jokingly innocent face.**

**I snorted at him. "I was under the impression that _you _were buying _me_ dinner, Cullen."**

**"And _I _was under the impression that we were on first name basis after god knows how many years we've known each other."**

**"Fine, _Edward_. You going to buy me dinner or not?" I joked. I'm pretty sure that it was no longer necessary for me to be pressed up against his body, but neither one of us made a move to end the contact.**

**"Do I get to fuck you afterwards?" he breathed in my ear, his tone of joking flying out the window to be replaced with his give-Bella-an-orgasm-voice.**

**Trying to not lose my head completely, I answered, "Are you bullshitting me?" I pulled back a little bit to take into account his expression.**

**He had on his poker face. "I'm dead serious." A hint of a grin appeared at the corner of his mouth. "That is, of course, if you're up to it." His eyes held a challenge in them.**

**My eyebrows shot up. Did the man doubt the sex drive of a second trimester pregnant woman? God, what a mistake. Silently acknowledging his little game, I simply walked to the couch, grabbed my purse, and announced, "We're going to the restaurant now, Edward."**

**Was I up for it? Pfft. He was going to be the one _up _for it.**

*V*V*V*V*

I, Bella Swan, had plenty of practice in the seduction department. This was coming from the woman who had seduced Edward not only once, not twice, not three times, but four times. I knew what Edward liked by this point. I knew what made him tick. This was going to be a piece of cake. His little challenge was going to be even better than cake. It was going to be like a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

_Damn right, _Jerry interrupted my mental pep rally.

I really was going to have to see someone about my little dynamic duo. One would think I'd be getting sick of them by now, but something worse was happening: I was getting used to them. Hell, Jerry's snide quips and Ben's uplifting advice was growing on me and now held a special place in my heart . . . or mind rather.

So, I had to give Edward credit. It was one thing to have an ungodly amount of money. It was another to know how to put it to good use. The restaurant was one that Edward had been trying to take me to for quite a while. Of course, I, being a bit more conservative in the ways of money-spending, had constantly refused with the claim that it wasn't right for one appetizer to cost more than I usually spent on food in a week. But I withheld my comments tonight. Ragging on Edward's choice of eatery wasn't exactly going to help my goal of driving him crazy.

The outside of _La Mia Buona Stella_ looked rather plain. Regular brick encased the establishment. But I knew better. My suspicions proved correct when the doorman – an older gentleman with a peppered moustache – greeted Edward by name.

"Hello, Mr. Cullen. Welcome back." His eyes passed over me with a slight look of surprise, but then regained the neutral, polite expression. I gave him a glance back, a little confused.

I leaned into Edward as we passed through the lavish doors. "Welcome back? You've been here before?"

He now looked distinctly uncomfortable, where before he'd been all smiles. "Once or twice," he replied tersely. His tone confused me even more. And if he'd only been here a few times and they already knew his name, this place was more upscale than I'd imagined. Something seemed odd to me, but I just shrugged it off and turned my attention to the lush scenery before me.

Large still-life paintings of masquerade balls adorned the room and the walls were a deep red. Normally, that color would have felt a tad claustrophobic, but the warm lighting spilling from crystalline chandeliers made it feel cozy and elegant. Diners, while still close together, seemed to have their own atmospheres, undisturbed by the people around them. And good lord, did it smell good. The scent of something utterly mouthwatering wafted towards me and I felt my pregnancy cravings go bonkers.

"Wow," I breathed. Edward gave a small, pleased smile at my reaction.

The hostess almost immediately descended on us, ushering us to our table. "Hello, Mr. Cullen," she said genially. "It's nice to see you again."

"Chelsea, I've told you. Call me Edward."

"Sorry, Mr. Cullen. Old habits die hard." She gave him a grin that I was definitely not fond of.

I looked between the both of them. Here was someone else that knew his name. And not only that, he knew hers. In a move that was probably as inconspicuous as it was actually necessary, I oh-so-subtly pressed myself closer to Edward. I slid the hand that had already had around my waist to cover my swollen stomach.

_That's right, mister. Your child is in here. Watch yourself._

We were led off to a "special table" by that Chelsea woman. I knew it was special because it was located on a balcony. And the doors that led out to it were labeled "Reserved". Part of me was consumed by the romantic setting while the other half was reasoning that the money spent on one night of luxury should have been put towards our kid's college fund. Yet again, I held my tongue. I was here to seduce, not bicker.

Edward looked so handsome as he sat across from me on the balcony overlooking the city. It was a great view, I will admit.

"So, come here often?" Edward joked.

"Oh, please," I scoffed. "We are so far past pickup lines, it's not even funny."

He conceded. "Bella, you look gorgeous. I'm assuming that Alice had a hand in this? She disappeared from work."

I nodded somewhat guiltily. "She couldn't be stopped, Edward! Honest. I tried to make her go back to work, but she was too busy beautifying my face."

"I swear, people in our office think work is a joke. With you in the hospital and everybody coming to visit as well as those off days everybody takes, our department has the worst attendance in the whole company," Edward frowned.

"Hey, no business at the dinner table," I reprimanded.

"My sincerest apologies," Edward said humbly. "What would you prefer to talk about?"

I smiled wickedly. "I do believe you said a thing or two about me being 'up for it' in reference to sex. And I don't think you realize that I've practically got a doctorate in how to seduce you."

Speaking of seduction, I schooled my features towards an innocent face – eyes wide, lips slightly pouted – and let Edward think I was going to be on good behavior. Fancy restaurant or not, I desperately was looking forward to afterwards, when he'd promised to put me out of my pregnant misery and fuck me.

"Is that so?" Edward asked amusedly.

I nodded my head, matter-of-factly. Simultaneously, I slipped my right foot out of my shoe and slid it up his calf. This was an old trick, but definitely effective as I caught Edward's eyes.

"You know the good part about seducing me here?" he asked. "This is a private balcony. We're all alone."

I hadn't thought of that. "Mm, is that so, Mr. Cullen?"

"It is indeed, Ms. Swan. So I suggest you get your sexy ass over here so I can kiss you."

I obeyed eagerly, wondering if we were going to break my five month dry streak right here at the restaurant. That would certainly be memorable.

I crawled onto Edward's lap, my engorged abdomen compressed between us. But it wasn't enough to slow us from an intense make out session before we'd even ordered our drinks. He threaded his hands into my hair, kissing me softly at first. I wasn't even bothered that he was totally messing up my do. Alice would have been pissed. But then again, Alice wasn't here. And Alice wasn't the one going to get laid after dinner. So yeah, screw Alice.

"Fuck," Edward groaned when I shifted in his lap. He already had an erection and it was a bit cruel to tease him, but I was desperate. My hands were all over him and I pulled him closer, wanting him to kiss me harder. I knew Edward wanted to make this a romantic occasion, but fuck that. Him fucking me roughly was romantic in its own way, right? Right?

Someone coughing uncomfortably had breaking apart, breathing hard as we sought out the sound. Ah, good ol' Chelsea was back again, looking distinctly jealous that I was sitting on Edward's lap. Yeah, he was mine.

_Put that in your juice box and suck it, _Jerry laughed evilly.

_Poor girl. She'll find a love of her own someday, _Ben commented.

I was with Jerry on this one. Ok, maybe the possessiveness was a bit overdramatic, but I didn't like that Edward had known her name. Therefore, I didn't make any attempt to extricate myself from his lap as Chelsea delivered us the menus and we ordered drinks and appetizers. She hurried out of there as quickly as she could.

"Was that necessary?"

I looked at Edward innocently. "What _what _necessary?"

"You were glaring at her like she called you fat or something."

I glared at _him. _"Are you calling me fat?"

"Jesus, no. I think you're beautiful like this."

Mollified, I leaned back down and resumed the delightful activity of our lips before they'd been interrupted. Edward's hands had been locked around my waist before, but now they wandered up to cup my breasts.

"Oh my god," he muttered reverently.

Confused, I asked, "What's wrong?"

"They're huge!" His mouth was agape and he was staring straight at my tits like they had descended from the heavens just for him.

"Um, yeah. That's kind of what happens when women get pregnant . . . Whoa there." Edward had done something similar to a face plant into my cleavage, kissing the tops of breasts from my neckline. When I felt his tongue, I started mumbling to myself, not wanting him to stop.

I let my hands drift down to his chest and then down to the erection trapped between us. He hissed out a breath when I came into contact with it. I was having serious cock cravings. I wanted that thing out in the open so I could look at it and feel it in my mouth and deep inside me.

"Bella," Edward breathed. "We have to calm down. After dinner, I promise."

I pouted like petulant child. "We'll lock the doors and we can just get our funk on. Come on, please?"

"Bella, we're outside. What if someone sees?" I took it as a good sign that he was actually considering it.

"Well, let them watch," I muttered.

_Bella, your dignity, _Ben cried out.

_Ooh, Bella is feeling kinky. I like it, _Jerry approved. He was sitting back on a couch with popcorn, content to watch the free porn.

_Yes, yes, thank you. I don't always want your guys' opinions, you know. _

_Yeah, but you need 'em, _Jerry cackled.

Fucking Jerry.

"God, you're so hot. Stop giving me ideas, woman," Edward ordered, looking pained.

"Mmm . . . no. I don't want to wait, Edward. Do you hear what I'm saying? Fuck. Me. Now."

He groaned again, leaning forward to kiss my neck, burying himself in my hair. "Bella, no. We're going to wait and it's going to be magical."

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smacking Edward around and demanding he have sex with me. Instead, I ever so gracefully removed myself from his lap with a small _humph. _Well, no seduction for him. Asshole.

Part of me realized that my anger was hormonally driven, but I think even under the best of circumstances, I would have been a bit miffed. I mean, really. Let me just repeat for clarification, but it had been five months since I'd gotten any. Five months. _Five. Fucking. Months. _At this point, I was close to insanity.

_I think you're already insane, _Jerry snickered.

_No, she's not, Jerry. Don't be so mean, _Ben disagreed.

My inner voices aside, I was crazy enough without them. And lack of sex was making me pout like a little child. My lower lip was pushed out stubbornly and I stared at Edward sadly, like he was the meanest person in the world.

"Ugh, don't look at me like that. That's just not fair."

I widened my eyes, looking even more pathetic.

"Bella," he groaned. "When we get back to my apartment, I swear to you, it's going to be a great experience."

I sighed. "If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not that great with patience."

Edward laughed softly. "I know. I'm just asking you to wait a little bit longer."

I grimaced, but nodded nonetheless. "Ok, Mr. Cullen. Let's enjoy our romantic dinner then."

"Be my guest, Ms. Swan," he smiled, reaching across the table to hold my hand.

Thankfully, our appetizers came out at this point. And if there was anything that could distract me from sex, it was food. And good god, did this look good. Edward had ordered an appetizer sampler, so there was a little bit of every appetizer on the menu. And I delighted in trying them all. I had no clue what most of them were, but everything tasted delicious.

"Save some room for dinner," Edward laughed, watching me gobble up the food with an amused expression.

"It's so _good,_" I groaned, reaching out to eat more.

"Watching you eat is better than television," Edward informed me.

I paused the act of consumption and looked at him questioningly. "How so?"

"You always make noises and I can immediately tell if you like it or not by your facial expressions. You're a very enthusiastic diner."

It sounded like a compliment with the tone of voice he used, but I was reasonably sure I had just been called a pig. "Um, thanks," I said, setting down the cheese stick I had been about to eat.

"Bella," Edward said after a moment, his face suddenly serious. "Look, I was going to wait until we'd already eaten to ask you this. But with the baby on the way and our relationship being healthy and headed in the right direction, I was hoping . . . ," he trailed off, averting his eyes from nervousness.

"You were hoping what?" I asked excitedly.

"I was hoping you would consider moving in with me."

"Oh, Edward. Of course I will," I said happily, squeezing his hand.

"You will?" His expression was so hopeful.

I laughed. "I will."

"Thank god," he said. "I was so nervous to ask you."

"Why?"

"I wasn't sure if you'd say yes."

"Why wouldn't I? I love you so much, Edward. I just want to be with you."

"I love you, too. I guess I was just scared that you would think we were moving too fast. But really, we've lived together before for years and we were fine."

I laughed again, feeling light and bouncy now. This was why Edward had taken me out to a fancy restaurant and been acting weird. "Yeah, I already know all your disgusting habits and I love you anyway."

He scoffed. "I don't have disgusting habits."

I gave him a raised eyebrow look. "You don't wash your socks nearly often enough, you leave the toilet seat up, and god knows you need a maid to clean up after you."

"Hey, hey. Easy there. Don't ruin the moment."

"The _point _is that I know what I'm getting into and I want to get into it anyway."

Edward cocked his head with a wry expression on his face. "Is it just me or did that sound dirty?"

"Charming," I said sarcastically. "You know what I meant."

"I suppose I've just got my mind in the gutter because of how sexy you look." He tossed me a debonair grin.

I glanced down at my ice blue dress. I still had no clue where Alice had found it, but then again, her fashion sources were always a mystery and far beyond my understanding. "If only I wasn't so fat," I joked.

Edward looked at me very seriously. "Bella, you are fucking sexy like this. Do you know how much I love it that you're carrying our baby in there? I love how you look. You could be wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt and you would still be gorgeous."

I smiled at the compliment, truly believing him. His green eyes were so intense and earnest. "Thank you, Edward."

"You're welcome," he smiled.

"May I ask you something?"

"Anything you want, love."

"When we were living together all that time, did you ever think of me as more than a friend? I mean, we've known each other since we were little kids. In all those years, did you ever want more?" I probably shouldn't have asked him, but damn, I wanted to know. I'd been crushing on him since we were adolescents and he had never seemed to return it.

Edward thought for a moment. "I always knew I was attracted to you. I've always thought you were beautiful, but I never wanted to mess up our friendship by asking you out or something. So I just let us be friends. I did get close to asking you out once, though."

"Really? When?"

"Right after you let me move into your apartment. I really saw how close we were that you would let me stay there and it meant a lot to me. You've always been such a good friend to me."

I frowned. "So why didn't you ask?" For a moment, I imagined an alternative universe where Edward and I had dated since we were seventeen and we never encountered anything of this bullshit we were going through now.

_Where would the fun in that be? _Jerry asked. _This shit is better than a soap opera._

_I don't know about that. Have you seen Days of our Lives? That's pretty addictive, _Ben pointed out.

Edward's answer interrupted my mental minions. "I would have. But you were dating that James guy."

I groaned, remembering that asshole. I'd dated him for a long time, but he was so manipulative. He could talk me into anything and every argument we had was always somehow my fault. I just had been very naïve and hadn't broken up him with him until after we'd been together a few years. "I wish you would have asked. I would have dumped James in a heartbeat. You could have saved me from wasting a few years on that little bastard."

Edward shook his head. "It wasn't my place. And you seemed happy with him. Besides, the last thing I wanted to do was interfere when you had been nice enough to give me a place to stay after that fight with my parents."

"I still can't believe you fought with them at all. Carlisle and Esme are like, the nicest people I know."

"I had just had enough of the Cullen legacy for a while."

I gesture around us at the fancy restaurant. "Really? Because the Cullen legacy is what's letting us dine in style tonight. It's what's funding your apartment."

He groaned. "Yes, Bella, rub it in. I went through a rebellious phase, ok? So sue me."

I laughed and nudged his foot under the table. This, of course, resulted in a game of footsie. And that, of course, resulted in my foot creeping up Edward's leg again until my toes were comfortably resting against his groin.

He looked at me warningly. "We're waiting until after dinner."

"Yes," I agreed, wriggling my toes teasingly. "But that doesn't mean I can't torture you until then."

Edward made barely audible groans as I pressed against his erection with the sole of my foot. "You don't play fair, Swan."

I grinned. "I never promised I would." I daintily removed my foot as Chelsea approached, bearing a tray with our entrées on it.

My own meal was a ridiculously expensive version of chicken pot pie. Personally, I didn't feel that it was worth the money, but it _was _a good dish. I started laughing when I realized what Edward had ordered. It was Beef Wellington, but the kind that was really upgraded and gourmet, making my homemade ones look almost shameful. This was Beef Wellington two-point-oh.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because Beef Wellington is your favorite food and it seems that whenever I make it, something goes wrong."

Edward frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, the first time I made it was my way of kicking you out the apartment. And the second time was to apologize, but you were, um, indisposed," I stated uncomfortably, now regretting bringing it up at all. By indisposed, I meant the infamous stripper incident.

"Hey," Edward said, catching my eye, as I had been staring into my lap. "It's ok, Bella."

"I know."

"Will you ever forgive me for that?"

"I just agreed to move in with you. What does that tell you?"

"That doesn't mean you've forgiven me. Maybe you're repressing the anger," he suggested.

I fought the temptation to roll my eyes. "Edward, I forgave you a while ago. You made a mistake. And yeah, it was a pretty big fucking mistake, but god knows I've made dozens of them myself. I trust you not to do anything like that ever again and now we can move on. I just want to be happy tonight."

"Bella, I'll make you happy every night for the rest of my life. I promise."

As improbable as that was, I smiled nonetheless. "And how might you do that?"

"They say a sexually satisfied woman is a happy woman."

"Who the hell is 'they'?" I laughed. "I'm pretty sure that's your own saying."

He shrugged, grinning deviously.

"Well, if that's true, you're failing in the happiness department because I'm not 'sexually sated'."

"Mm, not yet. But you will be," he said in a low voice, his tone promising all sorts of delicious things.

In my opinion, dinner could not have gone any faster. I wanted to get the hell out of there and fly back to Edward's apartment. While I hadn't admitted it to myself quite yet, I had been waiting for this moment for much longer than one afternoon.

We passed through the meal with light banter, our usual repartee. I insistently skipped dessert with the claim that I was full – even though chocolate sounded really good and had been towards the top of my list as far as pregnancy cravings went – because I was so desperate to leave. Edward looked so damn delectable in that tux and I really wanted to rip it off of him . . . with my teeth.

Edward left a generous tip for Chelsea. He felt bad that she had witnessed our make out session earlier, I assumed. But the moment the bill was paid, I grabbed his hand impatiently, practically dragging him out the door.

"Where's the fire?" Edward muttered.

"You know, it's kind of hurting my feelings that you're not as eager as I am," I said stiffly.

He held open the car door for me as he said, "Oh, Bella. I can't even tell you how eager I am. But I want the experience to last. There's no need to rush."

I shook my head at him. Right now, I would have almost preferred he still was a man whore and had a sex drive the size of Texas. Yes, the old Edward might have even taken me on the hood of the car. Or in the backseat. Or even in the restaurant.

I imagined all the different places we could have sex on the drive home. Luckily, I was very creative and that preoccupation lasted me the whole car ride. Ben and Jerry even contributed a few locations. Although, Jerry's were a little improbable. He suggested having sex on top of a white stallion, riding off into the distance. Ben offered the idea of sex on top of a washing machine. I swear, they both were getting crazier and crazier the more I listened to them. It was like feeding a parasite. Or two parasites in my case.

"You're awfully quiet," Edward commented as we pulled up to his swanky apartment building. He had a reserved parking space right next to the door.

"I'm just thinking," I said with a somewhat devious smile.

"Hmm, you might have to share some of those thoughts once we're upstairs," Edward said in a smooth voice.

We could barely keep our hands off each other and the hand Edward had around my waist snaked down to pinch my ass. I would have liked it if we weren't in a lobby worthy of the Ritz where the dress code seemed to dictate that everyone wear cocktail dresses and suits. I was way out of my league here.

"Bella!" someone called out.

A swift glance led me to find Jasper, manning his post at the elevator. He only worked as a security guard of sorts for the apartment complex during his nights. In the day time, he actually worked at a Civil War museum, which was where his true passion was. Or so Alice said. They had gotten engaged after about two months. The wedding was happening any day now. Alice had proclaimed me as her maid of honor. I was still horrified that I would be wearing a bridesmaid dress with my pregnant belly. They were making alterations to my dress, but I was getting rounder every day.

Jasper bestowed me with a quick hug, smiling happily. I'd almost forgotten he worked here. His sister, Rosalie, lived in the penthouse apartment adjacent to Edward's. Emmett proposed to her months and months ago. Everybody was getting engaged and I felt a little left out.

"How's it going?" I asked.

"Oh, you know, same old, same old. How have you been? I hardly ever see you." Edward visited my apartment more than I visited his, so I consequently saw very little of Jasper.

"Oh, I'm peachy. More pregnant than ever," I groaned, patting my abdomen.

"Yes, Edward's been telling me," Jasper smiled, winking at Edward.

I cast a suspicious glance at Edward, who was trying to look innocent. "All good things I hope?"

Jasper laughed, "Of course. He never shuts up about you."

I grinned. Good. "Well, we're heading up to Edward's apartment, so if you don't mind." I gestured to the elevator.

"Oh, right. Go ahead." He stepped aside and we found ourselves riding up past fourteen floors.

"Remember the last time we got stuck in the elevator?" Edward reminisced with a dopey smile on his face.

"Don't say that, you'll jinx it!"

He rolled his eyes. "Like that would be the worst thing in the world."

I conceded. "Yeah, that wouldn't be so bad." I stood on my tiptoes to reach Edward's lips. I meant for it to be a quick peck, but he held onto my hips and pulled me against him, hungrily kissing me. I was on fire, digging my nails into his sleeve, dragging him closer.

A small _ding _startled us. We'd reached his floor. We broke apart, both breathing more heavily than normal. I blushed when I realized a disapproving elderly woman was glaring at us as the doors slid open. Our rumpled, fervent appearance was a huge tipoff.

Edward pulled my hand and we slid out around her. I started giggling that we sneaking around like teenagers, feeling almost drunk. Intoxicated with this whole situation. Edward and I were about to get our funk on. And I was going to enjoy it. Hot damn, I was going to enjoy this. I repeated that to myself when Edward shut his apartment door closed behind us and I felt the butterflies in my stomach begin. It wasn't nerves exactly. I was anxious.

"So, um, here we are," Edward said awkwardly. This was coming from smooth, suave Edward who could charm the clothes off of any girl he wanted. And he was awkward. I almost wanted to laugh.

Folding my hands over my stomach, I agreed, "Yes, here we are." I watched him expectantly.

"This was a lot easier five months ago," he muttered, more to himself than me.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him, pressing my face against his chest. "Everything will be fine," I assured him. His body was very solid against mine and so secure. So warm.

"Promise?"

"Yes, Edward. I promise. And I don't mean just tonight. _Everything _will be ok."

The hand he had wrapped behind my back now slid to my front, resting on my baby bump. Yeah, he knew what I was talking about. Our little baby girl.

"I can't wait for you to move in," Edward admitted, looking like a little boy excited for his birthday present.

I jokingly swept a hand over my large curves. "Yeah, I know you're just dying to have _this _sexiness around. Major eye candy." I snorted for emphasis.

"You really have no clue, do you?"

"About what?"

"How sexy you are," Edward said earnestly, kissing the tip of each of my fingers. "Bella, you're so gorgeous like this. Do you have any idea how much I love knowing our baby is in there and that you're all mine?"

"Oh, I get it," I joked. "You just like it because it's a male thing. Me being pregnant is like you marking your territory. What a caveman." I playfully smacked his chest.

"Damn straight. You're _mine._"

"Oh really?" I asked incredulously. "Because I'm pretty sure I own this." I placed my hand over his heart for emphasis.

Edward laughed in that easy way of his. "Of course you do. But you know what _I _own?"

"What?"

"This." He gestured to all of me.

I rolled my eyes. "A few minutes ago I was your girlfriend. Now I'm the equivalent to a piece of furniture."

"We should get 'Property of Edward Cullen' tattooed on your ass."

"I would sooner get a SpongeBob tattoo."

Edward laughed. "What's wrong with SpongeBob?" Edward was a fucking grown man and if I came over early enough in the morning, I would find him camped out on his couch in boxers, watching SpongeBob and eating Fruit Loops.

"All talk of cartoons must cease if you want any chance of getting laid tonight," I said firmly.

"You're the one who brought it up."

"Touché."

"What would you rather talk about?"

We were still standing the front entryway of his apartment, not having moved since we first stepped in. I used that to my advantage, sliding my hands up to Edward's chest and slowly pressing him back against the door. "How about we do less talking?" I suggested, nipping his ear lightly. I had grown tired of standing around. I knew what I wanted and if I had to take the lead, so be it.

Edward definitely got the hint, his hands wandering all over me. I kissed him on the mouth now. And god, I was enthusiastic. It was an odd sensation, but I felt like every particle of me was being pulled towards him, towards his lips, his hands, his incredible body. I needed all of this. Right now. I was about to combust with the urgency.

My nails were raking across his scalp, gripping his soft, copper hair. I was probably hurting him with the surprising force I used to pin him against the door. But if he was in pain, he certainly didn't say anything. He just kissed me back like he was supposed to, matching my intensity.

Knowing his romantic ideals, Edward probably wanted tonight to be gentle and loving and sweet. But it was just too late. My repressed sexual self had been unleashed and now there was no off switch. And my repressed sexual self was seriously pissed off for not having any action, thus demanding it rough. Edward would have called it kinky. But I really was out of control here.

"Take off your pants," I ordered, my voice low and sultry. Poor Edward obeyed but was probably shaking self-consciously in his boxers, his pants down around his ankles as he struggled to simultaneously remove his shoes.

It was a very entertaining sight, but frustrating. He wasn't moving quickly enough for my tastes. Impatient, I got to my knees and yanked his shoes off myself, bringing down his pants and boxers with them. And there it was. Edward's cock.

It was magnificent, as always. It was standing straight just for me, the veins prominent and looking so proud.

_Pfft, mine is better, _Jerry boasted. _If there are two thing bitches love, it would be ice cream and big dicks._

Although I doubted he could beat Edward, Jerry actually had a point. I _did _love ice cream.

Ben, uncharacteristically, shook his head and said, _Mine is bigger than yours._

Jerry laughed. _No way, man. Not possible._

_It is completely possible, _Ben argued. _Why do you think my wife is so happy all the time?_

_I always thought it was because of the cocaine we put in the ice cream, _Jerry muttered.

_A happy woman is a sexually satisfied woman, _Ben echoed Edward's words.

As interesting as it was to listen to the two of them argue over whose was bigger, I really had more pressing matters at hand. Literally, _at hand. _I had just gripped the base of Edward's dick and was slowly working it over, getting him even more excited.

"That feels so good," he groaned.

I very deliberately looked up at him as I pressed my tongue flat against the underside of his sensitive head. There was something about that view that I had never known any man to dislike. Of course, even if the view wasn't spectacular, it's not like they would complain. They were still getting a blowjob either way. But judging by the delighted gleam in Edward's eyes, he was enjoying this a lot. Maybe too much. How lame would it be if he finished before I'd even gotten out of my dress?

So I pulled away, kissing my way up to his stomach and chest . . . his neck . . . his ear . . . his lips. I pulled him by the black tie he wore, giving him no option in following me to his bedroom. The dress hit the floor before we even made it all the way. And Edward was discarding clothes as quickly as he could, fumbling eagerly to rid himself of the stifling tuxedo. It didn't take long.

As much as I wanted to just stare at every inch of him and memorize all the details that I had forgotten over time, my drive to fuck him silly was relentless. I all but pushed him onto the bed, flattening myself over his body until we were pressed together. He understood that I wanted this so badly. He wanted it, too. I could see that desire burning his eyes, in his expression. In every move he made.

I reached between us and positioned myself above his member. And in no time at all, I was sinking myself onto Edward, feeling him fill me and complete me. We both groaned at the first contact, instantly wanting more. He delivered.

Grabbing my hips, he lifted up against the bed, driving into me roughly. At first they were slow, deep thrusts. And then it became frantic. Shallow, quick. God, it felt amazing. Somewhere in my head, Jerry was commenting that my constant moaning was annoying while Ben said it was simply an expression of satisfaction and to deal with it. But I wasn't paying attention to them. I was focused on Edward. We had waited so long for this. And now it was here and I almost didn't believe it. Maybe this was just a sexy dream and I would wake up in bed alone, hornier than ever.

The ironic part of waiting five months to jump into bed again was that it didn't last long. I knew what Edward's quickened breathing meant. I had listened to several years of him banging Tanya through a thin wall. That gave me enough experience to realize that he was going to be coming any moment now. He realized it, too, even as he gripped onto me, staring into my face and thrusting harder. Yeah, he knew it, but he didn't try to stop. Maybe he knew it was no use.

At least he looked completely wiped out afterwards given the intensity of the session. He clung to me, letting me rest against his sweaty chest. After a few moments of breathing hard, he finally muttered, "Sorry." Maybe he was red from the exertion, but I could have sworn Edward was blushing.

I had just waited five months for about two minutes of sex.

And I didn't care one little bit.

"It's ok," I said sincerely.

Edward looked unconvinced and mortified. "No, it's not. It's just been so long and I didn't . . . I wasn't . . . it's been . . . I was . . . it's been a long time."

"Look at me," I said. He hesitated, but met my eyes. "It doesn't matter. We can try again later. For now, I'm just content to be here with you."

He seemed to believe that I really was ok with it thankfully. However, a petulant expression crossed his face. "If you think that the night is over, you couldn't be more wrong."

"You didn't do anything bad. It's not like you have to make up for it by trying to keep going."

"I'm not making up. I was going to give you intense orgasms one way or another, so don't think the plan has changed." He was dead serious.

Although I'm sure some manly pride needed to be saved by making me climax, I believed that he had been planning this anyway. So I didn't mind whatsoever when Edward started utilizing his hands. Hands were extremely underestimated sometimes. If you watched porn or read romance novels, they always skipped straight to the fucking part. But god, there was something to be said for Edward's fingers, curling perfectly inside me to hit my g-spot or delicately circling my clit.

I almost wanted to cry with all the blissed out emotions I had. I was so sensitive, but Edward kept going determinedly, rubbing my most sensitive spot repeatedly. "Oh god," I crooned, shaking all over. This was something else. Whole universes were aligning and stars were being born and galaxies were stretching before me at the hands of this wonderful man.

He should do the whole premature ejaculation thing more often if this was the outcome. I was practically incoherent by the time my umpteenth orgasm rolled around. The baby was probably high off of the endorphins. As for me, I just wanted to sleep wrapped in Edward's arms for eternity.

"Are you tired, sweetheart?" he asked tenderly.

Given that I was yawning and could barely keep my eyes open, it was a pretty ridiculous question. But I just nodded, hiding my yawn behind my hand. "I could sleep forever. I think you broke my pussy. It will never be the same again."

Edward tried to stifle his laugh, curling his arm underneath me and pulling me close. "I'm sorry it wasn't what you thought it would be."

"Who cares? It was even better."

Edward smiled at that. "Go to sleep now, Bella. We can do this all over again tomorrow morning."

"You have work tomorrow," I accused groggily.

"Not necessarily," he grinned.

I groaned. "You're going to get fired for frequent fucking. And then where will we be? You're going to work tomorrow, ok? You can't take advantage of the company just because you're Carlisle's son."

He sighed. "I can't believe that _you _are the voice of reason."

I was too tired for a snappy retort, so I just snorted and pressed my face into Edward's bicep. "I'm going to sleep."

"I love you."

I was so content. I could have stayed like that forever. And even if the sex itself hadn't been the bomb diggity, god knows the emotional connection was there. Besides, he had definitely taken care of me afterwards.

I smiled against his arm. "I know."

***V*V*V*V***

**Soooo, what did ya' think? Aren't they all adorable now?**


	32. Chapter 32

**Hola, mi amigos! Just WOW, guys. I've gotten a great response now that I'm "alive" again. :D**

**So, here's the deal with this chapter, I'm kind of doing small snapshots of Bella's life and random plot points/ random, funny stuff that I think you guys will enjoy.**

**Read on, my lovelies!**

*V*V*V*V*

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful with that box, Emmett! That has all my kitchen supplies!" I cried helplessly from where I was camped out in the living room. At eight months along, I was severely round. A month or two ago, I would have been helping Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett move boxes into Edward's apartment, or at least making an attempt to. However, the baby had really gotten gigantic and with my back hurting like a bitch, I had simply plopped on the couch, not even bothering to help except for yelling at people that they were doing stuff wrong. (Yeah, I was a real gem, wasn't I?) And by "people", I really meant Jasper, Emmett, and Edward. Rosalie had taken the five steps it takes to get from her apartment to Edward's and had joined me on the couch, enjoying the view whenever Emmett bent down to pick up a box. Alice had made some excuse about being sick, but I suspected she simply didn't want to go through the physical labor. Wimp.

"Pass the strawberry ice cream," Rosalie said, gesturing to the carton I was happily consuming from while lounging on the sofa.

"Hell no." I shot her down immediately. That ice cream was _mine._

_Bella, you should share, _Ben said. _Sharing is caring._

I waited for Jerry's usual snappy retort and none came. I guess he wasn't back from his "vacation" yet. Jerry, upon finding out that Ben really _did _have a bigger dick (don't ask me how he found out. All I could get from Ben was that during a bathroom break there was a urinal involved and somehow Jerry was traumatized), had taken a spontaneous holiday to cheer himself up. Poor guy. Well, maybe not _that _poor. I'm sure he had a few girls on his arms and was partying it up like crazy. However, Ben was driving _me_ crazy with his life lesson bullshit. And Jerry's absence only fueled him since there was no one there to disagree with him. He talked twice as much to pick up the slack. And he was fucking nuts if he thought I was going to give up my strawberry Ben and Jerry's ice cream just because it was the "right thing".

"Are you serious?" Rosalie asked indignantly. "Pass the fucking ice cream."

"No way, blondie," I laughed evilly, licking my spoon.

She scoffed. "Edward! Make your stupid pregnant girlfriend give me the ice cream!" she screeched into the apartment.

Edward appeared from the main bedroom, sweating at the heavy lifting he had done to bring my dresser from the old apartment into this one. "Rose, you should know by now that Bella doesn't share her food well. Give her a break. She has all those pregnancy cravings." Edward looked exhausted, like a weary parent. He was perspiring from all the exertion and he looked damn sexy. I wanted to put the cool, strawberry ice cream on his abs and lick it off.

Yeah, the minute everybody left, Edward and I were going to get our funk on.

"You idiot, I'm pregnant, too, in case you forgot," Rosalie said balefully, rubbing her still flat stomach. After getting married about two months ago, she had announced her pregnancy only last week. Rosalie's wedding had been almost sickeningly perfect and Alice had been pissed off. While Alice's ceremony had been gorgeous as well, even I could tell that Rosalie's wedding had been far more extravagant. And Alice would probably never forget that. She held a grudge like nobody's business. Even though she would never admit it, I just _knew _that Alice was bother by it.

Emmett's deep bass voice travelled through the suite. "I haven't forgotten!" He sounded like he was wearing a dopey grin. He was all psyched for fatherhood. I had never seen Edward and him closer, the both of them bonding over impending parenthood. Rosalie and myself on the other hand . . . I really loved Rose, but the both of us pregnant was going to be utter pandemonium. We both had attitudes on a normal day, but damn. Add some hormones in there and a fight to the death over ice cream, and yeah, the saying "who needs enemies when you have friends like these?" becomes pretty relevant.

Speaking of fights to the death over ice cream, Rosalie was currently struggling to pull the ice cream away from me. Fuck no. That was _so _not happening. We were about two seconds from clawing and scratching when Jasper saved the day by offering up his sister a pint of chocolate ice cream instead. That little bastard. He stole it from _my _private stash of ice cream in the freezer. I repeat: that little bastard. Rosalie happily turned to that and I continued eating my own possessively.

_Jerry would be so disappointed in you, _Ben sighed.

I snorted out loud, though no one knew what I found funny. The idea of Jerry being disappointed in me for doing something bad was almost comical. He was the evil half, after all. But I guess being good pays off. Ben _did _have a bigger package, after all.

I continued to watch the boxes I had carefully packed being unloaded in Edward's front hallway. While I had largely avoided bringing furniture since Edward already had everything over here, I could help but demand that the couch from the old apartment be brought to live with us. Yeah, it looked horrendously out of place and shabby, but that was the couch where everything had started. That was where he had first caught me masturbating. It was important. And although it was a literal pain in the neck to drag in to the penthouse suit, Edward understood. God, I loved that man.

*V*V*V*V*

I rested my head in Edward's lap as we watched some mindless TV show. Living with him felt like the easiest thing now. Honestly, I wasn't sure how I had done without him all those months. We fell back into the old routine we always had, but it was different this time. Instead of hearing the _thump, thump, thump _against my wall as Edward and Tanya went at it, now we were the ones banging that bed. And let me tell you, it felt fucking awesome. Our two minute encounter was a thing of the past. After that first time breaking the dry streak, Edward had been as phenomenal as I remembered.

He would press into me so slowly and gently. And other times, without warning, he would thrust into me as hard as he could. I loved the variances. I never knew what to expect from him. Sometimes he would let me take the lead. Other times, he was Sergeant Edward and totally in charge, every bit the domineering personality he loved playing sometimes. But no matter what kind of mood the sex had, it always ended the same way. He would kiss me sweetly and then lean downwards, cupping my swollen belly, pressing a singular kiss right above my navel.

"Goodnight, mini-Bella," he would whisper.

I had good-naturedly rolled my eyes the first few times. But now, with the due date drawing ever nearer and the baby feeling so real, I loved his affection. I wanted this so badly. I wanted to have my baby girl and just be with Edward forever and ever. And with the way things were shaping up, that really wouldn't be a problem.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked, interrupting my mental monologue.

I smiled. I'd been smiling a lot lately. "I'm thinking about our future."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," I said softly, grinning to myself. I didn't elaborate. I don't think I needed to. He knew.

"We still need to pick out a name for her, you know."

I laughed and shook my head. We had been fiercely debating about this for a while now. Both of us were stubborn. I was dead set on naming her Angela. However, Edward was trying to be all artsy fartsy and wanted to name our baby "Renesmee". You know, Renee and Esme combined? I sure as hell wouldn't put a kid through the torture of being called by a name no one had ever heard of before. As much as I appreciated Edward's efforts to pay homage to our parents, I just couldn't do it. And so we bickered.

"Don't get me started on that, Edward Anthony," I said warningly, invoking the use of his middle name.

He sighed. "We only have a month left. Maybe less if she comes a little early."

I was hoping she was a little bit premature. As much as I already loved her, I was seriously getting sick of carrying her around. My back ached constantly and unless I had a forty pound baby packed in there, I had definitely gained some weight. And that sucked more than a hooker did, but I knew Edward would love me anyway. Actually, Edward had a tiny little fetish for pregnant women. I hadn't discovered this until he had shyly admitted it to me after tenderly lavishing my baby bump with kisses. He said he thought my body was so sexy like this. It kind of made me want to stay pregnant, just for him. But it _so _wasn't worth it. Being pregnant sucked. We were sticking to one child because my hips couldn't deal with this shit.

"Bella, are you even listening to me?"

"What?" I had trailed off in my own thoughts again.

"I'll take that as a no."

"I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

"I was saying that Esme loves the idea of naming her Renesmee."

I groaned. I should have just stayed tuned out. "Of course she does. You want to name the baby after her. Why wouldn't she back it up?" I had failed to mention to Renee I was pregnant until I was at least three months along. That had earned me a major verbal bitch slapping, but now Renee was psyched about a granddaughter. I had a feeling she would be very pleased to have the baby named after her. (Well, at least _partially_ named after her.) Which was why I didn't tell her the baby name options. Edward didn't need any more support on this.

"Don't you want to make our mothers happy?"

I sighed. "I think just having a new baby will make them happy enough. Seriously, we're not naming her Renesmee."

"Oh, I bet I could convince you," Edward said with a devious smile.

From where I was contently resting on his lap, he started to tickle me. What a bastard. He knew how ticklish I was. I screeched and giggled, desperately trying to get away from him. "Uncle! Uncle!" I cried, surrendering and begging for mercy.

Edward ceased his evil work, quirking an eyebrow.

"Fine," I huffed, breathing hard. "We'll name her Angela Renesmee Cullen. Capisce?" He could cope with a middle name. At least I was using the damn name at all.

He looked so happy he could have kissed me. Which, come to think of it, he did.

*V*V*V*V*

"Hello?" I asked, picking up my cell phone. The caller ID said Alice.

With absolutely no hesitation, she practically screamed, "I'm pregnant!"

My jaw dropped. "Holy shit! Are you serious?" I asked gleefully. This was great news. Alice and Jasper were going to have a baby!

"I'm totally serious! I just took like, five pregnancy test kits. I've _definitely _got a bun in the oven."

I would have jumped up and down if I didn't think the baby would start kicking me. "Oh, Alice," I sighed happily. "I'm so happy for you. First me, then Rosalie, and now you. Oh my god, we're all having kids!" But a horrible thought had just occurred to me. "We're all going to be so bitchy from the hormones! We'll rip each others' throats out!"

She laughed happily. "No way!"

She clearly hadn't been witness to the ice cream incident.

*V*V*V*V*

Jerry had been missing for a week. Ben was driving me up the wall. I found Jerry's cynical commentary much more agreeable with my somewhat corrupted nature and Ben's saint like lectures were liable to make me go on a murderous rampage. I had all Yin and no Yang.

_He's just upset about the whole dick thing, _Ben sadly, though there was a hint of smugness.

I sighed. _Jerry, I need you. _

*V*V*V*V*

"Edward, I have something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain. You have to promise that you won't think I'm insane."

"Hey, that rhymed."

"Focus please."

"Ok, right. Yes, Bella. I promise. What is it?"

"I . . . I, uh, I hear voices in my head. Well, two voices. I mean, one kind of went on vacation, so I only have one right now, but I usually have two."

". . . You hear voices?"

"I'm not like, schizophrenic or anything like that. They're kind of similar to having a voice of reason and a voice of impulse. Look, they're really great guys and I just wanted you to know about this before we have this kid and all."

"You sound like a lunatic. You know that, right?"

"You promised, Edward."

"Ok, fine. You're not crazy . . . So you have two guys in your head that, um, tell you what to do?"

"They just comment on my life. You know, like an internal monologue? Except it's more like a dialogue. Don't worry about it. I just wanted you to know."

"And what exactly are these voices like?"

"Well, you know that ice cream brand called Ben and Jerry's?"

"Um, yeah?"

"I have Ben and Jerry in my head. They both like you, though. So don't worry about it."

*V*V*V*V*

_Oh my god! _Ben cried. _Jerry, you're back!_

Tucked under each of Jerry's arms was a Vegas looking showgirl with sequin pasties over their nipples. _What's up, my man? _He chuckled. _I want you to meet Mandy and Brandy. They're twins. _He cocked his eyebrows suggestively.

_Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up, _I interrupted the reunion. _What the hell, Jerry? My brain is invite only. Get the twins out of there._

_We have names, bitch, _interchangeable twin number one scoffed.

_Yeah, _twin number two agreed.

Ben was staring at the both of them with wide eyes. _I agree with Bella. Get them out of here. I'm a married man._

_What the wife doesn't know won't hurt her, _Jerry smiled deviously, twirling twin number two – or wait, maybe it was twin number one? – towards Ben invitingly.

_Oh my lord. Fucking perfect. I can barely focus with just the two of you in there, but now you're adding the wonder twins to the mix? I'm going to go insane, _I cried.

Nobody was listening to me. Jerry was making out with Twin One and Ben was helplessly trying to fend off Twin Two. I was either going to have a riot or an orgy on my hands. Or rather, in my brain. Neither option was appealing.

So I said the one thing I knew would get some attention.

_If the Mandy and Brandy don't leave in ten seconds, I will never eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream again! _

Jerry was flabbergasted. _What did you say?_

_You heard me. Never again._

There was a moment's pause before Jerry turned to the twins. _Sorry, toots. There's one thing I love more than sex. And that's money._

_But, Jerry – , _Twin One started to protest.

_Baby, what about our time together? Didn't that mean anything? _Twin Two demanded.

Twin One gasped. _You mean you slept with him, too?_

Twin Two gasped as well. _Oh my god, he slept with you? He's been playing us the whole time!_

Needless to say, at this realization of Jerry's dastardly ways, the Twins exited my brain, humph-ing.

_Those two were the finest pieces of ass I've ever had. The things I do for ice cream, _Jerry sighed.

Ben chimed in with, _I take it you had a nice vacation?_

_Oh, Benjamin. You have no idea. It's not the size of the ship. It's the motion of the ocean. _Jerry emphasized this statement with gyrating his hips.

Yeah, I had missed him.

*V*V*V*V*

"Edward!" I called, stricken.

"What's wrong?" he replied, knocking on the bathroom door. He could hear the urgency in my voice.

"My water just broke."

*V*V*V*V*

**The next chapter will be a bit more normal as I write about the birth of the baby and all that jazz.**

**JUST A SIDENOTE!**

**I posted a new story due to the impending conclusion of this one. It's called "My Name is not Bella" and I would be eternally grateful if you pimped it out and read it. So yeah, that's it.**

**Much love,**

**MsSailorman**


	33. Chapter 33

**This chapter. Oh lord, this chapter. I was nearly in tears writing it. **

*V*V*V*V*

For all the contact I had with him, it really appeared that Jacob Black had disappeared off the face of the Earth. It's not that I didn't like him – as a matter of fact, I was pretty sure we could be great friends – but the moment he realized I was chummy with the boss man again, he had backed off. Not that I blamed him for backing off. We had made out once in the lunch room at work and after that . . . well, yeah, things were awkward when you were shacking up with another guy. So you can imagine my surprise when Edward stormed into my hospital room looking pissed.

"Why the hell is Jacob Black in the waiting room?"

I was currently in the middle of a contraction. Hello? I was delivering a kid here. But despite the pain south of the border, I registered utter shock. Jake? Here? What the hell? "I have no idea," I hissed, attempting to regulate my breathing like the nurses kept telling me to do.

"So you didn't ask for him to be here?"

You'd think after all the time we spent together and the multiple times a day I told him I loved him, Edward wouldn't be so upset about this. "No, Edward, I didn't. Does it matter?" I didn't care at that point. "Look, I'm kind of having a baby right now, so you can you chill out?" It was true that I was only in my first hour of contractions and the labor was likely to last a while, but still. It was kind of important.

"I'll chill out when that fucker leaves. He has no right to be here."

"He's kind of my friend, you know."

"Yeah, I can tell," Edward said sarcastically. "Especially since you guys haven't talked to or seen each other in months and months."

I sighed as my contraction stopped. "Look, why don't you bring him in and I'll talk to him, ok?"

Edward clearly didn't like that plan of action, but couldn't help but yield, returning to my room with a disgruntled look Jacob in hand. I think he liked Edward almost as much as Edward liked him.

"Jake," I said, smiling. "Long time, no see." I was aware that I looked like crap. I was sweaty, wearing a hospital gown, and pregnant as fuck. Way to go, me.

Jake set down a pot of flowers on my bedside, smiling back. Ah, that beautiful, white smile. "Hi, Bella. I overheard Alice telling Emmett that you were in labor. And well, I just had to come and be here for you." He looked down shyly. "I know we haven't talked in a long time, but I wanted you to know that if you ever need any help with anything at all, I'll be here for you. We may not have made it in the relationship department, but I have no problem settling for friendship."

"Wow, Jake. That's so _sweet. _I would love that." I opened up my arms and Jake took the invitation, hugging me carefully.

He laughed. "Last time I saw you, you were wrapped from head to foot with plaster and had a gazillion bruises."

I grinned. "Yeah, I'm sure I look so much better _now._" I gestured at the gigantic swell of my belly sarcastically. "Oh, shit," I groaned when I felt another contraction starting up. The baby wanted out almost as much as I wanted this to be over with.

"Are you ok?" Jake asked, touching my arm concernedly.

Edward appeared at my other side, touching my cheek. Something weird happened in that moment. Both Edward and Jacob looked at each other, taking in that they were both touching me out of concern. They both cared for me. And it was clear where my loyalty was. Jake was my friend. Edward was my future.

"Black," Edward said in understanding, offering his hand.

"Cullen," Jake acknowledged.

It was some sort of manly trade off, an unspoken agreement. Then Jake smiled at me once more and left the room, presumably to wait with the others.

"What the hell?" I asked Edward.

Edward smiled almost imperceptibly. "We just understand each other, that's all. When he's not trying to take the love of my life away from me, he's actually a pretty cool guy."

*V*V*V*V*

**Approximately Six and a Half Hours Later**

The doctor had announced I was properly dilated about ten minutes ago and I was about to die. I was pushing so damn hard. I was going to break. My room was crowded with nurses and I was squeezing Edward's hand for dear life. He was losing feeling in it, I was sure.

"Edward, I fucking hate you!" I cried as the pain wracked through me. This was the most difficult thing I'd ever done. "You're never allowed to touch me again. No sex ever. I'll beat you back with a ten-foot pole. Oh my god."

"One more push," the doctor hovering between my legs said.

"Ahhh!" I screamed, pushing with every last ounce of strength I had. Then, all at once, I felt ease drift though me. I heard the best sound in the world: my baby girl. She was crying and screaming, but I had done it. I had given birth.

I peered up anxiously, still holding Edward's hand. She was a tiny mass of limbs, so small.

"Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?" The doctor offered Edward.

He nodded and took the pair of scissors, completing the action. And then, it was done. Her life was no longer tethered to mine. She was her own little person.

A nurse took her away momentarily to a little cleaning station, wiping away the mess that birth had caused and bundling my baby in a small pink blanket and pink cap until only her face was visible.

I was dazed, everything aching. Oh god. So much pain. But all worth it, all for my child.

"Edward," I said breathlessly, in awe.

"I know," he replied, equally as reverent.

And in no time at all, the nurse placed her in my arms. She was still crying, poor thing. The love and affection I felt left me feeling like I might burst. I cuddled the small bundled baby to my chest, staring down at her perfect, pink face with wonderment. Edward huddled near me, looking at our beautiful daughter together.

Tears were coming out of my eyes, though I paid no attention to them. Everything in my world shifted. She was gorgeous.

"Edward," I said again, crying this time.

He kissed my temple. "I know, Bella. She's beautiful."

I nodded, unable to keep the joyful tears from pouring out. "There now," I said softly, comforting the crying newborn.

Her sobbing subsided quickly, her eyes closed and her face calm. She fell asleep in my arms, as tired out as I was.

"I love you, Angela," I whispered in her perfect, tiny ear.

*V*V*V*V*

**Isn't that the cutest?**


	34. Chapter 34

**Oh, it's been so long. I apologize. I just got back from a vacation - it was amazing, by the way - and recently rekindled with my laptop. Here's another sweet look into the lives of Edward and Bella post-birth. Their story is winding down sadly. This story has been posted forever and is by far my most popular. I will certainly miss it (and good lord, I'll miss the reviews that come pouring in), but it's almost time to put them to rest, don't you agree?**

**Much love,**

**MsSailorman**

*V*V*V*V*

I nudged Edward sleepily. "It's your turn."

Angela was crying from her nursery. Good god, that kid had a set of lungs. We were still adjusting to being full time parents even after two months of this.

"No, it's yours," he argued tiredly, rolling over and trying to go back to sleep.

"Edward," I said threateningly. "Your daughter needs you."

"She is distinctly calling for you, Bella."

I snorted. "Those cries are clearly saying, 'Daddy, daddy'."

He groaned.

"Ugh, fine," I muttered. "I'll get her. But you owe me."

"I looove you," he called after me as I crept out from under the warm bed covers.

"Oh, go back to sleep, you buffoon," I sniffed, exhaustedly making my way to the nursery.

Her cries grew louder and louder as I drew near. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and found her in the soft pink crib, her limbs flailing around as she whined.

The diaper was clean, so I figured she must be hungry. "Come here, sweetheart," I murmured sweetly to her, picking up my darling daughter and tucking her into my arms, kissing her little pink face.

Her eyes were much darker now, beginning to resemble my brown ones almost perfectly. It was a shame she missed out on Edward's beautiful green eyes, but she was utterly lovely the way she was.

Her cries quieted as I sat in the rocking chair in the corner, lifting my shirt to let her breastfeed. Edward certainly enjoyed the perks of me breastfeeding since my chest was huge now and quite perky – quite a change in bodily scenery given my previous A32 bra size. Not that I breastfed for Edward's sake, but it was a nice bonus to catch his appreciative eyes gazing over my chest discretely.

Angela was a warm little bundle in my arms, yawning when she had her fill. Her coral colored lips formed a tiny "o" and she stretched a little, her eyes closing as she easily drifted back to sleep. I guess she had inherited the "I-can-sleep-anywhere-at-any-time-and-fall-asleep-quickly" trait from her father. Soon, she was cuddled against my chest, soundly unconscious.

I kept a steady rhythm with the rocking chair, leaning back and humming. Before even realizing what had happened, I was drifting off to sleep along with my baby girl.

Of course, being the light-sleeper I was, the sound of Edward cracking the door open gently to peer inside the nursery was enough to wake me. I made bleary eye-contact with him. "What's up?" I whispered.

He toed the ground. "You didn't come back," he mumbled. "I couldn't get back to sleep without you."

I laughed softly at his vulnerable face, cradling Angela. Careful not to jostle her awake, I gently stood and placed her in the pink baby crib, looking down at her with the love in my eyes of every new mother.

Edward placed an arm around my waist, drawing me close. "She's beautiful," he said with an almost religious fascination. He said it every day.

"Well, we all know she got her fantastic looks from me," I teased in a whisper.

Edward missed the sarcasm there, instead nodding in complete agreement. "You are so gorgeous, Bella."

I blushed. You'd think I would have gotten used to that by now. But the utter sincerity of his words always made me a little pink in the face. "Thank you."

"Come back to bed with me," he requested, his voice a breathy heat against my ear.

Goosebumps rose on my skin. I knew what that tone of voice meant. "You have work in the morning."

He put on his innocent face. "Yes, and?" Edward silkily held my wrist, pulling me along, shutting Angela's door behind us.

My heart was beating faster as if I had been ensnared. One of the benefits of having Edward as a boyfriend was that almost every night (multiple times a night, more precisely) there was some kind of sexual contact. While our activity had slowed in light of having a baby, he had always done his best to satisfy me. He was a very giving lover and tonight, I just wanted to give back. He had proven that he could be a responsible person and had more than stepped up to take on the role of fatherhood. For that, I had every reason to be thankful.

As he led me back to our large bed, I slowly pressed him down on the sheets, crawling atop his muscular frame with a hungry look, a look that promised many arousing things in his immediate future that he would likely daydream about post-fact. The long, sensual licks I traced over his stomach made him shift restlessly, his cock stiffening beneath my chest. I trailed up and down his torso before returning to the straining in his plaid pajama pants.

God, I loved this man. He completed everything I was, formed the other half of my soul. Staring up into his eyes, I offered a small smirk. _I know what you want. And even better? I'm going to give it to you, _I thought smugly.

_Fondle his balls. Men like that, _Jerry advised me wisely.

The tiny, annoying voice in my head nearly made me gag – and I hadn't even _tried _deep-throating yet, so I knew it was severely premature. Hearing the phrase "fondle his balls" was disturbing by itself, let alone coming from what I envisioned as a greasy, middle-aged, womanizing ice cream salesman.

_Jerry, for once in your life, would you withhold your opinion? _Ben asked exasperatedly. _Bella was just getting to the good part and you ruined it._

"Is everything ok?" Edward asked, noticing my hesitation. He knew I had no aversion to sucking his dick – because hey, it wasn't like I hadn't done it before – so he must have concluded that something else was bothering me.

"Um, just my brain being disturbing as usual," I admitted.

Edward gave way to long pause. "Is it . . . is it that voice again?"

"Voices," I corrected. "But yeah, Jerry this time. I told you about him, remember?"

Edward was clearly struggling with that fact that his girlfriend heard voices. It had been an odd fact for him to learn about me and he had a hard time coming to terms with it, but to his credit he nodded and asked, "That's the devil one, right? And Ben is the angel?"

I smiled. Devil was a pretty accurate description of Jerry. "Yeah, that's right."

"What did he say this time?" Edward had gotten (somewhat) used to my internal cast of characters, even going so far as to observe when I made a funny face, guessing that Ben or Jerry – usually Jerry – had said something crass. Now wasn't an exception.

"He said to 'fondle his balls. Men like that'," I repeated with an eye roll.

Edward – who may I say was in the very odd position of having his penis waving about in the air, pants pull to his ankles, robe pulled open to reveal the sparse hairs on his chest, and lying back on the bed with his weight propped on his elbows – had somehow stopped mid-action and was having a conversation with me. Given the size of his erection, I was surprised there was enough blood flow to his brain for coherent speech. "Bella, men _do _like that," he argued.

"Just what I need," I said good-naturedly. "Another Jerry in my life."

"Well, maybe this Jerry has the right idea," Edward mused.

_You and Edward have my official blessing to hop on the good foot and do the bad thing, _Jerry said solemnly, crossing himself as if he was a minister bestowing the blessings on behalf of the almighty.

Ben was still puzzling over what the innuendo of 'hop on the good foot and do the bad thing' actually meant.

"I can't believe you just agreed with him!" Normally, I spent my day trying to disregard Jerry. This was unprecedented.

"He's not real," Edward said in his defense.

_Why, you little bast—_

_Jerry! _Ben interrupted.

_Blessings revoked. Consider them null and void, _Jerry said, stubbornly crossing his arms and huffing.

I laughed. "He may be in my head, but that doesn't mean he's not real."

"Bella, you worry me sometimes."

This only spurred more laughter. "Oh, Edward. The fun has only just begun."

I proceeded to pleasure him – as they say – _with gusto._

***V*V*V*V***

**Ben and Jerry are quite possibly my favorite characters ever. **


	35. Chapter 35

***Sigh* It's been a long road, hasn't it? One more chapter after this, I believe.**

**I hope you all have had a fantastic time reading this as much as I have had writing it.**

**Love to all,**

**MsSailorman**

*V*V*V*V*

Life as a parent was like some great cosmic joke. It sucked ass and yet seeing that little girl smile every day was my driving motivation. Yeah, the hours were cruddy and I sometimes felt like repeatedly walking into a wall when she was having a stubborn day, but I loved her to pieces. Like, seriously. Sometimes, I wanted to hug her hard enough to break her. She was just that cute. Tiny, smiley, curious, beautiful. You wanted to wrap her up and keep her safe from all the evils of the world and kiss her repeatedly.

Angela was getting bigger every day. Nine months old and just beginning to walk. She still had constant topples, but her little fleshy legs wobbled persistently until she got to where she wanted to go – which was usually right to me. I have no trouble admitting that I was totally her favorite person. She had separation anxiety. Being a stay-at-home mom had us together nearly 24/7 except for those blessed parts of the day called nap time. But spending that much time together and bonding so intensely had made sure that I was always high on her list of favorites.

Grandpa Charlie visited every weekend – he still wasn't totally onboard with me shacking up and conceiving with a man I wasn't married to – and took Angela with him on walks around the concrete jungle. We living an urbanite life, but he would happily tuck her into his arms and do a few laps around the apartment building. Unorthodox, but she knew what to expect now. Her tiny arms would reach for Grandpa Charlie whenever she saw him, knowing that she would be picked up and taken for a stroll. She loved the change in environment as far as I could tell. She smiled a lot afterwards. But then again, she always smiled. One of the happiest babies I knew.

Renee had immediately flown in when news of me going into labor had reached her. And Renee, being the impulsively driven person she was (where do you think I got it from?), had a teary breakdown about how our family was separated and we weren't close anymore and why the hell didn't I call more often and blah-blah-blah. This had led to the brilliant solution of her moving back to Forks. Phil, accustomed to his wife's nature, had shrugged and nodded. They were currently living in my old apartment until more permanent housing became available.

Charlie and Renee acted weird around each other, especially since Charlie had delivered news of him dating Sue Clearwater, an Indian woman I had known since early childhood. She made fucking awesome fish fry that still makes my mouth water whenever I remember it. I guess it was weird for Renee to realize that Charlie was moving on now – finally. But she seemed happy for him. And with both of them frequently stopping in – unannounced, by the way – she could no longer complain about our family not being close. We were a little bit too close in my opinion, but nobody ever asked me.

Sometimes, I swore that Angela was on my side in all this. She would cry and screech – good god, that child could put a banshee to shame – when Grandma and Grandpa were over to the point where it was decided they should just go home. The minute the door shut, she was back to normal, practically smirking. _Smart kid. _

We would pass our time with me learning how to cook increasingly complex recipes with my spare leisure and I would tickle her soft, round tummy before bed time and then we would settle in her pink nursery so I could read to her for bed time.

Edward always got home a little after story time, just long enough to kiss her good night and tell her that Daddy loves her very much. He was working so hard at the office now. He had always been a lazy boss and most people – myself included – had assumed he was only at his job because of being his father's son. It was easy to forget how competent he was.

We'd gotten news recently that Carlisle was sick. And not oh-I-have-a-cold kind of sick. Esophageal cancer. He'd been having a sore throat and a hoarse voice for a while. The docs finally wondered if it was something more. They said he had a good chance. It was labeled inoperable due to the cancer spreading around important arteries, but he was due for chemotherapy any day now. It was a shame that his golden hair would fall out. But Edward had realized how much the company needed a leader if his father passed away and while Carlisle was receiving treatment, he had been busy running a corporation.

Esme was worried, but she hardly showed it. She smiled whenever she saw Angela and she always looked immaculate. But if you looked at her close enough, you could see the tension in her posture, the distance in her eyes. I was scared for Carlisle, too. And Edward had divulged that cancer ran in his family. That, of course, had sent me on a paranoid misadventure to get Angela tested for any signs of abnormality and I had all but forced Edward to get tested immediately. They were both fine, of course, but I had that little worry on my shoulder.

Aside from Carlisle's bleak story, there was happiness to be found.

Rose and I had managed to not kill each other through our simultaneous pregnancies after learning the important lesson of buying more than one tub of ice cream because sharing just wasn't in our repertoire. She had given birth to a baby boy named Benjamin Jasper McCarty. Jasper was of course thrilled to have a nephew with his name. I thought it was sweet. Jerry found it hilarious while Ben nodded on happily like the great, patriarchal figure I had always known.

Alice and Jasper had an absolutely gorgeous baby girl named Bree Rosalie Hale. I was pretty sure Jasper felt obliged to name his child after Rosalie in return, but whatever. She was every bit the southern belle of the ball Alice had dreamed of with her twinkle-blue eyes and blonde hair. Secretly, Alice talked to her in a southern accent, hoping it would catch on even though we lived really close to Podunkville, USA. I had walked in on her cultural display and it was our little covert knowledge because hey, everybody has dreams.

In summation, my two best friends were married to great people and had coincidentally started families at the same time. I had my own wonderful boyfriend and a beautiful daughter. Hell, even Jake had started dating some chick named Leah. Lots of happy endings all over the place. Despite his sickness, Carlisle still glowed joyfully every time he got within a ten foot radius of his granddaughter. It was a comfortable life we led. And that was just reality. In my head, things were even more interesting.

Ben and Jerry had hit it big with their new ice cream flavor: Schweddy Balls. It took Jerry's dirty mind to use the old Saturday Night Live joke and Ben had concocted a delicious ice cream flavor to accompany it. Needless to say, they were rich now. And as such, they had decided to vacate my head permanently.

It had been a surprisingly tearful goodbye. Ben was packing up boxes for his big move to the Hamptons with his wife and Jerry . . . well, Jerry had done something completely unexpected.

Mandy and Brandy, he Vegas twins he had brought to my brain evidently had a younger sister named Candy (their parents were really cruel). Candy was a no-nonsense kind of girl who, ironically, was a dentist. She, in Jerry's words "is super mega awesome foxy hot chick that gives any guy some Schweddy Balls". But she kept him in line and they worked well together. Jerry moved into her place (some other person's brain was my guess) and I found myself on the brink of tears. I never thought I would miss either of them given the vast annoyance they caused in my life. But there I was, crying like a fool. And I didn't even have the excuse of pregnancy hormones or pain killers anymore.

_But who w-will give m-me advice now?_

Ben and Jerry looked at each other and then at me.

_You can carve your own path now, Bella, _Ben said gently.

Jerry, in an unusual show of emotion, burst into tears. _Damn it, I told myself I wouldn't cry._

Ben patted his pack. _It's ok, Jerry. It's time._

_Time for what? _I demanded.

_Time for us to go and let you live your own life. We did what we intended to do and now your life is on track, _Ben informed me.

Jerry tearfully said, _You did good, kid. Real good._

And just like that, they disappeared with a puff of smoke. For once, my brain was quiet. I would have been horribly depressed if not for the fact that I was distracted by Angela crying from her play pen. Everybody was crying today.

And off I rushed to be a mother. I was discovering that it was something I was good at.

***V*V*V*V***

**Have no fear. This is not THE END. Not yet, anyway. Spare a review?**


	36. Chapter 36

**Oh, lahwdy. It's over, chickadees. This roller coaster has stopped and the new load of people are getting on. To those of you who kept your hands and arms inside the vehicle, good work. And if you sacrificed a limb or two in this crazy ride, it certainly didn't go unnoticed.**

**There are so many people who helped this story come to life. I don't have any editor or beta to thank, but the many reviewers who left me great comments and gave me the courage and patience to press onwards. I unleashed a few tears as I put this bad boy to rest, but writing this insanity has been a blast and I look forward to shaking up the fanfic community with more stories to come.**

**Thank you to everyone and happy reading. :D**

**-MsSailorman**

*V*V*V*V*

Edward kept fidgeting nervously. His hair was a mess from running his hand through it repeatedly and sweat was gathering on his forehead. He looked sick.

"Baby, what's wrong?" We'd been calling each other "babe" and "baby" for a little while now, but it still felt weird to say.

He looked away. "Oh, nothing. It's just really hot in here, don't you think?" Tugging at his tie, he struggled to cool himself down.

I shrugged at him. We were at some upscale restaurant in Seattle that I couldn't remember the name of. I had left Angela with the other rug rats – Bree and Benjie. Alice was playing babysitter tonight. We usually took turns to watch all three kids, but it was getting more difficult since Rose was pregnant again. With twins. I was reasonably sure Rose and Emmett hadn't waited the recommended four to six weeks before having sex again. But they both were excited to be having more babies. And Rosalie was evidently made to be a mom. She glowed like a blonde goddess whilst pregnant and had quickly decided to become a baby making machine. She recently confided in me that she wanted seven kids.

_Seven, Rose? Jeez. I can barely keep up with one._

_I love kids. Seven is a perfect number._

_Why?_

_Well, seven is lucky. And anything over seven is getting into octo-mom territory._

My friends were insane. But presently speaking, Edward and I were baby free and on a date in some dimly lit restaurant that didn't even list prices on their menus. Today marked the two year anniversary of Angela's conception. And yeah, that was kind of a creepy thing to celebrate, but it was a pretty memorable event. And even though I had regretted it at the time, I now saw it as the spark for the happiest, most wonderful thing in my life. So we were having a mini-fiesta in a no-children zone. I had to admit that if Alice wasn't somebody I would entrust with my own life, I would have been much too paranoid to let Angela out of my sight. Even with complete conviction in Alice's parenting abilities, a nagging part of my brain was fretting.

Of course, my worry was nothing compared to Edward's – who coincidentally looked like he might pass out.

"Is something on your mind?" I asked gently, trying not to demand he tell me outright what was bothering him. It was tempting, I do admit.

He shook his head and offered me a smile. "Just glad to be eating with the most beautiful woman in the world." He may have been working up an ulcer, but he never lost his charm. Those Cullens, always charming the panties off of everybody. I had been reasonably sure that half their power over the opposite sex came directly from their messy, beautiful hair. But Carlisle, now having undergone several chemotherapy treatments, was completely bald and still managed to be gorgeous and endearing. Those Cullens really were a wonder.

We talked about inane things for a while. Car insurance, Angela's habit of touching a person's face to direct their attention, how cute Emmett and Rosalie were together, how Esme was holding up. Dessert finally arrived. I had been taking culinary classes from a local school and I found myself analyzing how exactly the chocolate work of hard had been created. It was a dream that I knew would have to wait, but I wanted to open a restaurant someday. Edward raised his champagne glass.

"To us," he said in almost a whisper, his voice meant for me alone. We clinked glasses and drank. "I know this has been a crazy ride, Bella. We have been through so much together and we beat the odds. Through all the mistakes and fights and insanity, we are stronger than ever. You are the most incredible woman I have ever known. You're smart, beautiful, witty, and you always surprise me. God, that sounds so cliché. But it's so true. You have no idea how true it is. I love you with every last bit of my soul and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You've been my best friend for half my life and you've been there for me when nobody else was. I think I've always loved you and it took something out of this world to make me realize. And now we have a beautiful girl together. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Bella, and I can't wait to prove day after day how much I mean every word I'm saying."

Through his speech, I sat in awed silence, my heart bursting in the best way. A kind of overload that made me feel lighter and dizzy. Something in the back of my brain told me to memorize this moment, every detail, every sensation. It was going to be important, I knew it. I took a mental tally of it all. Edward's copper hair gleaming, his green eyes so focused on me, his lips full and slightly moist, the clean shaven skin of his square jaw. Any attempt to pay attention to the table cloth or the food or the atmosphere was wasted. Everything was Edward. Edward, Edward, Edward. He was the only person that existed.

Then he got down on one knee and opened a small, velvet box, grasping my hand tightly and staring up into my eyes. "Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?"

The rest, as they say, is history.

*V*V*V*V*

I had wanted the wedding in June. Edward was, of course, a stubborn ass and declared firmly that the wedding should be in winter. His explanation was that I would look beautiful amongst the snow. It was lame, but I fell for cheesy crap like that. So a winter wedding it was.

"You guys, I think I'm going to barf," I wailed, nervous rumblings unleashing themselves on my stomach.

Alice backed up in caution. "Not on my shoes, Bella!" I didn't give a damn about her shoes. I was, however, concerned about throwing up on my six-thousand dollar dress. That would have been bad.

Rosalie, a fearless pregnant warrior, patted my hair and rubbed my back. It had been interesting finding bridesmaid dresses to accommodate her severely pregnant tummy, but Rose could have pulled off a potato sack. "You need to relax."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," I bitched, doubling over and groaning. I was going to be sick. I just knew it.

"Don't try and be a Queen B to me, Bella Swan." She paused and laughed. "Man, that's the last time I'll be able to call you that. You're going to be Bella Cullen in like, ten minutes."

That thought did not help my anxiety. It wasn't like I didn't want to marry Edward. Believe me, I couldn't wait to be able to fuck him and not have parental units on my back about sin and brimstone because we weren't husband and wife. I should have been sprinting down the aisle. But I had a healthy fear of attention and change. And this was the ultimate of both.

A knock on the dressing room door startled me. Charlie poked his head in. "Bells, it's time."

_Yeah, get out there and show them what you're made of! _A familiar voice chimed in my head.

_Oh my god, Jerry? _

The dynamic duo materialized in my head.

_Ben? What are you guys doing here? _My excitement was enough to make me forget that I was close to hurling.

Ben smiled, much tanner now and wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I guess the Hamptons agreed with him. _You didn't think we would miss your wedding, did you?_

Jerry looked so happy that I almost didn't recognize him. A wedding ring glistened on his left hand. _Yeah, we may be voices in your head, but that doesn't mean we don't have standards._

I had been so shocked and pleased at their sudden arrival that my change in mood triggered alarm from Rosalie and Alice.

"You ok?" Alice asked.

I nodded, grinning. I could do this if I had my two internal buddies with me for the ride. "I've never been better."

Gripping Charlie's arm, I marched out and queued up for my big entrance. The traditional song was playing and I repressed the urge to hurry up because after all, I had a gorgeous man waiting for my hand in marriage.

Edward looked delectable, his smile huge and nearly overwhelming the rest of his features. He wanted me up there with him just as much as I did. But this agonizingly slow walk was the last time we would have to be apart, the last time we would have to wait in this burning anticipation. I knew that if I looked around, I would see the smiling faces of my friends and family. The only time my gaze veered from Edward was to admire the grinning baby Emmett was holding. Emmett, as best man, had the honor of carrying Angela up the aisle, sprinkling flowers from a little basket in her stead. She was dressed in a mini version of the bridesmaid dresses that Esme had painstakingly copied and she watched the proceedings with a big, happy smile, like she knew exactly what was going on. She snuggled into Uncle Emmett's chest and gurgled a little, eyes on me.

_Good lord, she's gotten big, _Jerry muttered.

Ben nodded in agreement. _They grow up so fast, don't they?_

_I was talking about the blonde chick, _he snorted.

And suddenly the moment arrived when Charlie placed my hand in Edward's. I don't really remember much. The vows, the prayers, the people. Any of it. The only important part was that Edward and I were staring into each others' eyes, silently promising all the wonderful things in the world.

After the "I do's", Edward swept me close to his body and kissed me gently. I realized my cheeks were wet from happy tears and I just sniffed and shrugged, knowing that I didn't give a damn. That's what they made veils for anyway, right?

My happiness was astounding to me. Could anything truly be this perfect?

As Edward took my hand and led us down the aisle as husband and wife amidst volleys of rice, I knew the simple answer: yes.

*V*V*V*V*

**You didn't think Ben and Jerry were gone forever, did you? ;)**

**Much love,**

**MsSailorman, over and out.**


	37. Chapter 37

**I couldn't help but leave the story with this little extra I wrote a while ago about when Emmett proposes to Rosalie. Obviously, they got their happily ever after, but how did they get there? Hopefully, this will make you laugh and ease the blow of parting with the story.**

***V*V*V*V***

Emmett

I felt like I'd been immersed in water. Sweat was drenching my whole body and I furiously blinked it out of my eyes, tapping my foot impatiently. This restaurant was too fucking hot. I pulled at the collar of my dress shirt. I'd made an effort to dress up, both because this place was very expensive and refined, and also because hey, I was proposing to my girlfriend tonight. And I wanted to look good doing it. Although, at the current moment, my shirt was clinging to me with all of the sweat. She was fifteen minutes late and I was getting really antsy. I started drumming my fingers on the table, along with my thumping foot. If Rosalie didn't get here soon, I was going to be forced to start a fucking Stomp mock band.

A waitress tapped on my shoulder. "Excuse me, sir, but would you kindly stop? You're disturbing the other guests."

I looked around and saw that I was indeed being stared at. "Oh, right. Sorry." I jammed my twitchy hand into my pocket where the feeling of the small box that housed the engagement ring just served to make me even more jumpy.

"Are you all right, sir?"

"I'm proposing tonight," I admitted to the complete stranger. Maybe it would help ease my nerves. I squeezed the box tightly in my pocket, afraid I'd break it with the pressure.

A look of understanding washed over her face and she smiled brightly at me, winking. "Good luck."

I nodded, smiling back a bit. "Thanks . . . ," I snuck a glance at her nametag, "Jenny."

And my Rosie appeared out of nowhere. And she did not look happy. Gorgeous and fine as hell in a tight, red dress, but not happy.

"Rosie!" I exclaimed, surprised at her suddenly appearance. I stood up awkwardly, knocking my chair down in the process. Christ, I was jumpy.

"Emmett," she said coldly, her eyes appraising Jenny as if she was competition. Without hesitation, she sat down across from me and continued to glare at the poor waitress until she was scared off and practically ran away.

"What's wrong?" I asked, somewhat frightened of the answer. I may have been a grown man that stood at six-foot-eight, but Rosalie Hale scared the shit out of me.

Her gaze was icy. "I'd like to know why I've been made to dress up and go some hoity-toity restaurant with incredibly overpriced food that doesn't even taste that good when obviously all you're interested in doing is flirting with the waitresses and staring at their tits."

Dear god, this wasn't going well.

My mouth gaped open like a fish, her insinuation so out of left field.

She took it as not having an excuse. "Screw you, Emmett. I don't have to put up with this." My beautiful Rosie went to stand and I caught her wrist in panic.

"Sit down, please. I'm begging you." Christ, maybe I _shouldn't _have done this so soon. We'd only known each other for a month, but I'd fallen head over heels in love with this woman. She was sassy and strong, but soft and sweet when she wanted to be. And I was lucky enough to experience that a lot of the time. _Not right now, though._

She gave me a pair of narrowed eyes.

"Rosie, I swear, I was just looking at her fucking nametag. That's all I was doing."

"What's her name then?"

"Jenny," I responded immediately.

"Why'd she wink at you?" she demanded.

I stared at her. I couldn't tell her without ruining the surprise. And I hadn't been planning to propose when under interrogation. "I think it might have been an eye twitch."

"That's bullshit."

"Just let it go, baby."

She glared at me. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. "You listen to me, Emmett McCarty, I will _not_ put up with bullshit. I want honesty from you at all times and I'll return the same favor."

I gulped. "Yes, ma'am."

"Why did you tell me to dress up?"

"Because I wanted to tonight to be special."

"You wanted? As in you don't want it to be special anymore or as in you still do, but you don't think it's special anymore because you were making goo-goo eyes at the waitress?"

"For god's sake, I wasn't make goo-goo eyes at the waitress!" I shouted, effectively getting the attention of everyone within a fifty-foot radius. "Why are you being so goddamn difficult?" I said in a hushed voice.

"Because I've dated some real scumbags in the past and I don't want it to happen again."

I sighed. "I'm trustworthy, baby."

"And how do I know that?"

"You'll just have to trust me," I said lamely.

She snorted and quickly changed topics in her line of questioning. "Why are you all sweaty?"

"Um . . . it's really hot in here."

"No, it's not."

"Well, not for you. Look at what you're wearing." I actually took a good look at her for the first time tonight.

Her hair was all wavy and gold and it looked perfectly soft. I wanted to reach out and touch it. And sweet baby Jesus, her dress . . . oh my god. Cleavage, curves, ass, legs. It was all accentuated and made perfect. I felt a growing problem below the equator.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Because you look so damn sexy."

Rosie actually smiled for me coyly. "Thank you, Emmett. You're still in trouble, though."

"Would I be out of trouble if I got you the best gift you've ever gotten?" I'd been planning to wait until after the meal and we hadn't even gotten the fucking breadsticks yet. But she was wearing me down and she probably didn't even realize.

She arched an eyebrow at me. "And what might that be?"

I reached into my pocket and withdrew the little box. I got on one knee in front of her. "Rosalie Hale, will you marry me?" I popped open the little box as I asked.

At first her expression was shocked and then joyful and then utterly confused. "Emmett, of course I'll marry you. But where's the ring?" she asked.

My eyebrows furrowed. I looked at the box I was holding and angled it towards me.

_Holy shit!_

Where was the fucking ring? How was I supposed to fucking propose without the fucking ring?

Then something registered in my brain. She said yes.

_Holy shit again!_

I looked at my Rosie with my eyes wide. She said yes. I was off my knees and scooping her into the air before I had another thought. "This woman is going to be my wife! She said yes! She said yes! I'm going to marry this wonderful woman!" I hollered for the whole restaurant to hear me, swinging Rosie around and around in circles.

"Emmett, put me down before I hurl," she begged, gasping for breath, hanging onto the table for support once she was on the ground again.

The restaurant broke into applause.

I couldn't stop grinning. "I love you, Rosie."

She chuckled. "I love you, too, you giant ape. God, I'm relieved. I thought you asked me here to break up."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you haven't been talking to me," she frowned. "Sorry, that's why I was all paranoid about the waitress."

"I was too busy trying to keep this a surprise."

Rosie nodded. "I realize that now." Out of nowhere, she grabbed me by my soaking shirt collar and pulled me in for a very public make out session.

Our fellow diners hooted at us and applauded some more.

I was preoccupied with the feeling of her in my arms, soft and curvy. And tall. God, she was tall. I loved it. Her lips were like satin and her tongue was impatiently moving against mine. She broke away for a minute and breathed low in my ear. "I want you to fuck me, Emmett."

My eyes widened. Holy shit.

"Do you know where the ring went, though? I mean, I'd like to make this official."

Ok, wow. Mood ruined.

Right, the ring. That was a serious issue considering how much I'd paid for it. It had certainly cost a pretty penny to find a diamond big and pretty enough to fit Rosie's personality and taste. And to be honest, I could never compete with Rosie's fortune. But I'd provide for her what I could. "Shit, I forgot to put it in the damn box before I came here. I was so nervous I wasn't thinking straight."

"Let's skip dinner. I want my ring."

I laughed and agreed. Hell, I would have agreed to anything in that moment. I was going to marry my girl.

The drive to my apartment to get the ring was fucking distracting. Rosie had evidently decided that me proposing was the sexiest thing ever and made no effort to keep her hands off of me. Which was pretty great news for the Moby the Dick, but it nearly caused me to run into a few cars.

She had her hands all over me and she boldly unzipped my pants in the middle of me driving and started stroking my erection slowly, just to tease me.

"Rosie," I nearly groaned. "We're going to crash if you keep that up."

She ignored me and circled my head with her fingers a few times. My eyes crossed a bit.

"Fuck. Seriously, Rosie. Wait until we get to my apartment."

"Fine." Her eyes were mischievous. She leaned back in her seat and spread her legs as far as she could in the car. And she started masturbating, right in front of me. And holy fuck, the woman wasn't wearing panties. A girl after my own heart.

_Sweet baby Jesus, don't let me crash this car._

I tried not to look too much, but the sexy sounds she was making made it very hard not to stare like my inner-pervert was dying to do. I wanted to own that pussy. I wanted to be fucking king of her pussy. Moby the Dick wanted to create a permanent home there.

"Mm, drive faster, Emmett," she urged in a breathy voice, leasing another moan.

My foot stepped down harder on the gas pedal. I swear that god was on my side. We hit every green light. Even god knew that Rosie was smoking hot and that I was going to spontaneously combust unless I had sex with her very soon.

I fumbled with the apartment keys as Rosie clung to my side and grazed her teeth along my ear. Finally, access was granted and I rushed to my bedside table where I had left the ring. It was lying innocently there, casting light despite the lack of it.

I snatched it up and got down on one knee again. "Rosie, will you be my wife?"

She laughed that I had asked again and nodded her head vigorously. "Yes."

I smiled widely and slid the ring on her finger.

Her mouth dropped into an "oh" shape as she looked at it. "Emmett, this is beautiful. It's gorgeous."

"Like you."

She suddenly slung her leg over my shoulder from where I was kneeling. "Mm, why don't you make your future wife come? That's a good way to kick off the engagement, right?"

Grinning at her aggressiveness, I tilted my head up and lapped at her pussy, passing over her clit and making her knee buckle.

"Oh, god," she moaned.

"No, not god. The name is Emmett."

"Shut up. Keep licking," she commanded, grabbing my hair and pulling my face into her pussy again.

And lick, I did. By the time I was done making her come, Rosie couldn't stand anymore. She was panting, laying on my bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Fuck," she whispered.

"Don't mind if I do," I laughed.

Her eyes flicked up to mine and she smiled a sexy smile. She patted the bed next to her, looking like she owned it more than I did. Rosie had never been in my bed before, but she looked so comfortable and I wouldn't have minded if she became a permanent fixture there.

I laid down and neither one of us moved for a moment.

"I love you, Emmett."

"I love you, too." I smiled.

She moved and rolled on top of me, straddling my hips.

I groaned. Moby the Dick was confined very tightly at the moment. And he loved the shit out of it.

Rosie started grinding her hips and I hung onto her, cursing in my head. This girl was going to make me come and she'd barely done anything aside from dry humping. Fuck.

"Rosie, slow down a minute, ok? Wouldn't want this to end too soon."

The grinding stopped. She sat on me, breathing hard and her hands on my chest. "So fuck me already."

Well, she didn't beat around the bush. She grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled it over her head in one fluid motion. Christ, no bra either. Which meant that I had a naked woman on top of me. No, it meant that _Rosalie _was naked on top of me. She was more than just a random woman. That did absolutely nothing to keep Moby the Dick from getting too excited.

"Where are your condoms?"

"My w-wallet," I stuttered, staring at her breasts. I wasn't going to lie. They were . . . heavenly. Instinctually, I reached up and cupped each one, engulfing them in my hands. Now, I had big hands because hey, I'm a big fucking dude. I'd never met a set of girls I couldn't fondle properly. But those babies were big and overflowed around my palms. Fuck. I was picturing my dick between those soft mounds, rubbing, aching, soft, wet, warm. Jesus.

Rosie laughed at my mesmerized state. She reached into my pocket and withdrew my wallet, deftly fishing out the condom. This was highly unusual for me.

Under normal circumstances, I was always the one in control. And now I was lifelessly trapped underneath Rosie, not in control and my brain not functioning. I couldn't process past the fact that I was touching her breasts. My inner four year old was gleefully shouting, "_Boobs! Boobs!"_

"Don't just hold them. Do something with them," she instructed, amused but impatient.

As ordered, I started to massage her breasts, rolling her nipples between my fingers.

She gave a little moan of approval, sliding down the zipper of my slacks.

_Dear lord._

Her hand was fisted around my dick and she was pumping up and down. So agonizingly slow. The pad of her thumb brushed along my head and I shuddered.

"Emmett, your cock is so big, baby," she said happily, stroking faster.

Aside from the fact that my ego went soaring, I really was having control issues. It seemed that my hips were going rogue, but I couldn't stop myself from thrusting into her hand.

Almost as impatient as I was, Rosie went all porn star and unrolled the condom over my dick . . . with her mouth. Which was fexy. That's right, fexy. Fucking sexy.

"Ugh," she spat, "why does latex taste so bad?"

I didn't know. I didn't care. I wanted her.

My hands were on her hips, insistently guiding her over my waiting cock. Impatient little fucker, twitching like a traitor. It was so –

Oh, fuck. Jesus. Shit. Damn. Hallelujah.

I was inside her.

I think I just saw Heaven. The gates were as golden as the small blonde hairs at the top of her pussy. _There is a god. _

My brain was like a slushy machine after that. It kept rotating and spinning and turning, but in the end, it was still a pile of gooey deliciousness. Slushies were delicious, that is. I doubted my brain would be great grub. Unless you were a zombie . . .

_Fuck, man. Focus. You have a girl on top of you._

I grabbed her hips and that bed shook as if an earthquake was rattling the whole town. Festive fuckery took place and there was much rejoicing. Metaphorical fireworks were lit as I came. And then she came and I'll be damned if I'd ever seen anything so sexy.

The sex was fantastic. But most importantly? I was going to be having awesome sex every day for the rest of my life . . . and the whole marriage thing, too. But really, it was about the sex.

*V*V*V*V*

**Reviews?**


	38. Chapter 38

**I couldn't leave this story alone without adding this small extra! Ben and Jerry have become their own characters and I felt the need to pay tribute and explain their backgrounds a bit. This all takes place pre-Bella. Enjoy!**

**MsSailorman**

**P.S. Check out my new one-shot "Dat Ass"! (Nice title, right?)**

***V*V*V*V***

In land of Special Hiatus Inhabitance Technology (S.H.I.T.), a council meeting was being held. S.H.I.T. was a league of a bunch of crazy ass people, if you asked me. Ignoring the fact that I was a member myself, I could say that pretty objectively. Basically, our lives' work was to invade a person's mind and counsel them until they were done being morons. It sounded simple, but we could be stuck in a person's mind for years on end, privy to every thought. And usually, they were assholes.

At the moment, the council was convening to decide how I would be punished. I hadn't done a great job last time. But seriously, just because the guy had interpreted my advice to "live a little" as "I should go rob a bank" wasn't my fault.

"Jerry Greenfield," the Easter Bunny addressed me. The council was made up of the kind of characters you would assume were make believe, but actually globe-trotted and helped people out. Who on Earth would ever want to take advice from the Easter Bunny was beyond me because hey, it was a dude that laid eggs. That put him in the same category as a platypus – an egg-laying mammal. That being said, the Bunny was fucking scary. He may have looked cute and cuddly until he started biting your face off with those huge chompers of his. I'd seen it happen.

"Your last mission was a complete and utter failure, the likes of which is disgraceful to the league of Special Hiatus Inhabitance Technology," Thumbelina said in her squeaky voice, stern as always. Her pant suit was looking unusually well dry-cleaned today. But she had a smoking hot body, even though she was really tiny. I wondered if my dick would even fit in –

"Greenfield, pay attention!" the Bunny snapped.

I nodded, attempting a stab at humor. "Hey, I was just living up to our company name, guys."

Stone-faced silence. What a harsh crowd. Sometimes I swore they only kept me around for the free ice cream.

"You endangered your ward's life!" Rudolph chimed in. (Yes, Rudolph the fucking red-nosed reindeer. It was more of a pink hue if you asked me.)

My eyes narrowed. "Don't mess with me, stable boy."

"Just because I'm an animal doesn't mean I belong in a stable!" he bellowed, throwing his hooves up to cover his snout. Talking animals were just goddamned annoying. Out of all the times I'd worked with them, I still couldn't get over their huge attitudes.

I rolled my eyes. "Look, I may have made a mistake. But the guy is fine! If anything, I think eight months in prison will give him some time to mull things over. And I made him a TV star in the process!"

The Keebler Elf scoffed. "Getting onto an episode of 'World's Dumbest Criminals' doesn't count."

"Bite me," I said, flicking him off.

The Easter Bunny smacked his gavel, quieting the oval table of drama queens. "Jerry, this is your last chance. We're assigning you to a new case. And I swear to Simon Cowell that if you mess this up, we will kick you off the committee forever and you can go back to Vermont to ride around in your cow car."

Simon Cowell was the official leader of S.H.I.T. and the less you saw of him, the better. Although, to be fair, employees of the month got a paid company vacation to watch live shows of American Idol and there was usually a company picnic that involved karaoke. That was always fun.

"It's not a cow car," I said through gritted teeth. "It's called the cowmobile. And it burned down in '86."

The Easter Bunny rolled his eyes. "Look," he said, nose twitching, "this is the only chance you have left. I suggest you take it."

I nodded. "Ok," I finally said, quiet. Way to kill a man's dignity.

"We've decided to pair you with Benjamin Cohen. He seems to be a good influence."

Ben and I went way back. Of course, we hadn't had contact since the late eighties. We may have parted on some . . . _not so nice _terms.

"Does Ben know yet?" I asked.

"He's about to," Thumbelina chimed in, clapping her hands and officially summoning him. He materialized in the spot next to me, surprised.

When he took in my appearance, he turned away in disgust. "Why am I here?" he asked of the council.

"You're going to be working with your old partner on a new case. Your vacation in Tahiti is over now," the Easter Bunny declared.

Ben seemed scandalized. Well, at the least the Tahiti part explained why he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sandals. "Work with _him?_ Are you joking?"

"Hey, come on, man. It was thirty years ago."

Ben, unusually angry, glared at me. "You slept with my sister!"

"She hit on me first!"

"I don't give a damn! You don't sleep with your best friend's sister!"

"I must have missed that in the handbook," I said sarcastically.

Then he decked me in the face.

*V*V*V*V*

I woke up in a freezer, lying down next to a bag of peas. The Ben and Jerry's trademarked label stood tall on my other side. Well, whoever the hell's freezer I was in, they had good taste.

"About time you woke up."

Groaning, I looked around. Ben was carving down an ice cube into a swan. He had always been artsy like that. "Where the hell are we?"

"On our next mission."

"What are we waiting for?" Usually, we would just jump in the person's head by now.

"I was waiting for you to wake up." His tone was cold. And not just because we were hanging out in a freezer.

"Oh," I muttered.

He whittled the details of the feathers in place.

"Why the swan?"

"That's her last name."

"What?"

Ben stopped his work momentarily. "Our new ward. Her name is Bella Swan."

"What's her deal?"

He shrugged. "Catastrophically bad judgment, irrationality, over-emotional mood swings."

"So she's like every other woman?"

He couldn't help himself. He cracked a smile.

"How's your wife these days?" I asked, making conversation.

"She's fine. The kids have gone to college and she's started painting. We're running out of room to put all of them," he laughed. "How about you? Has the infamous bachelor finally settled down?"

"Hell no," I scoffed. "This sexiness should be shared with the world. I dish out sexy time like I dish out ice cream: frequently."

"Still the same Jerry I know," he sighed. "Why did you have to dish that out on Bree, though?"

"Because she wanted me to."

Ben grumbled something under his breath.

I stood and walked over to the pint of ice cream, kicking the bottom of it appraisingly. "Well, we may have had our problems in the past, but you have to admit that our ice cream is still the shit."

He nodded and held out his hand. "To partnership?"

I shook. "To partnership."

I felt the freezer tray move underneath me and gripped onto the carton for dear life. "Here we go. It's show time."

We both snapped our fingers and materialized in the new target's brain just as she was reaching for the ice cream. A woman after my own heart. I liked her already.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

***V*V*V*V***

**I know it's brief. But I had fun brainstorming how they came to be in Bella's head. Maybe I'll post more extras. I'd recommend keeping this story on your alert list just in case I post more extras, if you're interested.**

**Have a great day!**


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